So the ex-wife show's up all the time. At funeral's, when someone is in the hospital. I rarely run into her but, I hate it. They have kids together, he is not her last wife, but the only one he has kids with. I think it is jacked-up for her to show up. She divorced him and his family too right?
2007-02-15 06:22:46 · 25 answers · asked by Carolyn C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nope. She divorced him, but the children are still entitled to see their family. Just because people bail on their marriage doesn't obligate other people to shun the former family. Get used to it, or find a baggage-free man. She's the mother of his children, and his family are the children's relatives.
2007-02-15 06:27:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they have children together, they are linked until the end of time. You need to get used to that idea, because it will never be any different. Her kids' grandparents are his parents, and it makes sense she will be at some family gatherings, especially if there were no real hard feelings in the breakup. It sounds like this man has been married at least 2 other times, and now's he's working on his 3rd (at least)-that would comcern me alot more than if the ex-wife (at least 2 ex-es ago) showed up at some events. You have no beef with her, you know. You're not the reason their marriage broke up. Can't you just view her as some relative of his you don't have to encounter very much?
2007-02-15 06:29:28 · answer #2 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you married him you accepted the fact that he had children from a prior relationship. These children will always be a part of his family and so will she. Since his family seems to welcome and accept her into their family circle then there is nothing you can do. You are better off to be gracious and accept this or you run the risk of coming off as foolish and insecure. Anyway, how often is someone in the hospital or how often does a family attend funerals. Just endure these times with her being there and you will be admired not only by your husband but by others also.
2007-02-15 06:42:33 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to tell him that if you have to see her at every gathering then there is no need for you to be there. Obviously someone is staying in touch with her in order for her to know whats going on at all times that does not include her kids. I understand if you have to see her when she drops off the kids or whatever but at other things then it can create a problem. Do your in-laws like you? I asked because it sometimes your in-laws if they like her better they are going to do all they can to break your relationship so stand strong and put your feet down if you have to. Don't let this discourage you walk with your head held high like yea I got him and what. And as far as the funeral and hospital goes then just let that go because people are going to pay their respect especially when they know the person but thats where you come in once again with that head up high.
2007-02-15 06:32:49 · answer #4 · answered by Child of God 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you're in a marriage the bonds that form are not only between husband and wife, but also with family members. Because a marriage ends, friendships/bonds formed with other family members may remain intact. Even if that isn't the case, your fiance's ex-wife will always be inextricably linked to him and beinghis family through his children. It is very important that you respect the fact that he will always be connected to her because of his children. Attempting to exorcise this woman from your lives may lead to the alienation of his children. Which in turn, may not bode well for you. Also to be honest your anger may stem from you being threatened by her presence. If she has not shown any public ill will towards you, then your anger maybe a symptom of the green-eyed monster eating away inside you. Instead of being upset that she attends family functions, you should focus on what you can do to make your relationship stronger. And I'd bet that showing your fiance that him being with his children is just as important to you as it is to him is step one. Be confident in his love for you, and accept his past. It may be the only way you'll have a future with him.
2007-02-15 07:37:42 · answer #5 · answered by joyfulgirl213 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that when you make the decision to get divorced that you divorce the family too. But, nothing comes without exceptions. Death and sickness are one of them. You're gonna have to be the strong person when it comes to this. You can't do anything about someone showing thier respect or you'll be the " bad" guy. She should, however, respect that you are in the picture and make it quick. I'm not sure that she should show up at the hospital but if she does you are going to have to be the mature one. It'll be hard but you have to.
Trust him and your relationship with him. Be the bigger person and be strong.
Good Luck.
2007-02-15 06:33:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you divorce someone you don't divorce the whole family. Especially when kids are involved. My ex mom in law and I are very close I have her grandchild. And my daughter is older and has three of her own we are all close including my husband, My brother and ex-wife have two grown daughters. My ex-sister in law is invited to parties, showers, weddings. She was married to my brother for 18 years. You can't just lose the love you have for people. She is like a sister to me. It doesn't sound like this lady is trying infringe on your territory. And obviously his family must still like her. You need to get over it or you will cause many fights with your fiance. Have faith in him and your relationship.
2007-02-15 06:44:46 · answer #7 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance's ex-wife still has a relationship with his parents. They have kids together and a civil relationship. I think that as long as she is not causing problems, everyone gets along, and they have children together, then unless other family members object to her being at family functions, she has the right to be there for the sake of her children.
2007-02-15 06:52:28 · answer #8 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes she isn't a large part of the family unit anymore, but she is still the mother of his children and from what I can tell still close to them... When the children get older and she moves on it will become less that you see her.
Does the in-laws still have a good relationship with her? If so that is their choice to do so. But to respect you too. There should be a balance. If she is playing a game then you must not let her get your goat. Hopefully you talk to you guy about this and he loves you enough to listen and be of some help.
Good luck... I know its tough
2007-02-15 06:30:06 · answer #9 · answered by Golden Smile 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When there are kids involved it is different. My ex husband comes to Christmas at my house with his new wife. My boyfriend is understanding and realizes we must stay in contact because we have a daughter together.
If she was a part of his family, they may still care about her and want to continue their relationship with her. It does not mean that they do not care about you, but you cannot expect them to sever their relationship with her after knowing her, especially since she is their grand kids/nieces/nephews mother.
2007-02-15 06:27:52 · answer #10 · answered by schweetums 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋