Should I be mad/jealous that my husband is receiving love text messages from his X wife?

Question

They have been seperated and divorced for 4 1/2 years...she cheated he left and divorced her and she was fine with it until we started dating and got married. They have a son together and that is one reason that he has to keep in contact with her but nothing else and I feel that it should be strictly business between them and only communication should be about the son and not about her still loving him. She just won't get the picture that he is not interested anymore and she doesn't want to seem to let go even though she is living with her boyfriend and the one that she cheated on my husband with.

Thanks for all the responses. The reason I asked "strangers" for their opinion is because I have been driving myself nuts trying to figure out if I should be mad/upset jealous/ etc..... I have gone to court twice over this nut case because she called the police on me twice saying I was trespassing on her property when we dropped her child off to her when our weekend was over. She just won't give up even with repeated attempts of telling her to leave us alone. When my husband tells her she just does it even more and I have just had it. I know if I text message or even call her the wonderful court system will sympathize with the one who tried killing herself and the one causing all the trouble not me because it's happened twice already and I've gotten burned and believe it or not had to pay a fine! Thanks again for all the answers!
Sometimes it's good to have other opinions!

Answer 1

Get him to change his cell phone number. She can only call him at home. if there is an emerrgency, she can call your number and you can get ahold of him. It sounds like she has NO boundaries.

Answer 2

You're absolutely right but your husband is the one that has to set her straight. If he's allowing this and has more communication with her than necessary he is being disrespectful to you. I had a similar situation. The woman hates me. Even though I knew he didn't love her and had no doubt of his love for me it upset me so much that she would call him and use their kids as an excuse for him to go over with the most ridiculous reasons and he would always go to her aid. I told him you are not her husband anymore, she is not your responsability and you need to make that clear to her. He didn't agree and saw nothing wrong in "helping" her. I told him the fact that it bothers me should be enough. Well it continued. I felt he wasn't putting my feelings first so I left. We are now back together after 4 years and he says he knows he made a mistake but didn't realize it I guess until I left . I'm not saying for you to leave him, I'm just telling you my experience. He now barely talks to her and is curt with her. You should let him know how it makes you feel and he needs to do something about it. Darn those troublemaking ex wives!

Answer 3

I think the text messages go both ways. If she knew that he wanted her to stop, then I'm pretty sure she would. However, she continues. I would tell him to tell her to call and text if its about the son. If he doesn't, then what does that tell you. Remember you are with him, not her. You can only control him to a certain extent and if he doesn't respect your feelings, then you need to do something about him or leave him.

The way I see it, they both have something to lose. She has her live-in boyfriend and he has you. If there was something going on, you both probably would never know.

If I were you, I would confront her and if she says she don't care, then find a way to contact her live-in boyfriend, so that he knows what scum she is. But the texts should stop when your husband tells her.

Answer 4

I'd say being mad at her is pretty valid and if I was your husband I'd be pretty mad at the ex too. Having a kid together means that there will always be some leftover feelings but they've both moved on and she needs to realize it's over. Maybe wait and cool down a bit and then try talking to her in a calm reasonable manner and let her know that her behaviour is not acceptable and she needs to let him go.

Answer 5

Mad yes, but jealous no...as long as your husband is fulfilling your needs and,is responding to your expressed wishes that she stops sending these messages. If your husband has clearly outlined to his X, where he stands with her and his loyalty stands with you, and where she isn't being encouraged in any way by him, then you shouldn't be jealous.
Many X's stay in touch with each other, but boundaries should be in place at all times, such as: The amount of time spent texting each other; the content of the conversation limited to neutral subjects; the inconvenience of texting, if it interferes with your time together. If he is having trouble getting the message across, or you feel that he is spending too much time texting...then sit down with him, when it's a good time for both of you...and discuss what can be done, or should be done in a calm, rational ,non-threatening way, where he can express his frustration, and yours, and come up with a solution that works for both of you( such as your husband telling her to stop sending the messages!) His X is obviously being inappropriate!!!! It is disrespectful to you.
He might suggest counseling for her, since she is suffering from guilt, and many other feelings of inadequacy, and obviously has no closure or sense of resolution, or understanding of ethical conduct. Hopefully, your husband feels there is closure for him, otherwise he may continue to speak to her, or text, in which case, you should express your wishes about the extent or nature of conversations, as mentioned above. Counseling may be appropriate for everyone concerned. Good luck!

Answer 6

Be careful what you ask some of these people. I have and people were brutal. My bf of 2 years and I just ended our relationship because of his ex. She's remarried but she runs the show. He even went to Disney WOrld last year with her family for a week. I have limits. You are already married and he is allowing her to text him. He can stop it if he wants too. The problem with men is he probably likes it, it's extra attention. He's the only one who can stop it. Good Luck to you. Try to ignore he married you and obviously loves you.

Answer 7

Do you know about the text messages because your hubby has told or shown you what is happening? If so, that's a good indicator that he is just keeping you aware of what is happening.
Does he seem intrigued or flattered that she is trying to recapture him? That could be a warning sign.
Does your hubby seem confused as to how to handle the situation? Then ask him (without emotional intensity) how he feels?
If you are inclined to "jungle tactics" you could text her and ask her to stop. (preferably with his agreement)
Do you get mad or jealous of other kinds of attention your hubby gets? If so, then the issue is bigger than just his ex.

Answer 8

You need to have a serious dicusion with your hubby.
Don't be mad at him or show anger towards him...it will only make him HIDE stuff. Instead, Empathis with your husband about the emotional attachment with him and his ex...(their son).........and let him know you care. But reinforce that he is now with you, and not her, and he needs to take responsibillity and put her in her place.

Don't confront her. This will only cause dramma, and she will know that she has hit a hot spot with you and she will only continue.

It's your husband responsibility to take action and he just needs your support.

Good Luck.

Answer 9

Borrow his pager when he's not around and send her message "Lab Test came back I have HIV, Hepatitis C, Herpes"
Have another woman via e-mail or leave messages on answering machine start complaining thats shes stealing her man but change the first name to Sally, Cindy, Marie.
"Enjoyed last night Lets go wild again"
and "I'll ditch my wife this weekend again"

Answer 10

Of course you should...she is crossing a line by doing that. Did he tell you about hem or did you find them? I he's being honest with you and letting you know it's her that bothering him then i wouldn't worry to much but i would probably still be upset. But if you just happend to find the messages then i would say there is something to worry about.

Answer 11

I would get your husbands number changed. Keep your cell phone the same, and have her start calling your phone instead of his! That way you can keep tabs on her and what she is doing. She doesnt have a right to make your life horrible! She needs to leave your husband alone.