How do I repair myself as an adult after a childhood of bad fathering?

Question

My father hit me and ignored me a lot when I was growing up and I know this has contributed to my pattern of very bad relationships as an adult. I suffer from low self worth, go to therapy, take meds etc. I'm a smart 25 year old woman, but emotionally, I choose the worst partners and suffer from it a great deal.

Answer 1

I too had the similar experience like you had. My parents abandoned and neglected me all my life and I was raise in such an abusive environment. I had to face and swallow all the dreadful emotional violences from almost all my mother's sisters when I was still so young where a little child - supposedly - are not allow to know about those unstable adult emotional violences at all.
They just unconsciously created and did the damage on me and I am the one now who's taking all the result from their emotionally violent treatments on me.
It ain't that easy and fast to completely put away your past I must say. Your past molded you and made you to be the person who you are today. It really requires from you a hard work, a strong will & conviction, a maturity level. Plus the right & positive influences around you and time.

Answer 2

first ..take a long break from the ' PARTNERS " keep going to therapy, ( and if things don't click with you and the therapist...find a new one ) stay on your meds, but discus how long with your doctor, stay away from the "partners" until you get your self straightened out, and you will , it might take a little more time then you want., but Hang in there , your Worth it, and you deserve to be treated good, that's not going to happen until you , discover that you deserve better. I'd like you to join a church group also, find some nice friends ( not partners...smile ) and you will have someone to talk to and people who care and will be there to support you. You CAN do this, just remember to take a break from the partners, until you change, ( when you change so will the partners you choose ) good luck, and I'll pray for you right now, Jesus loves you and I care,

Answer 3

I was in the same position, especiallly in the area of disastrous relationships. I made a decision to remain single for 3 years and joined groups, worked on myself, gained my sense of self and confidence so it became like a strong centre on which to build. I thought back to difficult times in my life and worked hard at working through the emotions and putting it all behind me. I moved to a different country to get away from anyone and everything I knew so that I could learn to be a good decisionmaker, independent and to remove myself from the person that I was as a result of my upbringing. This gave me the opportunity to find out who I really was when everything and everyone familiar was taken out of the equation so that I wouldnt fall into 'roles' or have bad assocations.(hope this makes sense)
It was the hardest and the best period of my life and I came out of it a different person with a healthy relationship and great sense of self and the confidence to be everything I should and could have been had I had the support and encouragement of good parents. You can do it.

Answer 4

First of all, kudos to you for getting into therapy, but it sounds like maybe you aren't getting what you need from it. You might need to sit down for a heart-to-heart with your therapist. Possibly he/she is only lobbing creampuffs at you and not really getting you to face some harsh realities...like accepting responsibility for the choices you make now as an adult.

If you know that you make bad choices, you're 90% of the way to solving the problem by not making those choices. And accepting that it is your responsibility to not make choices that you know are bad.

Also know that as long as you believe that the way your father treated you is the reason you make bad choices, your father is still pulling your strings and still in control of your destiny.

Part of turning in the direction of wellness involves understanding that it is better to not choose a partner than to choose one who is not good for you. IOW, if you know you choose "the worst partners," then get out of the dating scene, stop looking for partners, and concentrate on the therapy process until you feel reasonably confident that you understand why you've picked bad partners. Just stop dating and concentrate on being a person who is whole, well and entire by herself, without need of a partner. That's a start.

Answer 5

i've successfully overcome the effects of negative stuff in my childhood...my key was this:
a) acknowledge and forgive every little wrong that has ever been done to you
b) when they come up again, forgive them again
c) forgive until you feel no more anger or loss over those situations
i did this by allowing myself to understand that my parents are fallible humans and not the king and queen of the universe
unforgiveness binds you to all the wrongs that have been done against you ...you hold on tightly because you feel that justice must be done ...someone should have treated you in a certain way and didn't and deep down you feel that you have to hang on til they do
it's time to move on...this is not easy and you need to be ruthless with yourself, but this will be the key to unlock the door to freedom ...your father is not the only man in the world ...there is a world out there and a kind and loving man who will one day find you when you are ready for him
i'll pray for you after i post this *hug*

Answer 6

i am fifteen and i am experiencing what happened to you and i don't know how i am going to be like when i am your age. I know how you feel growing up with a father who hit you and ignored you. My father don't even care about my school work or anything else but i just ignore him. But i am trying to live through it. If i was you i would forgive him and that's what i am going to do when i am older because i know i am going to be a better person than he didn't expect me to be. I hope you forgive him because when you do than you won't worry so much or be in any more pain. I think your pain will be over if you just forgive him for how he was. Maybe somebody treated him like that so that's the only way he could treat you because he never learned to love or treat you with respect. The only way you can get through this is if you forgive him for his sin.

Answer 7

Get a hold of "The Secret". It is a documentary that will change your life. Go to www.thesecret.tv, or I am told you can find it on youtube too now.

It is a start to getting back on track with your life, taking a hold of it as your own, owning it and being in control of what happens to you now. It will open doors where there were only walls before.

Remember: what we put out into the universe is what comes back to us... you are on the right path, sweetie... it's time for you to heal and know it's OK to heal!

Answer 8

The fact that you have admitted that you feel you chose some bad partners is a positive sign. It's not easy, I grew up without a father, and was raped at 19, counseling helps allot. But just keep the thought that you need a good guy in your conscious state of mind, don't let it fall back into your subconscious.

Answer 9

As you recognize, we can vow to make our own lives different than what we grew up with, yet the old wounds can still keep us from living life fully.

I’ve found the best way to heal old wounds is to work with a good counselor, either individually or in a group with others who have a similar desire. We can often heal our own lives as we support others in healing theirs.

Its worth doing. Its never too late to live more fully and freely.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Then go out with guys that you would not normally go out with it may help with choosing the wrong guy although you may not find the right one for you also all the low self worth is just some thing you need to try and get out of although it is not easiest thing just have to find a way to deal with it and at least you are getting help to try and treat it. Also try different people and methods to help solve it.

I would step back from dating and work out your feeling first