feel horrible....?

Question

I feel horrible. My husband and I tried so hard for a baby, had such a tough time of it and felt so blessed to have our daughter, and motherhood isn't at all what I expected or hoped. Our daughter is perfectly healthy but has infant reflux and colic. She cries ALL the time and nothing I do seems to console her for very long. We're trying to get to the bottom of this, going to the doctor, trying medications and changing her formula. I carry her everywhere and rock her and swaddle her and sing to her...nothing helps and I'm so burnt out. Today I felt aweful for just putting her down and walking away for awhile...I'm alone all day and feel so frustrated. She won't nap and I can't even take the time to eat without holding her. I feel like a bad mom, I love her more than life but I am feeling resentful, particularly because my friends seem to have happy babies and I have such a miserable little thing! Any tips to get through this? I know it will end but she's only a month old now.

Answer 1

This is like reading my own story! Having gone through the exact same infant as you have and survived it...I can tell you that 1)it does end. Look for it to get much better around 4 months and 2)it's okay to walk away. I tell all my friends this. When you feel yourself getting frustrated and losing control, lay her down, close the door, get to the furthest point from her you can and sit( I actually slammed the spare bedroom door over and over it almost broke! Not one of my finest moments). Maybe even get some earplugs(that's what I ended up doing). She's fine in the crib, she won't choke on her crying(like I'm sure that you've thought about like myself) and she won't hate you. I remember around 2.5 months, I felt myself getting so frustrated, I wanted to throw myself in front of a bus-that's how upset I was

I hate to tell you this but no gas drops, mylanta, nexuim helped one bit with my son....he was just very difficult and extremely fussy! He would only sleep on me, hated to be put down, hated naps(still does!) and was an all around terror. But I survived, just like you will, and my son is 20 months now and so much fun! He's definitely a strong willed child-which I knew he would be during those first 3 months! Hang in there mama! Keep your head down and ride it out and remember my sage words, "It's okay to walk away." Good luck!

Answer 2

I know how you feel. My daughter was the same way for a few weeks after being born. The best thing to do is look for the light at the end of the tunnel. She wont be a screaming baby for long. Just make sure that you have help in the evening so you can get some peace. Take a hot bath, go for a walk and get some fresh air, or just lay down with your eyes closed while listening to relaxing music. It can only get better. In the meantime, check into getting your baby put on zantac. My cousins baby had acid reflux and tehy prescribed her zantac and it worked miracles. You are by no means a bad mom! Babies cry to communicate so something is either wrong with her or she is very vocal. Motherhood is all about trial and error. Try different things to get her to calm down. My baby for instance loves being naked. If she's screaming, I take her to a warm room and strip her naked and let her kick around. It has a sort of calming effect, same as a warm bath. I hope you find a solution so you enjoy your newbie more. Good luck with your little one and congratulations on motherhood, it will get better.

Answer 3

OK now get out of my head. Do you have a camera in my house. I love my little blessing. She is just over 3 wks and she also has reflux. She was on Zantac. I stopped it after almost 2 wks because it makes her vomit. She may take a few 10 or 20 minute naps during the day. My house is a mess and I am not eating the way I should. I am breastfeeding and I know what to eat I just cant get time to do it. Dad goes to work at 3am and get in late. So basically I am at it alone. We are going back to the doctor tomorrow and I am going to bring it up. If I get any good news I will let you know. I also tried that Mylacan (spelling) but nothing changed. Maybe it will work for you. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

you definitely aren't a bad mom!! you actually sound like you are doing an excellent job so far! it is always hard when they cry all the time (my sister's baby is the same way as yours) and there really isn't anything that will help them, so letting them just cry for a little while is perfectly ok, and is recommended by most doctors when you can't take it anymore. Just leave, shut the door and go somewhere quiet. take a breather, enjoy the sun, or the snow, and think of something beautiful or happy like the moment you first saw her face when she was born, the blessed and happy feeling you had when you found out you were pregnant, etc. and hold on to that happy feeling when you go back in, pick her up and just rock her looking into her cute little face and remember that it will end and she will be your perfect little baby. It will help relax you and give you a little burst of patience for her. and definitely feel free to do this as many times as needed during the day.

Answer 5

It will get better.......I did not feel connected with my daughter at first either. But as she got older, and more interactive, the bond really grew. Now she is 10 months and such a little person and I actually feel close to her. we have special songs that I sing, spec ail games that we play......certain things that belong to just us. I feel so blessed because I have the little girl that I always wanted........
BUT
she is a reflux baby and those first 5 weeks were pure hell. and the next 2 months were partial hell......so I feel for you.
We finally settled on Enfamil AR.....it is made to thicken in the baby's belly when there is a lot of acid. It made ALL the difference in my baby. I also have her on prevacid.....
I got lots of help from my mother in law. I would just leave the baby with her for an hour or so when I needed the break. after a short break I felt better able to handle her. it is very important to have help.......and most people LOVE babies that little, even if they are cranky. good luck. hang in there.......it WILL get better and you will have the little angel that you dreamed of.

Answer 6

Welcome to motherhood and you are not alone. My son screamed for 6 months straight. One day he screamed for 12 hours hours non-stop I mean like he was dying, and I took him to the ER and they told me he had colic. I remember being so frustrated at times that I would put him down and just go outside and scream. Don't feel bad. Try to get someone to help you. Maybe family or friends. If they sould just come over and sit with you and maybe hold him some to give you a break. Have you tried gripe water? That's what they told me to use and since I've read about it in Parenting magazine. I'm not sure where you buy it but ask your pharmicist or doc. It's supposed to work wonders. If you child has tummy problems then don't start her on any solids till at least 4 months. it will make it worse as thier little tummies can't digest the solids. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Mommihood is certainly grander in our minds and hearts than in actuality! We've all been there. I don't know any truthful mother who can say that every day has been a dream. Babies are tough customers. They can't talk, they can't walk, they can't even feed themselves! It's rough! So it's our job to try our best to stay calm and help them out. That's when the hard stuff comes in. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is collicky. I nursed my son, but he had the same kinds of problems you are describing. We tried mylicon drops, we did the burping thing, we laid him on his back, we laid him on his sides. Nothing seemed to help. Then after several weeks, and many, many tired nights, we got a book on infant massage. I guess we must have started it around 7 weeks old. What a lifesaver! There's a section on colic massage that helps the baby's digestion and moves gas through the body more easily. I have found, from talking to friends and through my own experience, that breastfed babies don't burp as well or strongly as formula babies. My son got to loving massage so much that as soon as he saw the bottle of lotion (before we put on jammies) he'd stretch out really long and grin! Also, you may want to try to hold the baby upright (leaning on your shoulder or sitting on your lap) for a little while after eating. Let the formula get down in her tummy and settle down before putting her down and maybe that will help her feel better. Please try the massage. It will help. Good luck!

Answer 8

You might try a specialist doctor. My friend's daughter had something similar, but her esophagus didn't fully form, so when she nursed it hurt and she would have really bad reflux, they ended up getting surgery and now she is doing fine... Call around and it least make an apointment to talk to another Doctor. Do you have a babie swing? The aquarium wonders swing, is a cradle rocker too (it swings back and forth and from side to side) she may be happy in there long enough to let you eat. It's good you know that 'this too shall pass. Good luck, and never say no to support and offers of help from friends so you can stay sane!

Answer 9

I too had a colicy baby so I feel for you I really do. Just know that there is an end to all and soon your baby will be just as happy as all of your friends babies. Do not feel like a failure as there is nothing that you have done to cause this(chances are if you ask around either you or your husband was colicy as well) Also do not feel bad about putting her down and walking away. It is much better than the alternative of shaking or hurting your baby(which happens more than I like to think of) so you are the bigger woman that laid her down and walked away from her. My doctor told me to do this...she said lay her in her crib shut the door and go and take a shower relax breathe and then go back at it.

Answer 10

Don't beat yourself up! We've all been there. I know for my personal sanity there were times where I had to walk away and let my son cry. It doesn't mean your bad mother at all. In fact, I think it makes you a good mother because you know you've reached your limit and you took the appriopriate action of cooling off and calming down.

Do you have a swing you could put her in? That always seems to help. Have you tried proping up her crib/bassinett mattress to a 45 degree angle. Sometimes with reflux it's painful for them to lay flat. Also, try some mylicon drops or gripe water for the colic. It works magic!!

Also, ask your doctor about adding a bit of rice cereal to the formual. My doc suggested that to me when my son was exhibiting signs of reflux. And, it really did work. It wasn't a full serving just enough to stick to his ribs. And, after that we had no problems with the colic.

I think babies are a lot like us. Sometimes they just need their space.

My son would instantly calm down when my hubby craddled him in his arms, patted his bottom and paced the hallway. Also, try putting her over your shoulder patting her bottom and pacing. Placing her belly side down on your knees will help relieve any pressure in her belly.

As a stay at home mom I find it essential to make time for myself. I schedule time with my husband once a week to get out of the house. Sometimes I meet some girls from the neighborhood (a MOMS club( at the Mexican resteraunt for dinner and margaritas (ok one, lol). Other times I meet my sister and go shopping. But, most of the time I go to Barnes and Noble or the mall and have some coffee and just enjoy the quiet.

It's essential to find time away from the home for yourself. It will rejuvinate you and keep you from getting burnt out. Just make a schedule for your husband. The first time out I was only gone for an hour until hubby got okay with it. Now, I can leave for three hours or more and do whatever I want...:))