For about two years now, my heart does not feel the same for my husband. The history that we have together has made several scars on my heart and some wounds are still open. I constantly tell my husband that I want a divorce, that I hate him , and I no longer love him. He still sticks around and just states that I'm mad. I have had some serious talks with him about how I feel, but he states that he will change his ways. This marriage has worn me out and it is getting me literally sick. I try to keep the peace between us, but it is very hard when I get treated like a slave and like of object. He has no respect for me what so ever and he feels that I should always jump when he says so. I just want him out of my life completely along with his family. There has been nothing but problems with them all and he seems not to grow up and be man/husband. I have three kids with him, but I have raised these children all by self. I want my life back along with peace, and I want out forever.
2007-02-15 07:04:32 · 27 answers · asked by blind 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I guess you want his permission or something to call it quits. I'm sure he gets the message and he will leave eventually. But it's much more comfortable for him to stay in his familiar environment. Perhaps make things uncomfortable for him? Don't cook all the time, don't to his laundry (just yours and the kids), don't get his favorite stuff from the store. Stuff like that.
Bottom line: YOU should leave before HE kicks you out. And he probably will. Or he is waiting until he has a place to go. Until he finds someone else. And then he can exchange the comfotable life he has with you for a new and exciting comfortable life with a whole new lady.
Go get some couselling or advice. Especially if you are in an abusive situation. And it very much sounds like you are. There are plenty of places out there that can give you valuable pointers, especially when it comes to property disputes, custody issues of children and anything else that you need to know.
Good luck. But don't just complain. Do something. 2 years are gone. Do you want another 2 years to go down the drain?
You can do it. You have the strength. If you have raised 3 children practically by yourself, you're obviously a fabulously capable woman!
2007-02-15 07:18:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
So what's the problem? You've made up your mind that this marriage is over. Now go ahead and do things by the book.
Contact a lawyer and file for divorce, make sure that you or him move out and just let the legal journey to take it's course.
Complaining about your life and actually doing something about it are not the same, You must stop whining and actively take measures to end this miserable situation, since obviously your husband will not. You will be entitled to alimony and child support and will probably get the house.
As for his family, you are under no obligation to see them ever again. Good Luck to you.
2007-02-15 07:14:01 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you get treated like a slave, stop acting like a slave; do what you want to do when you want to do it, and do it without arguing or negotiations. If you feel like an object, stop behaving like an object; stand up for your rights and carry yourself in a dignified manner. If the peace will not be kept by normal methods, take the next step: stop arguing. It takes two to argue, and if you simply shut your mouth, walk away, go to the bathroom and lock the door, listen to your iPod, count to 10, or anything at all that avoids argument, you will find much more peace in your home. When he says to jump, silently ignore him; you are a human being and you get to choose when to jump or not jump. You can't change your husband, but you can become happier by being true to yourself.
2007-02-15 07:11:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer NOW and while you wait for the divorce you will have arrangements made by the court to provide for the children. You can find lawyers that will give you consultations usually for free. Don't walk out on your house or obligations, that will come back to haunt you. You probably can reside in the house while he moves out. Don't be mean about it, just try to initiate some action that you are serious about moving on. (Of course, never fight in front of the kids and if you feel you want marital counseling you can always try that first).
2007-02-15 07:08:49 · answer #4 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He is an abuser and you have described the textbook case.
The first issue is that you actually believe that he will leave. That is never going to happen. Unfortunately women in your situation always have to leave. If you feel that you and your children will be in any danger when you leave, stay in a women's shelter. They will protect you and help you get established.
Make a plan for how you are going to leave. Pack a suitcase for each of your children or have their clothing and yours at someone else's house. That way you can get out and go where ever you need to.
Take care,
Troy
2007-02-15 07:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's easier said then done isn't it. It's easy to love them one day and then hate them for the next week. I don't usually answer these statemaents because the answer could go on forever. but i want you to know your not alone. You get so tired sometimes from being the only one to do things and its hard to breathe sometimes. It's like your always sleepy or you always want something more. But the worst part is he wont leave. You can push, and *****, and nag and for some reason they wont leave. I have tried the same thing. only i have to be careful of how far i push mine. but i know what you mean. and i wish there was some way to make things easier. but theres not. I stay and you stay becasue it's the easy way of doing things. I wish you and myself the best of luck with everything. and i pray for us to one day have the strength to get out.
2007-02-15 07:13:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is his name John? How old are the kids? Is it really that bad? Why are you still there? If he's abusing you even psychologically it's still abuse. Find a support group in your community and maybe a lawyer that can help. If it is taking it's toll on you take the kids and leave,go to your family for support.
2007-02-15 07:20:36 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you made a few scars yourself and you want you want you try to keep the peace by saying you hate him his family is all wrong he has no respect for you how do you respect him or yourself? 2 sides to every story sounds like the judge will have to decide.
2007-02-15 07:10:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Slap divorce papers in his face, he'll get it then. He is not taking you seriuosly...been there done that, so that is what I did then I made sure everything was in my name and I had him removed from the house...be strong and know you don't have to put up with it...oir go to court house and get papers for separation and FILE them, then after dinner give him his copy and have a girl friend over to witness...ask him nicely to leave the game is over..getyour life back girl you can do it! Good luck
2007-02-15 07:09:29 · answer #9 · answered by r_fazenbaker 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you leave ? What makes you think that the man has to go ? Whats up with that you got your equal Rights .Hit the road and don't let the door hit you in the as s
2007-02-15 07:20:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋