HELP PLEASE! Should I tell my gf that I'm depressed?

Question

I'm afraid to tell my gf about my depression and social anxiety. Recently, she told me that she loves me, and we are happy together, but I am very depressed. I have little bouts of happiness, but that's about it. I get anxious around crowds. I'm afraid that if I get on meds, she will see me as weak and think that I'll be a bad father. She has a beautiful four year old daughter and I love them both, but I'm afraid I'll lose them. She has cerebral palsy, so if anything, she should accept me for who I am, right? I've accepted her for her disability, so am I right to say that she should accept me for my disability? I want to be truthful with her, but like I said, I can't help but think that she won't want to have kids with me. She might think that I'm maladjusted and not responsible enough to care for children if I need meds to level out my moods. I must say: I am always kind and sweet toward her and her daughter. I love them and don't want to lose them. Please HELP!

Answer 1

I used to feel the same way. I finally realized that not getting help because of what others thought about me was a weakness. If someone loves you, they will understand and want you to get help. Depression is serious, and getting medicine is a great start. You owe it to your self and the ones that love you.

Answer 2

I think you should definitly tell her. I also hope that you are getting some sort of help and support else where as well. Depression is a illness and can be treated. Everyone deserves love. No matter if they are not perfect. But you do need to be honest with the person you love. My brother in law also suffers from depression and social phobia too. He is 25 now but unfortunately seems to be getting worse. He barely ever goes out. But god is he intelligent. His iq must be through the roof. He does course upon course. Studying some unusual type of history at the moment. Sometimes you can have it all and yet have nothing. Talk to your girl. I wish you all the best for the future.

Answer 3

You sound extremely sweet and loving. You have already taken on challenges that most men would not do.

Sadly, many people are afraid to reveal their depression and anxiety issues. Speaking as someone who also suffers from depression and social anxiety...I have a few things to share with you.

Depression is an illness, a chemical imbalance. This is not your fault and most likely something you were born with. It is your responsibility to do everything in your power to tackle the issue. This includes medication and some sort of short-term therapy to help you learn better coping tools. This is all a good thing! You will be amazed what this small effort will do to alter the course of your life.

Depression last endlessly when we don't do anything about it but wish it would go away. Feel good that you are expressing a desire to change this.

Part of the cycle of depression and anxiety is a sense of isolation from others. By hiding who we are, and pretending we are always okay...we shield ourselves from the beauty of compassion and understanding from others. We shield ourselves from people loving us for all parts of us...the good, and the not so good...because we all have warts (so to speak).

I feel you absolutely must be honest with her. I seriously doubt you would scare her away. If she chooses not to be with you, then she has every right to do so. But, by hiding it, we aren't being fair to the other person or ourselves. What might scare someone is if you weren't willing to take care of the issue and prefer to dwell in your misery. That is hard to deal with.

If you can come to accept the depression and anxiety yourself by getting help for it and understanding it better...you would most likely lose your inhibition to share this part of you with your girlfriend, or anyone for that matter. There is no shame in having an illness and thankfully there is help out there for us.

Please definitely get some help. Be patient while experimenting with medication as it sometimes takes a few times to get the right dose. Be open to at least speaking to a counselor a few times. Educate yourself on the internet. Be proud you are such a caring and loving man. I feel quite strongly she will love you even more when you reveal all parts of yourself.

Best wishes!

Answer 4

Yes,

You should tell her, relationships are built on trust and love, you already got the love part down, so how about the trust part. If she is any kinda woman, she will respect you for who you are and your depression. Also, depression isn's forever, make sure that you consult your doctor, it's better that you start learning how to battle this rather than leave and and wait til it turns into something different.

Also, do you believe in yourself enough to think that you would make a good father? If you do then you have just answered your own question about being a good dad.

Hope you tell her bro.

Answer 5

Yes, you should tell her, for several reasons.
First, because she can be important source of help and support to you, she can help you avoid stressful situations, remind you to take your meds, help you keep perspective, etc.
Second, because by hiding your condition from her, you are essentially lying to her, and that's not right.
Third, she's probably noticed that you get unhappy, and she'll be relieved to know that it isn't her fault, that it's a medical condition.

However, you need to strongly reconsider your view that your acceptance of her disability requires *her* acceptance of *your* disability. They way you describe it, it's like you're saying "she's flawed, so I get a free pass on my flaws." Nothing excuses you from trying to be the best person you can be. Also, your disability is curable - hers isn't. With therapy, medication, and hard work, you CAN overcome your depression and anxiety. Neither of you should accept that your depression is here to stay and is just "who you are." If you give up that fight, you are far more disabled than she'll ever be.

Answer 6

First, I would wish that my bf would always be honesty to me. And i bet that she wants u 2 be 2. So tell her how u feel, maybe it could be a test of how long lasting ur life 2gether will be. If she really loves u she will not think about the meds and all that she will think that ur a great person, and it's not like she will look at u and be like "omg he is weird," no she wouldn't do that she will be at ur very side every step u take. SO PLZ TELL HER!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

you should talk to her for a bunch of reasons.

It will force your fears and anxieties out into the open.

The mother of your child should know what's in your head.

She can help you though it.

It will show her you trust her.

She should know the real you, and probably already does to some extent, not the manufactured you.

You should be actively searching for ways to improve your mood - eating healthy, exersising, trying new things, talking about it, being honest with the people you love and who love you - and if you are hiding your depression you can't be doing that.

Answer 8

You need to take a step back from all of this and concentrate on getting and receiving the medical help you need. Without this help you will be no good for the health, welfare, and happiness of her and her daughter. You need to stop dwelling on what she will think of you for getting medical help for your depression. This is something that is important for your well being and if she really loves you then she will be supportive of this. Now go get the help you need. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

i really feel for you, as i have been through depression. i am now very happy, so i feel that i can answer your question to a certain extent. I think that you really need to talk to her about it. she wont think you're maladjusted. depression is actually alot more common than some people think!! if i were you, i would tell her and get these feelings off your chest, as talking about it helps ALOT. if you keep it bottled up and worry thats not good.


love, xx

Answer 10

Hi, Goodman, first of all make peace within yourself! Go deeper into your own truth that you love her, them, and that's the most rewarding thing you can only offer to anyone on the planet. Don't push yourself to tell her everything if you aren't ready yet. Your strive to match her is a wonderful drive for you to improve, to grow in your personal development - take your time! and everything will be as perfect as you can only fancy! Dare to dream for the best!