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I honestly did not mean too. He spent a lot of money on Valentines Day, and that included over $100 on a specialty spa massage. I told him thank you and that I loved it...but added he could have saved all that money and given me one himself and I would have loved it just as much if not more. I was trying to make him feel good, but I think he took it the wrong way, he looked like I hurt his feelings. I immediatly tried to explain, but he said not to worry about it. Guys, do you think he understood...if not, how can I make it up to him. I really do love the gift...I was just trying to let him know that he didnt have to spend lots of money to make me happy! He does that every day just by being the kind husband that he is!!! Am I reading too much into this, and worrying for no reason, do you think he understood, or do I have some major making up to do?

2007-02-15 05:59:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

8 answers

After the other gal pointed it out, I just went back a bit on your questions asked and read about the question your husband posed.

He's feeling guilty still. He's trying to do everything that he knows how to keep you happy. That includes putting away his hurt feelings. As good as his intentions are trying to do that, it won't work in the long term. He needs to tell you that it hurts his feelings.

From what I can gather, you did hurt his feelings. He reacted in the typical "nice guy" way and said it's OK. You know him best. If you read his body language and think that you hurt his feelings, you probably did. Did he smile or respond in a gentle relaxed manner when you tried to explain? If he responded rather tersely "don't worry about it" with somewhat stone face expression when you tried to explain, then he probably got his feeling hurt. He's not going to volunteer about his feelings. He may not even know that's what happened. That's not what a typical man is accustomed to doing. He responded in a way that a nice guy would, especially now that he feels guilty about having hurt you.

Sometimes, it's best to just accept his efforts and gestures. When he puts an effort into something for you, it's got a piece of his heart in it. To you and me, it's all very puzzling why he would take it personally or feel bad when you tell him that he needn't spend money to make you happy. I'd think it takes pressure off him to keep up with the Valentine's Day marketing. But in very simple terms, you told him that there was something else that he could have done that you would have liked just as much if not better. It diminishes what he presented to you.

As for whether he understood. I don't know. He may or he may not. He may say that he understood without truly understanding what you want is him and not the things that he can give you. However, understanding it rationally doesn't negate the feelings. If anything this interchange has pointed out, it is perhaps that he needs to communicate his feelings. Don't keep it bottle up in fear of alienating you. Just like you need to talk about your feelings, he does too. He just doesn't know it or have not grown up accustomed to doing it. Then again, maybe I'm giving him too little credit. Maybe he does. You know him best, I suppose. I apologize if I'm being presumptuous.

As for what to do, that's also a tough one. Would it be out of line in your relationship for you to ask him "did I hurt your feelings when I said....?" It's work on your part, but help him talk about what he feels. You will need to be the perceptive partner to gauge whether he's doing his "nice guy" reply or whether he really didn't have his feelings hurt. If the gift is a gift certificate and you get to pick a day in the future to go, then perhaps ask him which day do you think you should go. Suggest that you would go during the day as preparation for a nice romantic evening you are planning for the two of you together. Tantalize him with the suggestion that he's the real beneficiary of this gift :) That he's an evil genius to plan it such and that you'll play it out. Now I'm just having fun. I think that you do need to at least say something to tell him that you appreciate it and accept the gift graciously if you find out that his feelings were indeed a little bruised.

2007-02-15 07:04:46 · answer #1 · answered by Elisa 4 · 2 0

Hunny girlfriend call the spa and get a couple massage. He was trying to suprise you and yes you hurt his feelings, the reason I know I did the same last night even though we have been together 19 years.. I just changed the tickets he got me for a night at the PBR...

2007-02-15 06:06:05 · answer #2 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 1 0

You sound great to me, did you show him a good time.

Generally a MAN will appreciate the fact you recognize love is more than money so his reaction is strange. It might not be the gift he gave you it probably is something you are missing for him. Hence, he would be in the boat that no matter what I do I can't get what I want.

2007-02-15 06:04:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

find a beautiful note card and write him a heart felt thank you and explain to him that the best things in life are free and from him. or something to that effect. Good luck

2007-02-15 06:05:57 · answer #4 · answered by EmmaNicole 5 · 2 0

Perhaps you and your hubby should have separate yahoo accounts. I just read your recent questions... He is feeling guilty still? He'll get over it. Or he won't.

Either way, get two accounts or everyone will think you are just a troll...

2007-02-15 06:14:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

Sometimes, we should shut our mouths & just say Thank You! Let it go... the damage is done! If anything, I'd tell him how insensitive that was for me to say, and then drop it!

2007-02-15 06:03:49 · answer #6 · answered by T. 6 · 2 0

Making someone feel like an idiot for trying to make you feel good is never good for them.

2007-02-15 06:04:52 · answer #7 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 1 0

oh g/f you messed up.....


on the other hand... what a nice comliment to him... you meant nothing but that you love him so... i doubt his feelings are hurt.

you're okay.

2007-02-15 06:40:02 · answer #8 · answered by Jillary von Hämsterviel™ 7 · 1 0

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