We were long distance and when we started living together I did not enjoy it. I was jsut not used to him. I kind of gave hope and than things became good with us. But still I have mental block that i cannot enjoy sex with him. I try to relax and otherwise we are gret together. We both are attractive and young. I pleasure myself everyday and desire to have sex with my husband, but when you get to it, i end up not enjoying 8 out of 10. I just don;t know why we are incompatible in this arena where we are good together every other way. I hav etold him enough and hurt his ego and now I jsut say positive things to him. Is there a reason why?
2007-02-15 07:28:50 · 4 answers · asked by wonder 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, isnt that stereo typical of a lot of men. You tell the truth and you hurt their ego's. Maybe if they got rid of their macho ego's a woman would have a chance to be truthful and tell them what makes them happy. You love him, but you are incompatible in the bedroom. You have told him this, but he takes offence. You have done the right thing, you have tried to open up the open lines of conmmunication and he has shut them down again. Unless you can have an honest open relationship, then nothing much will change, and you will just be doing everything to make him happy so as not to bruise his delicate little ego......what about you?.....where will the marriage end up if you protect his ego, but are unhappy? It will lead to the divorce courts, or you will find someone who can satisfy you......and is definitely not a good basis for a solid relationship. You have to try again and I am sure you wouldnt be saying stuff to hurt him deliberately, you would be trying to find a solution. He needs to be a little bit more open to new things and he certainly needs to be open to the fact that he is not satisfying his wife. If you know what satisfies you, then show him, tell him what to do. You dont have to be the passive little wife in the bedroom, but you also dont have to be insulting either. You can tell him in a very sexy voice, to do this, or do that...show him that you are really into it....get him right in the mood where he will lose his inhibitions and want to please you, he will only be too happy to experiment...well, at least, I hope he is. Maybe he has been too conditioned where sex is concerned and doesnt realise the woman is his equal. You can be dominant in the bedroom, it is quite acceptable. You can enjoy sex with him....get rid of the mental block, tell yourself positive things...let yourself go, dont think so much when you are in the bedroom....just do things that make you happy and before long, if you are relaxed in the bedroom, he will pick up on it and it wont seem like its such a chore any more. If you are tense and are thinking that the sex is not going to be good, then you are stopping things before they start. You cant think like that in the bedroom...you have to have an open mind....you have to be relaxed. If you are tense then you, yourself will not want to experiment. Get rid of the mental block....be open, talk to your husband...just keep on trying new things and one day you will be compatible in the bedroom. If you love him, then with practice, you will love the sex too. Train him...it is very possible, but you need to be open to that prospect too. You are his equal, in and out of the bedroom and you need to be satisfied as well, not just your husband.
2007-02-15 07:45:41 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should try to involve him when you pleasure yourself. This should help in the area and make you more comfortable with him. Plus if he watches how you make it work, maybe he can make it work. Sex is a huge part of relationships and many times when this area is lacking the whole thing falls apart but I recommend not giving up and experimenting with some things to see if you can make it better.
2007-02-15 15:33:57 · answer #2 · answered by Water weasels 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say communication is "key" make sure during sex your (polietly but sexy like) telling him where to please you, maybe telling him how to please you when your just sitting on the couch together or watch a porn together, and say, ohh now I'd like to see you do that to me.... I started that with my hubby, he isn't all that sex drivin and I am a very sexual person. SO....lol.... to get to the point, talking about what I like helps so much, but do so as to NOT insult his manhood, guys can shut off from you completely if you insult this or like mine learns from it because he likes to please me and cares that I get enjoyment during it as well. And like another writer wrote to you, sex is a important part of marriage, keep your chin up and you can help things get better., for you both probably, If he is into how you feel about things he will want what is best for both of you, I hope he open.
Communication in all areas is key to a happy marriage! Always be in tune with what your partner needs.
I even turned my bedroom in to a sexy luv nest, NO pictures of our kids or family are welcome in here, just of us. Sometimes we have to be the sexy motivations for our men, but he has to WANT to share and explore with you. This can really help but like before communication is key!
Good luck!
2007-02-15 15:45:53 · answer #3 · answered by AmieAnn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need professional help. Go see a sex therapist.
2007-02-15 15:34:00 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋