Trust Issues?

Question

My wife and I are experiencing some tough times - she is going through some changes - is discovering aspects to herself for the first time and we have been married for seven years. I betrayed our trust by looking at her email accounts. She lied to me about two guys, telling me they were gay (To protect me, because I would freak out) when they were not. Now we are barely speaking to eachother and I am giving her as much space as our family of six can. I am wondering what I can do to help make the situation better for all involved. I know that any pressure I put on her will make her just want to run in the opposite direction. Help.

My wife has started a new business, had breast augmentation surgery, complete wardrobe change, started smoking and hanging out with friends more all within the last 6 weeks.

She has agreed to go to couples counseling and we had our first session on Monday. We both have follow ups next week individually.

I know for a near fact that she has not physically cheated on me at this point.

Answer 1

The heck with the pressure you put on her. Even though you did invade her privacy by looking at her email accounts, she has successfully used this to turn the whole blame around on you. You better start standing firm on this. Let her know that regardless of who's fault it is, the marriage is in trouble and you both need to work together to resolve this or the marriage is over. Often times when there is trust issues, the fault is usually not by one partner but by both of them. You two need to work together to bring that trust back. If she is unwilling, then I would say you have some important decisions to make. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

All was good until she started smoking. Adult or child, starting to smoke is a clear sign of rebellion. You know my wife had a bood job, and started to wear sexy clothes, but that was because I could not afford a trophy wife so she became one for me. Now that is true love.

The whole email account thing is bullcrap. If you are not allowed to look at her emails then she is hiding something from you, and to me that is the same as cheating on you. It doesn't have to be sex. Trust is not hiding things from each other. Trust is doing things that you know will not upset your spouse. Trust is a two way street. Trust is not hiding emails from you spouse, that is cheating. I say you sit her down and find out why she is not happy with you and has started down the road of a cheating lying scumbag. The signs are clear, she is leaving you.

Answer 3

Sounds like she's on her way out. She's in the personal upgrade mode. New boobs, clothes, business. Not good signs. She's preparing herself for a life without you in it. Get some counseling or start making strides to better the relationship you have to the point she will always want to be a part of it. If you do the right things the trust will come back in time. And stay out of her email. That's lookin for trouble goofball. I'll bill you later.

Answer 4

She's planning on ditching and running. She's screwed in the head, just like some people I love. You can love someone and not be with them, but you'll find it alittle one sided. You both created childern and if she's not going to take care of them, and wants a care free life I say, that you at least take care of your kids lives, It's not there fault.

The e-mail thing is a bunch of crap and she's using it as an escape goat. She's already cheated on you and you know it thats why your asking us! Do the right thing tuff it out!

Answer 5

First of all she should not get mad at you checking her email. Second, if she is going through some dramatic attitude changes what you need to check up on is her. I'm not telling you this so that you can freak out but unfortunately from experience women tend to change some way or another when she is getting attention else where. Unless she is an older women going through hormonal changes due to menopause.

Answer 6

Hate to tell you this, she is 80% gone.

You both have betrayed the trust. But what you have done is lesser of the two. There is no written rule or law that says one spouse cannot read the mail or email of the other spouse so if you suspect something is wrong, you can do it and you have proved that your suspicion is true.

You can hope but odds are not on your side.

Answer 7

I don't think this situation is your fault. Your wife should not lie to you about male friends being gay just as much as you should not be looking at her e-mail. "to protect you"... that is total BS! I would never lie to my fiance about the sexual orientation of a male friend unless there was something to hide. All those personal changes could suggest infidelity... I would start going to counceling to save your marriage. If she won't go, go without her. You may consider hiring a private detective to see what she is up to. I wish you the best!

And if she is cheating... you better get a lawyer to protect you and your children.

Answer 8

u should be the one who is running in the opposite direction, all these changes she is doing, she is cheating on u, and best that u know what u are dealing with. u have every right to see her e mail. u can't make it better she has to want the same things as u do. marriage is built on trust. if u remain silent she will think what she is doing is just fine with u, sounds as if she is cheating or wants to. best to confront it now and know where u stand with her.

Answer 9

I hate like hell to say this, but my son went through almost the exact situation you describe.
At the current rate, she's all but gone.
You need to stop giving her so much space, and find out what's in her head.
Don't be played for the fool, waiting for her to get her sheist together, thinking she is, and then find out she's stepping out on you.
If she tells you she's 'hanging out with friends', chances are pretty good that one of those 'friends' is a guy...and not 'just friends'.
Good Luck.

Answer 10

I hate to say it but it does sound a lot like she is "fooling around". Maybe it is just some kind of change but it doesn't sound like it is a welcome one. I know how hard it is to even think about, but maybe you should employ a Private investigator. If your suspicions are found to be true at least you will know for sure. I'm sorry your going through this I've been there and it SUCKS!!!! Good luck to you.