Badly stuck. Too complex. Pessimistic or is there really no hope?

Question

I'm 21, married, with a 5 month old son. My husband is abusive. He's also kept me locked in the house for two years, and cut off all my contact with friends. He also cheats.

I'd like to get a divorce. But I'm currently in the middle of immigration. If we break up now, I have to leave the country. That means a custody battle over my son, who was born here. Also, my having been locked away for two years while my husband worked, isn't going to look good in the "responsibility" area. Fair enough except that my husband honestly doesn't give a damn about his son, and will waste his last cash on booze while I'm scraping pennies out of the couch for baby formula. I can't leave my son with that.

I also have no cash of my own, and no access to his.

I need out of this situation before it breaks me, and I don't know how. Any ideas, any knowledge of divorce/custody proceedings and my chances, would be very very much appreciated.

I'm currently in Australia, originally from Holland.

I'm allowed to walk to the store for baby food, seeing as it's across the road and he can watch. I have 2 hours to do this in, between him coming home and going to bed, because he has the only key.

Yes, I do have the internet, because a) he feels safe knowing I can't shag anyone on here, and b) he needs it for his precious porn.

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you! I am in a similar situation. I am currently seeing an counselor, I found it online, they are called between friends, maybe you can google that, there they offer free legal advice once a month, whihc means an actual lawyer comes to the place and answer all legal questions & helps you take action if needed, they can also refer you to shelters where you would be safe. You can get groceries & they offer financial aid with bills that incurred due to the abuse you suffer or for rent, they also referred me to several programs that help with utility bills & such. You should also apply for Wic they can provide you with formula for your baby.
Hang in there, there is a God that is watching, you are not suffering without a cause, one day he will pay for what he is doing to you.
Big Hug from Chicago!

Answer 2

You have access to the internet....I don't have any fast answers to your question but start looking stuff up. You have nothing but time.

Who said if you break up now you have to leave the country?

Where are you from?

Do you buy groceries or does he? Are you allowed out of the house at all? What about your family? What about taking your son to doctor appointments? Why do you think an emotionally and physically abusive husband who has kept you prisoner for 2 years would look better in court than you?

If you put your mind in a different place, a plotting place, a watching place, a progressive place so that you can plan a calculated escape, you will empower yourself.

In what country do you reside? You seem to have a good grasp of the English language.

Start by documenting all of his abusive actions. Start keeping an on-line journal and detailing his mis-adventures, his abuse, his infidelity, his drinking and so forth.

Try to keep yourself together, your faith in knowing that a change is possible.

You're not stupid. You don't write as though you are under educated or hopeless. You have a chance if you bide your time, plan, learn and get ready to get out.

Does he have anything of value that is in your home that you could sell fast if you left? Are bank accounts in just his name? Can you go on-line and set up computer access to his bank account? Do you know his social security number?

Once you scrape the pennies out of the couch, how do you get to the store to buy the formula?

Are you for real?

Answer 3

The very first thing you need to do is to have evidence of his abuse.....I strongly suggest you get in contact with a domestic violence organisation. Ring them first, find out your options...tell them everything that has been happening. You will need legal representatation and with these kinds of organisations they usually have free legal representation for the victims. If it can be established that your husband is a perpetrator of domestic violence...this includes, neglect, emotional and physical abuse, then no court in the land would give your husband custody of the child. With that being the case, they are not going to deport you because you are the child's mother and will probably be a very positive factor in getting your immigration papers pushed through quicker. You cannot live like this. You are being treated worse than a beaten dog....you need some help. Dont wait for tomorrow....do it now, make the phonecall and get yourself the help you most desperately need. If you wait then you are running the real risk of him murdering you and if that happens you child will be forced to stay with his father, and what kind of life would that be for him. Its a terrible situation you are in, but there is help out there...dont look back, get out of there and the rest will take care of itself.

I wish you all the best

Answer 4

You need to immediately contact an immigration officer and explain your plight. My dear, you have more rights then you know. When your husband married you he became your immigration sponsor, responsible for you and your son.
Do not think that you will be deported. You son is a citizen, and your husband has no right to abuse you or him, He is breaking the law. there are plenty of agencies out there to help you. Call the police and social services as soon as you can. Get out before it's too late.

Answer 5

There is a law that protects women like you from being deported. If you were married to him and have been abused then you can stay here while still getting a divorce. The fact that you have a child here only adds to your case. I will get an internet source on that law. You need to talk to the police and then an attorney.


IF you get a chance do me a favor and go answer my top question.
Thanks

Answer 6

You must seek legal advice at once. I doubt that a man that has been abusive as he is would have any chance of receiving full custody of your child. There are shelters available for women and children who want to get out of an abusive situation such as yours. You need to be strong yet cautious on how to proceed with your plan to get away from your husband. It is also not a healthy environment for any child to grow up in. Get help quick.

Answer 7

There is plenty of help for you. First, your child is born in the United States...that means that your child is American and we do not deport Americans. Second, Get ahold of a phone book...in the front there are many different womens and childrens rights associations with toll free numbers. They will set you up with a place to live, a lawyer, food for your child and you and set u up with a job. The biggest thing I see in women who are abused is that they put up with it because they need the man to provide needed income. Your man isn't even doing that...you are too young and need to think about this baby of yours. Do the right thing for yourself and your son. Good luck and God bless

Answer 8

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Answer 9

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please call Adult Abuse Reporting 800-321-2462 or Family Violence Hotline [phone] and make sure that they don't call when he's home. Do whatever you can to leave this environment when it's safe. It's not worth staying in this relationship no matter what. There's a way to escape but get out of there fast.

Answer 10

You do not say where you're from and where you live now. If you live in the US, there is a way that abused spouses can continue to live in the country. Contact an immigration attorney, or if cannot afford one, contact Catholic Charities.