i dont have any proof. i knew her name. she was his ex girl friend before marriage i m sure i know that my husband is having an affair with her. it makes me sad helpless i havea 3 yrs old daughter. i tried to talk with him about this but he got mad on me and said that i have to trust him. i know he is cheating. he is getting a better job in other company but he doest want to leave this job. i think he doesnt want to leave her thats why he isn ot changing his job. he abused me many times. what should i do get proofs? i dont have a saperate car to follow him. i want proofs so that he cant abuse me when i talk to him about this.. i m crying...
2007-02-15 07:23:54 · 22 answers · asked by carrie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are your own person and you need to sit down and think about this really hard. If he has even raised his hand to you, you need to get a way from him because no man should ever hit a woman. Abuse is something that not is only going to hurt you but its going to hurt your daughter eventually. If she sees this go on that its giving her the message that its ok for men to hit women and you dont want that for her. Girl if you are going to stay with this man then you need to hire a private investigator to follow him and collect information.. If you dont have the money I would get with some friends of your to help you out. Keep the evidence because you might need it if you ever decide to leave him. Also if he is abusing u and leaving marks on you I would be documenting those and take pictures of them and hiding everything so that he cant destory it. One of my best friends was going through almost the same thing but she was so stubborn that she wouldnt listen to me. We all buried her about 3 years ago and her husband is in jail servcing a life sentence and all the kids which there was 3 are all with friends and family.
Take Care and Be Careful
Good Luck
2007-02-15 07:46:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He abuses you and you stay. He says I am not having an affair and you stay. He tells you to stay and you stay.
What are you, a puppy?
Geezus. Grow a spine and start making plans to leave.
[1] Copy/keep phone records.
[2] Same for credit cards and ATM cards.
[3] Write down mileage on the car.
Those three things will help. He has to spend money on her, call her, and sometimes drive to her place or their hotel.
Use that info to piece together the story. Then get a lawyer and file for divorce with alimony and child support. He deserves it, the rotten abusing cheating sonofab*tch.
Now, learn from your mistake. This guy didn't become abusive overnight. You *knew* he was this way and you married him anyway. NEWSFLASH: He's not going to change for you.
Quit having a crappy self image and tell yourself you deserve a good man. Otherwise all the losers pick up on your vibe and go "there's one I can abuse." Like a shark smelling blood in the water.
Next time, don't pick a loser. Now get started.
2007-02-15 07:39:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is truly abusing you please call a hospital or police or a women's shelter. If you are scared to cal when he is around, call when he leaves or call from somewhere else. Tell them you don't have transportation if you feel trapped by that. Him cheating should e the least of your worries. You need to get yourself and the baby out then get someone to help you file for divorce and for CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY. Since you were not able to work and he completely supported you, he may be ordered to pay. He keep you there because he has to, but with you not having a job or transportation he is in control of EVERY move you make while you are still with him. People like that get off on power. He thinks he can cheat on you because you can't do anything about it. It is a control issue.
2007-02-15 07:32:01 · answer #3 · answered by juicy13500 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a tracking device from a company called LandAirSea Systems, Inc. Hide it in has car for about a week. Then take it out and download it to your PC. It works great and if he's not going anywhere suspicious then you'll feel better and he'll never know. If he is cheating then you can see exactly what addresses he's been to and when. Just don't let him find it. They're not cheap, about $300.00, but they are very accurate.
Of course if he's physically abusing you then it's even easier. Call the police right away. Don't allow yourself to be hit, but be ready for your husband to be taken away in cuffs. Maybe the threat of calling the police is enough but if it's not then you have to call them the minute it happens.
2007-02-15 07:51:42 · answer #4 · answered by IveBeenThere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carrie, whether he is having an affair right now is the secondary downfall here. He has abused you, and he will continue to abuse you. Is this what you want your 3 yr old to see? Do you want to continue to feel worthless and unappreciated? Consider every option. Can you leave and stay with your parents or with a friend for awhile.? You need to formulate a plan . Is there a hot line in your city? There are trained counselors who can reasssure you and guide you. Start thinking of what you can do to help yourself and your child.
2007-02-15 07:32:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Physically abusing you is good enough reason to end the marriage. I am afraid that if you confront him with any proof of him cheating that he will end up abusing you even further. I can understand how helpless and hurt you must feel. I would advise you to end this relationship with caution. Appears there is nothing good to base this marriage on. He shows total lack of respect for you. You sound to be very humble and he has learned to take advantage of this. You must stop your crying and start getting angry at yourself for letting him treat you this way. Remember one thing, no one can treat you bad unless you allow them to. Seek help from friends and family and get out of this abusive marriage. I bet there was good reason his ex girlfriend had ended her relationship with him. Don't worry, I sense in the past she got rid of him for a reason and does not wish to go back to him. If she does want him back, then your attitude should be, "she can have him". Please take care of yourself and do what is best for you. Best of luck to you!
2007-02-15 07:50:16 · answer #6 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's cheating with a co-worker changing jobs won't stop that. I think that you are being a bit insecure and over reacting.
If he's abused you then you should have left . You don't need proof of his cheating if he's beating you.
Get the hell out and don't look back
2007-02-15 07:31:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this, but I don't think proof of cheating has ever stopped an abuser from abusing in all the history of humanity. What stops abuse: 9-1-1. Those are numbers on your phone. Next time he abuses you, dial them.
2007-02-15 07:41:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's a straight answer to your question: Get out. I know it's easier said than done but that doesn't mean it can't be done. The two cardinal sins a man can commit against his wife is cheating and abusing. He's done both. If you want any chance of having a healthy relationship with the opposite sex, get out now before you become bitter and untrusting...a quality men can definitely do without (I'm married to one myself so i should know)
2007-02-15 07:42:51 · answer #9 · answered by Eddie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are sure (and it sounds like you are) then you need to get things in order to and make plans for you and your daughter to get out. Do not go after him and accuse him then find you have no place to go...that won't work.
Find a place (friend of family) gets some bags packed, get money out of the bank and be gone when he gets home. Leave him a long well thought out letter and contact a lawyer.
If he is serious about you and your daughter, he'll get his act together and work things out with you. If not...you're better off anyway!
2007-02-15 07:40:45 · answer #10 · answered by Misty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋