I was raped 6 yrs ago, went to therapy, and got over it. But my question is, should I tell my fiance that I was raped? Lately we haven't been having much sex because I just had a baby. However, he keeps on saying he is going to "rape" me. I have even had to fight him off, but I said no repeatedly and he stopped.. Sometimes I say no but it turns into yes, so I wonder if I am giving him conflicting messages.
I have been with him for 2 yrs and he has never done anything like this before. Thanks in advance.
2007-02-15 05:33:20 · 16 answers · asked by rusalka_13 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As a therapist, I would ask you why is it you haven't told him so far. He's your husband, you now have a child together. . .That being said, you should have a heart to heart. Men are sometimes thick and don't understand the fragile nature of a woman who has just given birth. Did you feel like he was really intent on raping you before or was it a joke he tool a bit too far?
I hope you are able to overcome it. Let the info sink in for a while for him. It is hard for men to be able to grasp things that are traumatic right away, but if he does not honor your feeling after you tell him and explain how you feel whenm he says those things, I suggest counseling for your marraige. You deserve to have a mate who resepcts your past and nutures you future.
Good luck!
2007-02-15 05:48:47 · answer #1 · answered by Snarf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't comprehend how previous you're yet i does no longer tell a boyfriend related to the rape. in case you're youthful, bear in mind that boys would be greater immature than women. i've got not got self belief he will have the adulthood to offer you any suggestion, without understanding he would make you sense worse than you already would desire to sense. you may talk with somebody approximately what handed off. There are community rape counseling amenities in each city of the U.S. look on your yellow pages, generally interior the pages placed interior the front of the e book. you are able to call anonymously, sturdy success.
2016-10-02 04:45:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you need to tell him, I am sure that the "I am going to rape you" is meant in fun, but you need to let him know that you mean what you say, I have been there myself, I don't think you would stay with someone if they would actually hurt you would you? But let me just say this, they (men) can't fix something if you don't let them know that there is a problem, and I know you say your over "IT" but hunny you never get over it you just learn to move on, You may need to see someone about "it", You need to learn and to let your man learn how to deal with the rape and how it can effect or relationship and your heart. By the way Congrats on the baby...
2007-02-15 05:49:36 · answer #3 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I think you need to tell him. You have known him long enough that it wont scare him..and he should know that it bothers you when he says and acts a certain way. If he understood why he will stop..right now, it sounds he thinks its a joke. And the no that turns into a yes and confuses him..well..we all do that from time to time. He probably thinks he can "convince" you. Good luck.
2007-02-15 05:52:49 · answer #4 · answered by wartytoadjody39 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woah!
Um, therapy much?
Usually I would say no, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, but since he is making really bad jokes like that, then maybe you should. Try first telling him you don't like those kinds of jokes and see if that is enough to stop him, but as with any relationship, communication is the key.
2007-02-15 05:41:09 · answer #5 · answered by stn1225 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES tell him if you don't tell him he won't know and every time he say it you will be reminded of what happened. He probably thinks hes just being funny (sometimes men can be a bit thick like that) and if you sometimes say no and then say yesthen maybe he thinks if he pushes you a little bit you will change your mind coz you sometimes do. he will probably feel a bit bad when you tell him but just tell him he shouldn't as its not his fault as he didnt know.
2007-02-15 05:42:58 · answer #6 · answered by kazz06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should tell him....he should know what you've been through and then maybe he wouldn't say things like "i'm going to rape you" He would dbe more understandign and sensative if he knew what you've been through. At least he should be.
2007-02-15 05:40:24 · answer #7 · answered by AngelU 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well,
You do need to have this conversation with him. First, as a victim of rape, you do have intimacy issues that affect your relationship on a subtle level. He needs to be aware of what he says and how it effects you. You need to have this conversation with him fast.
2007-02-15 05:38:57 · answer #8 · answered by lundstroms2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him what happened to you. It will make it easier for him to understand where you are coming from. If it doesn't make him understand then maybe he isn't the guy you should be with.
2007-02-15 05:39:10 · answer #9 · answered by navy wife 1996 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should tell him. I'm not going to tell you how or why, that's for you to decide. But, he needs to know this about you.
2007-02-15 05:39:12 · answer #10 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋