My ex wife is being totally dominated and controlled by her new partner, who is deciding things like which friends she can have, and when she can talk to her parents. The awful thing is my children are with her, and she's not letting me see them (or rather he's ensuring they don't see me). What can I do to help her get out of this relationship? The prospect of not being able to see my kids is the most agonizing experience I've had in my life. One time she did come round my house crying, telling me how nasty her new partner can be, then other times she's told me how great he is. All I say to her is that the door of my house is always open to her, and not to feel trapped by this guy. Is there anything else I can do? I feel so powerless.
2007-02-15 07:46:06 · 19 answers · asked by pantocool 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I assume that you harbor no hard feelings toward your ex, and are concerned for her well being, and more importantly concerned for the well being of your children.
If she is in an abusive relationship, she may be more concerned with being alone, and trying to support the children and the thought of abuse is much less frightening than being alone.
I think you have done right, by letting her know she has a way out. But think you should talk to her, and during the process, tap into the well being of the children, and if the guy is abusive, she needs to think about how it will affect the children. If she intends to stay with him, and you feel you can prove that it is an unfit environment, then take her to Court, and get custody of the children. It would be an uphill battle, as courts tend to side with the mother, but it may be one course of action.
2007-02-15 08:11:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
call the police if you hear an argument and suspect violence such as that you describe. talk to her see if she is being abused physically and or emotionaly. if you see any bruises then you have to get her to talk to the police about it. but you have to remember there are some strange individuals that like to both give and recieve pain. soi what you are hearing may be part of the normal life for that couple and may be part of the affection they share together. I'm not saying that is right. but it happens. why anyone would want to be abused like that for pleasure is a mystery to me. if your neighbour does not want to take action against her partner then you can do nothing for her, except may be be there if and when she comes to her senses and wants to get help to stop being physically and mentally abused in the maner you describe. your husband is wrong. the police take allegations of domestic abuse very seriously. they say that they would rather get a report that turns out to be nothing than not get a call at all. (at least i seem to recall hearing or readiung that somewhere). Remember too that a lot of reported deaths are as a result of domestic abuse. your suspicions could be misidentifying the abuser and the victim. some women bully and abuse the partners so could this be the case. your first action is or should be to call the police at the first sign of domestic violence. who ever is being abused will thank you for getting them help when they may not be able to get help for them selves. think if it was your brother or sister being abused would you stand by and do nothing? i think not, you would get help as quickly as you could. wouldn't you?
2016-05-24 04:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get a lawyer and get custody rights, not just visitation. The court proceedings should bring to light a lot of the wierdness in your ex-wife's home. If you think that your kids are in danger living in that household then maybe you should go for full custody, at the very least tell your lawyer and he should know how to handle it. Good Luck.
2007-02-15 07:54:03 · answer #3 · answered by Gleason B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you did right by letting her know your door is always open to her. Second, the children are yours and no one can stop you from seeing them. If he is abusing her, you can be sure he is abusing them as well, psychologically if not physically. You should file for custody to get them out of that situation. Not sure what your feelings are towards your ex, but my sister was in the same situation, some friends and I beat him to an inch of his life. They divorced 6 months later, and my sister hated me for awhile, but she eventually found a normal guy and thanked me. Just filing for custody though, will put the charge of abuse out there and establish a charge against him for future actions. Good luck.
2007-02-15 07:54:52 · answer #4 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your concern is genuine and you have no hidden agenda I personally would consult a Solicitor regarding your kids. Even if they are not being abused are you happy for them to live in an environment in which their Mother is being abused? You can't force your ex wife to get help, or get out but you may be able to ensure your kids are safe. Hopefully your ex will will decide to get out when she's ready, she's lucky you've offered her a safe haven.
2007-02-15 07:54:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is persist. Be there for her as a friend and explain you need to see the kids. Get her to agree to some kind of formal access contract between you and her then it has nothing to do with the new guy. If she is getting controlled then there is nothing you can do but remember abuse is not always physical. Why don't her parents intervene?
2007-02-15 07:51:10 · answer #6 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not to be to barbaric but you can either A. throw him a whooping(if you are capable) or go the more correct route of B. notifying the authorities. Ask your kids if they are old enough they probably know. However if you really suspect this we have all seen the news and movies that show just how bad this can get if left unchecked.
2007-02-15 07:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by tcongdon24 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should have a parenting plan that states when you get to see your children. Nobody can stop you from seeing them! If you don't have set times to see them, then get an attorney and get some set! If it's so agonizing then do something about it!
2007-02-15 07:53:51 · answer #8 · answered by wish I were 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hire an attorney for visitation and make him aware of the kids being in a house with someone who is not married to their mother and causing mental abuse to their mom
2007-02-15 07:55:56 · answer #9 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to the court and have them give you something in writting that says that you are and will be allowed to see your kids, their your kids after all, and be sure that your kids are not suffering any violence. And just stay out of the situation b/w your ex and her partner
2007-02-15 07:50:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋