My husband has been renting movies with naked girls in them while I am at work. I found out and confronted him about it and at first he lied, but with a little pressure he told me the truth. He had a problem with pornography last year, but I thought we had worked through that. Obviously he hasn't kicked the addiction. I know it is a huge temptation, but we promised eachother to be moral and clean for eachother and he keeps breaking that promise. This is the third time that I have been hurt in this way by him in our 3 years of marriage. I am just wondering how I should handle this. I am trying to be understanding and not yell at him or get mad at him, but really what I want to do is gouge his eyes out and make him suffer because he is making me suffer. I feel my marriage is ruined. I need advice from women who have gone through similar situations, or from men who have done this to their wives and have beat the addiction. I want to help him and save our marriage. What do I do?
2007-02-15 06:05:54 · 5 answers · asked by Honeybunches 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay I don't want to gouge his eyes out. I just want him to not be able to look at those things anymore. I'm just hurt and frustrated.
2007-02-15 07:01:28 · update #1
Well, the first step is counseling....
Overtaking an addiction is not an easy thing to do....Porn...is an obsession...it's flat out a spirit of perversion....
This situation is going to take some mediation....
I went through something similar in my marriage...and I have seen it happen to other couples...and honestly, it is something that has to be dealt with day by day....it is almost like a drug....
They will do anything to hide what they are doing....and it will eventually terminate every good thing in you alls life if he doesn't get help....
The issue is far beyond the porn....it stems from something in life that led to porn being an outlet...an escape from reality....that leads to an ultimate addiction....
So, there really isn't anything that you can do other than be consistent and supportive to his change....
You can't give up on the values of your marriage....
So, if he can see that he has an issue...then I think that some counseling and a lot of prayer and team work and living day by day can keep your marriage in tact....
Fight for it girl....don't let it slip away...that way...in the end (whether it works out or not)...you can stand an say...."I gave it all I could to make it work"
2007-02-15 06:36:10 · answer #1 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am assuming that you don't watch them with him because of the offensive nudity. So, what you need to do is tell him how much you love him and name a couple of things that you really adore about him. But, tell him that you feel his habit is ruining your marriage. Maybe you can shock him that way, if not, you may need to get him some professional help. First, find out what makes him so addicted to the films. Maybe it is something you can do different in your sexual relationship that will help the situation. Whatever happens, good luck and you have to make him see he needs to either change, or risk losing you.
2007-02-15 06:30:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off are they movies with "naked" women or porn....big difference. A married man looking at naked women is no big deal as long as he only looks. Perhaps if you offered to watch one with him to see what it is he enjoys you can either get some tips on spicing-up your own marriage or embarrassing him into not watching. If it still bothers you as much as you say...wow..."gouge his eyes out" I think then that you should both seek therapy. Good Luck!!
2007-02-15 06:53:20 · answer #3 · answered by what2do 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's either you or the naked whores, he needs to choose. It's rude and disrespectful. Unless you aren't being respectful, and showing him any kind of physical attention, then I would probably do the same thing too. Ultimatum, or else change your attitude if you don't treat him how you should.
2007-02-15 06:44:26 · answer #4 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds as if he is just window shopping without buying but then maybe not it depends on how he feels about you deep down if he truly loves you and wants to see you happy then he will quit this but if he can not do it on his own he should get some counciling for this addiction
2007-02-15 07:08:14 · answer #5 · answered by billc4u 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋