A little background info: I'm 34 weeks preg. and recently got married. My dad and step mom are very upset with me being preg. and getting married and tried to push me to have an abortion. It upset me a lot to see that my dad felt that way about my baby. Recently I had been worrying about my relationship with my dad. I was upset because I never saw this side of him. I found from multiple sources that he was in the same situation with my mom that I was in. He also wanted her to get an abortion, but she refused. Then one day my dad's friend, a nurse, made my mom a "special" drink and within a few hours she miscarried. Then when she was preg w/ me, he also wanted her to have an abortion. What is weird to me is that he fought for years to gain custody of me. Why would he do that if he didn't want me in the first place. I always thought my dad was the best person in the world. now I don't know what to feel. I'm confused and a little hurt. should I let this affect his role as G-pa?
2007-02-15 05:51:59 · 15 answers · asked by ♥Me 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I got the info from my mom, my dad's mom and two of my aunts...they both told the same story.
2007-02-15 05:59:15 · update #1
Your dad sounds like someone that doesn't see an unborn baby the way he sees an actual child. Remember that when you were not yet born, he didn't know you. He may have thought your mom would not be a good mother or that the pregnancy was at a bad time. The fact that he fought so hard for custody shows that he does love you. I'm sure it will be the same way once your baby is born. Don't confuse his fear with a lack of love for you or his grandchild.
2007-02-15 06:03:38 · answer #1 · answered by J D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like several different issues going on here. Every relationship goes through a period when everything seems new and fresh and wonderful, then later settles down into something more stable for the long haul. So, just because it begins well doesn't mean that it will end well. Sometimes, the only way to find out is to wait it out and see. His clingyness might feed your feelings of boredom, but it's not the same thing. If all you guys do is fight and fight over this, you either need to learn how to fight more productively (no, I'm not making that up, it's the most important part of any relationship!), or realize that this isn't going to change. It's normal to find yourself attracted to someone outside the relationship. But what you do with that attraction is the test of the relationship. If it's just something fun to think about, that's one thing. But if you find yourself thinking that being with someone new would be better, then maybe that's a sign you should move on. And if this all seems like it isn't giving you a simple answer, that's exactly right. You have to decide what you want, and how you feel about your boyfriend, both the good and bad things about him. Take some time and decide what really matters to you in a relationship, and then decide how your boyfriend fits into that.
2016-05-24 03:58:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off,... where did you get this information? Did your dad tell you this? If not, I would talk to him about it. Sometimes one individual will have a very different view of a situation (particularly if there are any ill feelings involved). Talk to your dad. Your dad may have felt this way about your baby because he thought you were not ready to have a baby and get married (and getting married due to a pregnancy is often a bad idea UNLESS you were already getting married to begin with). I'm not saying that the answer was abortion, but in your dad's eyes it obviously was an option.
As for your dad's friend, a nurse, making a special drink for your mom and she miscarried... that sounds VERY strange to me. Not sure what that special drink could have been. I've never heard of such a thing. If it was that easy, I think LOTS of girls would be drinking that "special drink" (unfortunately).
Talk to your dad, that is really all you can do here.
By the way, if your mom told you this information and she isn't exactly on good terms with your dad... then consider the source and make sure the story is accurate before you pass judgement. It may be accurate, but be sure.
2007-02-15 06:02:03 · answer #3 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in a bad situation with my mother when i had my first child. i was 16, my boyfriend 18 so naturally my mom was pissed. lots of bad things happened between my mother and i during the first 6 months or so of my pregnancy. like when she was told i was pregnant she actually set me up an appointment at an abortion clinic which was at 7 am on a friday morning and i ran away on thursday night, ended up having my mom arrested and then left and went out of state. things seemed to be irreparable between the two of us. now, about 8 years later (it didn't take that long) things are awesome. my mom and i are super close. we talked to each other about the things that happened between us and both made our apologies(we were both wrong about things) to each other. we cried together and discussed the things we did to hurt one another. my son will be 8 in june and she loves him sooooo much, that is her 1st grandchild (she has another one the way, I'm 28 weeks) and there is a special place in her heart for him and there always will be. my point is maybe your dad needs some time, but i bet when your baby is born, any ill feelings he has now will probably disappear. you should talk to your dad about these things and let him know how this is hurting you if he is the right kind of father he will understand and be compassionate. i hope you can sort through my babbling and understand what i have meant throughout this. good luck and i hope this all straightens up for you and your baby.
2007-02-15 06:11:28 · answer #4 · answered by award 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might not be right, but, maybe your Dad just realized that having a baby wouldn't be a good idea with the situation he and your Mom were in at the time. And, maybe his suggestion for you to abort is because he sees many parallels between his relationship, and your current relationship.
Having a baby doesn't fix existing problems... they just make things more intense. If he fought for custody of you , then he must take his responsibilites seriously. Maybe you should talk to your Dad about these stories you have heard. It would be horrible to keep your child from his/her grandfather, if he has been a good Dad to you.
2007-02-15 05:58:52 · answer #5 · answered by naenae0011 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not unusual for people to come to love a baby that was originally unwanted. Please don't hold it against your dad that he wanted your mom to have an abortion when she was pregnant with you. Everything changes when a baby is born. Your dad's fight to get custody of you and his raising you are signs that he does love you.
It's also not unusual for people not to want their young daughters to have a baby. Parents know how hard it is to raise a child and nobody wants their own children to have a hardship they might not be ready for!
If your dad was a good dad to you, he'll be a good grandfather to your baby. His views on abortion really have nothing to do with that.
Since this is upsetting you so much, you should try talking to your dad about it at some point when you are both calm. Maybe he can reassure you.
2007-02-15 08:23:51 · answer #6 · answered by Tamara K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the sound of it..you sound young or younger! Maybe he is just really concerned and scared for you! Having a baby is a big responsability. Maybe he just didn't want you to rush into having a baby and getting married all at once! Sit down and talk to him about it...there isn't much time before the baby comes and you may want to straighten all of this out before then! GOOD LUCK
2007-02-15 06:03:35 · answer #7 · answered by mommyof372802 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is horrible,im sorry for your emotional distress right now..I would be upset also...I mean you mom lost her baby because of your dad *terrible*..I really dont know what to tell u at this point..but i would bring it up to my father at once and discuss it with him...I think it will affect the g-pa rating as this is his grandbaby and he wants u to kill it *that goes to show he doesnt care for u or the baby right now in my opinion* sorry to say but its true..U do whatever u feel is right for your baby but make sure u make the right choice..good luck!
2007-02-15 06:03:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that he feels that way because he hasn't meet and fell in love with your baby. Give him a chance to find that he really loves your baby. Sometimes people will say things like that but once they see the baby then they fall in love with it and then they wonder how they could have felt that way about someone. FORGIVE HIM. He loves you and just wants you to be happy. He doesn't want you to go through the sames things that he went through. Hang in there and all will turn out. Congrat's on baby
2007-02-15 06:08:30 · answer #9 · answered by tweety 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer that question. For now, you need to concentrate on your pregnancy, you're almost done. Is the info you have accurate? Who is telling you all of this? If it is all true, you may want to rethink the relationship. Remember, you can put limitations on the relationship that he has with your child. Right now, you need to get ready for your baby. Good luck. You also may want to consider seeking professional help to work thru all of this.
2007-02-15 05:57:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋