2007-02-15 07:42:09 · 28 answers · asked by M.O. 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It can be but it can also be a form of resolution.
2007-02-15 07:45:23 · answer #1 · answered by Alyssa™ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
An ultimatum is a form of control over yourself! For the person to whom you are giving it, it represents a clear-cut choice. "Either this, or that." Not both or neither. It frees the person who issues it from uncertainty. Used lovingly, sparingly, and with reasonably good communication skills, an ultimatum can be a powerful motivator and liberator at important decision points that seem to have reached an impasse.
2007-02-15 15:49:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
An ultimatum is a form of control because it forces a person to choose/decide/do something that they otherwise may not have except for that impending threat. However, it can also be a sign of frustration or insecurity. Perhaps this person doesn't think you respect their feelings or needs. If they are insecure then this may just be a test to see how much you care about them or if they are 'disposable'. I hope you can work this out......
2007-02-15 15:50:13 · answer #3 · answered by wolffiegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. It can be a way of telling someone that you will not accept any mistreatment. For example, my best friend's husband was an alcoholic. My friend staged an intervention with his family and friends. She told him that while the decision was ultimately his, if he did not seek treatment and vow to never touch alcohol again, she would divorce him. So that's an example of a healthy ultimatum.
On the other hand, I had another friend whose boyfriend told her if she didn't lose 30 pounds, he'd break off their engagement. That's an unhealthy use of an ultimatum.
2007-02-15 15:50:34 · answer #4 · answered by luvbichons 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be a form of control or could just be that the behavior causing the ultimatum is unacceptable.
2007-02-15 15:45:50 · answer #5 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is. But in some cases it is a useful tool. Ultimatums should be used VERY sparingly. In general ultimatums backfire, but at least it gets things moving beyond the stagnation that you were once living in.
2007-02-15 15:45:49 · answer #6 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lets try this on for size. Ultimatum... Stop cheating or. Quit drinking and or drugs or , Quit physical abuse or, Quit gambling or, The list goes on. If telling your mate or child or someone you love to make critical changes their lives that include you or your future with them is in jeopardy... do you think that's controlling? If keeping you in their life regardless of loss or cost is controlling... Then its better they move on.
2007-02-15 15:52:31 · answer #7 · answered by Kill_Me_Now! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the type and frequency of the ultimatum.
If the ultimatum is, "If you don't stop sleeping with my best friend, or we're through.", then that's a pretty reasonable utimatum.
If the ulitmatum is "Wear the white blouse today, or I'm going to beat you.", then I'd find the door.
2007-02-15 15:47:28 · answer #8 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
could be...could be a form of defeat also...if the person giving the 'ultimatum' has tried everything else...and so the last resort could be an ultimatum.
2007-02-15 15:47:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a hard core ultimatum rule.. if you make one for me.. i will always choose the 'or else' option....
cops give ultimatums... STOP or ILL SHOOT
well in that case I might not want the or else option
2007-02-15 15:45:18 · answer #10 · answered by Jillary von Hämsterviel™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be spun that way.
Say, my wife is an alcoholic. I have tried to get her in counseling and other means to help her deal with it. But, nothing worked.
If I tell her that I am running out of patience. If she hurts a child while drunk, I will divorce her.
Am I trying to 'control' her?
2007-02-15 15:56:06 · answer #11 · answered by Darwin C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋