explore other possibilities ? I am recently divorced from a man that is a good man. We had our real issues that led to divorce, basically my uncontentment and even after we sincerely tried to make it work out, I ended up leaving because I felt guilty for staying out of my indecisiveness. I felt like I did the right thing by leaving and now that I'm out here alone...it's easy to think you made the wrong choice but I really have hope of trying to find someone more meant for me...that profound connection I've been craving and never found. I'd rather be searching than settling...how about you ? This was a first marriage for both of us.
2007-02-15 06:13:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When you look in the mirror you should not be surprized that the SELFISH girl you are looking at did not have a happy marriage nor should you expect that she can go out and find the right person that will indulge your selfish whims. Marrage is about two unselfish parties so that will never happen.
You blew it by your own admission when you say you were married to a GOOD MAN. The only way NOT to love a good man is to be SELFISH. Lucky for him that you left, I hope he finds a giving women for his next relationship.
Everthing in your question is either an excuse (age, we sincirely tried ((does that include you giving up being selfish)) or self-centered attitude (hard to please, uncommitted,).
You are alone like you are suppose to be. That is the eternal curse of being selfish. No body will want you in the end.
2007-02-15 06:36:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you marry this man? Did you think he was meant for you? Did you feel the connection with him? If you did, where did it go? If you didn't, why did you get married? Just some questions to think about before you enter into a new relationship. If you were very young when you married (under 25), you probably didn't know yourself well enough to know what you wanted out of a relationship.
I think a commitment should be forever, but I am not one to talk, as I am divorced. Looking back, I can say I was too young--23--and realized on some level that I was settling because I was anxious to find someone to spend my life with.
Let go of your guilt and figure out what you need. Then go get it! Don't let loneliness tempt you into another unsatisfying relationship.
2007-02-15 06:20:07 · answer #2 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you. I got married to a person that didn't have anything in common with. We were of different backgrounds and upbringing, I went to college, he didn't; he was a meat and potatoes country guy, and I was a vegetarian city girl. We were young and we didn't know any better. I spend years trying to make him to meet my expectations and "improve" him. until one day I just saw that he would never be nothing other than a country guy.
We went to counselling, but that just make my decision more clear to me. Now, as a resposible, mature, career woman, I had the choice to find someone that would be at my level, someone that would connect with in many instances: intelectually, professionally, emotionally; someone that I could share my interests and hobbies, someone to have an educated conversation with, someone with social skills and great taste.
I don't regret my decision. I wasn't happy and neither was he, so it was a fair deal. It took me a while after the divorce to find a more suitable mate for me. I could see the RED flags when datingother people and this time I was NOT going to make the same mistake of compromising, settling for less or being naive enough to think that he would "improve" with time. Nah.
BUT there is such thing as the perfect mate for you. It may get time, but you will find it, I did and I'm happier than ever.
Good luck
2007-02-15 06:24:51 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first marriage was like that. I married at 16 and at 20 I divorced him, I just didn't love him and thought I would find someone else. We had 2 daughters from the marriage, the youngest wasn't even a year old when we got our divorce. I was on my own for about a year and we decided to remarry, more for the girls than love and also my parents thought we were too young the first time and now we were more mature. We were remarried about 18 months the second time and it didn't go any better than the first time around, so I was divorced again at 23. At 26 I married again to a different man and was married 20 years before we divorced, I am currently engaged to another man, 4 years now.
2007-02-15 06:29:11 · answer #4 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You said he was a good man. do you know how hard it is in todays world to find one.? Divorce is never a good option!!! It hurts everyone involved!!! Including extended family members not to mention the other spouse or the children that may be involved. If you think finding someone else will make you happy you better think again. Just ask my ex. Unless you deal with the situation and have some resolution you will find yourself in the same boat later. Hope you make the right choice. Good luck it won't be easy, but nothing worth having ever is!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-15 06:26:24 · answer #5 · answered by Art 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be sure that what it is that you're looking for isn't just based on some fantasy you have about what the "profound connection" is - or you'll end up spending your life with only your fantasies.
2007-02-15 06:32:15 · answer #6 · answered by chicchick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i won't be in a position to speak for all adult men, yet i could provide you my motives. I married youthful, and dumb. That grew to become right into a mistake. And there have been issues approximately my spouse that gave me greater of a 'loose bailout' card than maximum... i found out after marrying her, that she had severe clinically determined psychological/emotional matters that she does no longer take meds for. It grew to become right into a rollercoaster to declare the least. in my view, I had to do each thing that i could to make the marriage paintings, via fact i grew to become into raised to appreciate marriage so strongly. If i did no longer do each thing i could to paintings along with her, i'd have considered it a huge failure of mine. So I caught with it, yet I wasn't idle, i did no longer basically 'permit it proceed'. I took steps, I made measurable efforts, i attempted putting aside time to speak along with her each and daily, in trouble-free terms for the sake of speaking. i attempted going with a number of her hobbies, being supportive that way; I even went so a strategies as to study Dr. Phil. permit me inform you something. Dr. Phil is an fool. I digress, the factor right here is that i did no longer *basically* no longer depart, I did issues, i truthfully tried to advance the region via fact she agreed to purpose with me. She in no way did, and whilst her kinfolk began telling me approximately infidelity issues... It grew to become into time to call it quits. basically in time, too, I controlled to dodge an STD that she picked up.
2016-10-02 04:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl!, enjoy your time I said it YOUR TIME to do what you want not having to worry about someone else YESSSSSSSSSS be selfish go out travel go back to school start a business stop and ask yourself what do you want and enjoy that moment when you realize that you are thinking about you
2007-02-15 06:22:06 · answer #8 · answered by jentn2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, you still speak about relationships in magical terms, so I am extremely unconvined you've learned a thing.
My judgement: you're a nutball.
Good luck with that.
2007-02-15 06:31:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats too bad...but I commend your honesty and openness.its refreshing that you are gracious enough to identify your ex as a good person and not resorting to bashing him. I hope you find happiness "out there" and can find contentedness with someone new.
2007-02-15 06:27:58 · answer #10 · answered by justsayin... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋