My Ex is returning to USA soon, I am currently in a relationship, what do I do/?

Question

My ex and I are very good friends but he wants back, my current and I are not as compatible, I don't know what to do but I don't want to end up alone. Besides he is my ex because he was not ready for marriage, and my current is Muslim and wants marriage, we are just not on the same page. Suggestions Please Good Ones.

While I am not Muslim, I do not look at religion as a variable of not being with someone, but his case may be different because he is so judgemental. I believe he knows in his heart he does not want to be with me either, I am just safe in his eyes. Comfortable with self I have always been, seeing that I have only entered into 2 Serious adult relationship, with my ex and my present.

Answer 1

The problem isn't your choice of men by why you're choosing them: you don't want to be alone.

First, you need to find a way to remove the "alone cloud" from over you. You need to find a way to love yourself whether or not there's someone in your life, to look to yourself to create happiness. If you don't, you will be continually looking to some man to fill that void in you, whether he's a good companion or not. Right now, it seems you're with men in general because you're afraid of being alone.

Secondly, it's always a bad idea to go from one poor situation to another. Your ex is an ex for a reason. Just because he wants you back doesn't make it a good idea. If you and your current guy aren't as compatible as you and the first guy, and you're not happy, just end it with him...BECAUSE YOU'RE UNHAPPY, NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO RUSH BACK TO YOUR EX.

As long as you are unable to deal with being alone (which is different from being lonely), you will continue to make poor relationship choices; your choices will have to do less with the qualilty and character of the men you'e involved with and more about your insecurity. You are not being true to yourself, and certainly not true to the men who are investing their time in you.

Get some help from a counselor who can help you understand the pattern your fear has put you in. You can turn this situation around, you just have to commit to making healthy decisions.

Answer 2

I say, don't dwell over this. Just like one of the others said: "He is your ex for more than one reason." Since you are in a relationship that you are not comfortable with, GET OUT!!! No point in in staying with someone you don't feel yourself with. I was once in the same position you are in now. I found that by being by myself for a little while was the healthiest thing I could have ever done. You are not alone either!!! I'm sure you've got close friends/family. Being in a relationship is not the sole propriety as to why we are all here in the first place! Not only does it give you time to figure out what you want out of life, it helps you understand the REAL YOU. Seriously, take a time-out for a while and get your priorities together. There's plenty of time for relationships, let alone marriage! Don't rush yourself into something you're not ready for. Hope this helped some! Write me back and let me know what ya think!

Answer 3

Let me start by asking you this question. Why would you want to get married to someone that is not compatible with you?

If you are getting married for the sake of being married then you are not ready for marriage just as much as your ex.
You need to break with the guy you are with but don't get back with your ex and take that time to become a whole person.

Once you have done that then you will be ready for a relationship that can lead to marriage .

Answer 4

If you are not on the same page with the current guy, you should let him go regardless of having an ex coming around or not. Don't use someone just to be married. A successful marriage requires two adults who are willing to commit and love each other. You aren't even compatible with this guy. Let him go so he can find someone who will truly appreciate him for who he is.

Answer 5

The fact that you are asking this question tells me that 1) You have not resolved your feelings for your ex and 2) You are not that committed to your current boyfriend.

Fear of being alone is not a good reason to lead anyone on when you don't really want to be with either one of them. I don't know what the answer is. I do know that you need to sort out your feelings once and for all with your ex. If marriage is important to you, but not to your ex, but everything else about you two is compatible, then perhaps you and him need to rethink your feelings (and his) on this issue. If your current wants marriage, which is also what you want, but you and him are not on the same page, then you will not be happily married. If you want to be happy in a relationship, you have to be on the same page and you have to genuinely care for the person (love them if married, care for and/or love them if not). I think that when you can sort these things out, you will have your answer. Good luck.

Answer 6

You don't sound like you need to be in a relationship at all. Until you are okay as a single, you're too needy to be a good partner to someone else. Your statement of "but I don't want to end up alone" gave you away...you settle for guys to keep from being single. Gee how flattering...how would you feel if you knew a guy you really dug was just settling for you, because he thought that would be preferable than being single?

Break up with current guy, you said y'all weren't on the same page and not really compatible. Why waste your time or his then?

As for the ex, he's your ex for a reason...don't just go jumping back with him to settle for someone again...find out what your fear of being single is and then deal with that.

Answer 7

Your ex is your ex for a reason.. He's saying that he 'wants you back' but is he saying that 'I want to marry you.'? I have a theory about never going back the way you came and it has proven to be a correct theory all my life. When you are continually looking back, you can never take the time to study and appreciate your future. Leave the ex where he is...in your past.

If you and your current's belief system, core values, and morals are not the same..end it now before unnecessary misery begins.
Sometimes we work too hard to keep temporary people in our lives. By doing this, we sometimes miss out on that 'lifetime' person.

Answer 8

Take it one day at a time. Maybe your ex is ready to settle down down now. If you and your current are not as compatible, maybe you should think about ending it. Are you Muslim too? I only ask because sometimes different backgrounds like that can cause a big problem.

Answer 9

there's nothing wrong with the way you are thinking... My ex husband and I had a nasty divorce that took about a year to be finalized. We'd been seperated about 3 months and he calls me one day, happened to be on a good day, we started talking, then he came over and we had sex... it was wierd afterwards.. he was like do i stay or go? Of course, i had him leave.. but then a few days later again.. We did it like once a week, for a few months... sometimes more often.. but then, it was like it just fizzled out and soon our divorce was finalized... We never talked abotu court, we never talked abotu money.. it was just sex.. period. And then our divorce was finalized and we never did it again... Guess that was our closure... Do what you think is right, decide if you can keep your emotions out of it... think about it though, because he did cheat on you, there is a reason you are getting divorced... if you can keep the emotions out of it, I'd say go for it, if not... maybe you better reconsider.

Answer 10

Break up with your current and go back to your ex if he is the one you love but don't be with either just because you're afraid to be alone. People who can be happy with being alone tend to have stronger relationships because it's based on love for the person rather than fear of being without that person.