Love Is...
A slight chance of heartbrake
The complicated musical of life
A chance that you take
When your heart takes over
Love is full depression
Love is your first impression
The one time you find
That your mine
is caught off track
and thats one known fact
You shirt, tear stained
Your veins pump with
hopeless sorrow strained
the pain unbearably confusing
The heart hangs heavy
As it turns to lead
don't get your hopes up
You'll fell tradgecally dead
YOu eyes fill with dread
Who really cares much anway
Clood is on the bed
the rose you gave full of tyranny
Love is your biggest mistake
Love is your dying fate
*******************************
Okay, Well that is based on how I feel about love.
Just tell me how the poem is. Short, yes. But I'd just like to know if its good...
Don't judge it by the feelings....cuz thats just me for ya.
2007-02-15 07:44:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
OKAY PEOPLE. Im not that old. So don;t tell me i need to take a COURSE in college. Im not in High school yet.
2007-02-15 07:55:33 · update #1
there are a few typos:
heartbrake should be heartbreak.
thats should be that's
You shirt should be Your shirt
You'll fell should be You'll fall (?)
tradgecally should be tragically
You eyes should be Your eyes
anway should be anyway (you should end this with a '?')
Clood should be Blood (?)
Even giving allowances for the typos, the poem isn't that good. I am sorry, but I am assuming you want us to be honest.
Keep writing though.
2007-02-15 07:58:10 · answer #1 · answered by Jack Chedeville 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's lovely. If you're not even in high school yet, you are doing brilliantly.
I personally don't think you need to take a "course in collage"....unless you are interested in switching to arts and crafts.
The only suggestion I might offer right now is the rhyme scheme. I'm not well educated in poetry, but I might stick to one scheme with this one.
Example - the verses in your poem which rhyme are:
Stanza 1 - lines 1 & 3 (heartbreak - take)
Stanza 3 - lines 1 & 2 (find - mine), then lines 3 & 4 (track - fact)
Stanza 4 - lines 1 & 3 (stained - strained)
Stanza 5 - lines 2 & 4 (lead - dead)
Stanza 6 - lines 2 & 4 (dread - bed)
It might flow better if you kept the same lines rhyming. But....as I said....I am not an educated writer. This is just what I might do personally.
You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself. Keep writing!
Good luck!
2007-02-16 13:58:00 · answer #2 · answered by Moira 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aside from the spelling and grammer mistakes, 6.5/10. It has a lot of conflicting emotion. The second, fifth, and last stanzas touched me most. Needs a bit of work, though. The first and fourth stanzas were the weakest, and the ryhmes were horrible in the third. But I can hear your voice speaking from it. That is what really counts. Trust me, I am a poet myself.
Poetoffire 777
2007-02-19 03:38:28 · answer #3 · answered by Poetoffire 777 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
abolish feeling?? from a poet???? no way! Poetry is all about feeling.
It's nice and helps to understand about something that's not understandable, a lot.
2007-02-15 08:41:54 · answer #4 · answered by flowerpet56 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
read this poem after answering your depression question.
this poem is very grown up. i particularly like it. it was, however, kind of depressing itself, so i did get your exact feeling. i think that is what you wanted).
i say don't stop writing poems. you are good.
and everyone has typos.
2007-02-15 08:34:34 · answer #5 · answered by REALLY 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
YOU NEED MORE PRACTICE. take a course in collage.
2007-02-15 07:53:20 · answer #6 · answered by J 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
use spell check
2007-02-15 07:48:15 · answer #7 · answered by bksrbttr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
cool
2007-02-15 07:49:48 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Ang♥ 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think its good.
2007-02-15 08:14:33 · answer #9 · answered by alysha s 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋