Should I talk about death with my wife?

Question

There will come a day, as much as I hate to admit it, that I will die or my wife will die. Who knows who will go first. The most horrible thing I can think about in my life, would be living without her, but thinking about her having to live alone without me is devastating to me. I find myself thinking about it alot. It is such a horrible thought, I don't know if I could handle the pain. I know it's sappy but, my wife and I are such a ridicuosly good couple, she is such an angel.
I'm curious what others think. Should I discuss this with her, creating horrible thoughts in her head. -or- Just stick to the Will and testament and and stop being such a sissy.

Answer 1

Of course you should share your thoughts & fears with your wife, as that's what couples do. Your fears are normal & you are not being a sissy. The fact that you are worrying about how your wife will manage if God calls you home first, says a lot about the love, respect, & admiration you two have. That is so refreshing to hear. Let me give you some food for thought. Try not to focus so much on who will go first, & live each & every day as though it was your last & truly take time to smell the roses & enjoy your life with your wife. If you keep worrying about who will go first & how the other one would be able to go on, you're just worrying about something that is out of your hands, when you think realistically about it. I know as we get older, we think more about death & that's understandable, but maybe we should think more about living.

Answer 2

My dad died a year ago after being married to my mom for 40 yrs. He did everything. All the bills, paperwork, decisions, check writing, grocery shopping, pumping gas, insurance, taxes, cars upkeep, etc. etc. She worked a full time job and he had a more flexible job, so he did all this. He would take her to work, pick her up, have dinner ready, etc. She was very spoiled and they were very much in love, which is great. Except, when he died suddenly a year ago......you can guess what happened. She didn't know how to do anything, she didn't know where any paperwork was, she didn't know how to pump gas, she didn't know how or where to get the taxes done, she didn't know how to write a check. She didn't know any of the financial stuff going on and it took us all a long time to help her and get it all organized and figured out and teach her to pump gas and pay bills and just to do the everyday things in life. Now she has finally mastered it after a year, we do have to still help her with some things, but she's finally figured it out. It has been a tough year complicated by the fact that she didn't know how to do anything.
I said all that to say this.....YES, you will die one day. I never thought my dad would ever die, but he did and very suddenly. I know you love your wife dearly. Thinking of her living alone without you I know is devastating. (Seeing my mom live alone without my dad is heartbreaking) You are very smart to be thinking of this and planning ahead. You do need to plan ahead on this to make it as easy as possible on her and vice versa should she die first. It is not sappy at all. Yes, you should discuss this very real possiblility with her. If she doesn't know all the basics like how to pump gas or pay the bills, then show her. If she doesn't know where all the important paperwork is, then show her. Tell her who your insurance is with and what number to call, should you pass. Tell her which car repair shop you go to and the number and address. Let her know about the bills and how to use the lawnmower. There's things we still can't figure out that only my dad knew about and how to do because she never even cared about it, like the lawn mower and the snow blower. We can't get them started or how to even do it. These things are very important when you're the only one left to do them.
My husband and I also talk about death. We have life insurance and instructions on burial. We talk to each other and if I go first, I have a babysitter for the kids for him to use so he can go to work.We both know where all the bills are and how to pay them. And if he goes first, I know how to do everything by myself. It is the worst nightmare I could imagine, but unfortunately, I've already been through it once. It's good you have a Will, but don't forget the small everyday things! She should be mature enough to handle the discussion and know that everyone dies and plans should be made.

Answer 3

Depends on if your wife is willing to listen or is horrified and is bothered by it. If it will give you peace of mind talk with her (if she is not bothered by it), but it's not all that important.
The future is unknown and losing a loved one is devastating but in most cases the person who remains, become stronger. Life goes on and with all the help that is out there anyone can overcome anything, even death of a loved one.
Make sure your finances, wills and a living will (if necessary), are all in order and some people have made pre- funeral arrangements too (you provide them with what you want). As morbid as it may be, it does relieve a lot of stress on the ones left behind.
If your wife is does not want to discuss this put it in your will and leave it at that. Just don't dwell on it after you have made arrangements, enjoy life right now. Seek a therapist if you still don't have peace of mind after doing all this.

Answer 4

You have to discuss it. If you don't, you would likely have it much worse after one of you are gone. Maybe try discussing it in parts rather than all at once. One day discuss the money, wait a week and discuss the kids, on another day you can talk about living wills, future relationships, and so on. Then after you have discussed a bit of it, you have to go to a lawyer and have a lot of it written up into a will. You have to do these things.

Answer 5

My husband and I have talked about what we want done, or not done, medically in case of an accident or illness. We also talk about what we want done or not done upon our deaths. His previous wife passed away after 27 years of marriage, so we understand that things happen, and it's better for us to know what the other wants prior to it happening. Life is short, you never know what could happen. You also can't live your life worrying about it either. The conversation with us usually comes up when we're watching a TV show where someone is hooked up to a machine, and it starts us talking. Try it! Good luck.

Answer 6

I know it is difficult to talk about these things, but it is a must that you both understand each others wishes. My husband and I could not possibly be closer than we are. We love each other more than ANYTHING and the thought of being without him brings me to tears just thinking about it. However, my husband is in the army, has deployed three times to a combat zone and is about to deploy to Iraq for the second time. It is a MUST that I know his wishes, and he know mine in case of an emergency. We try to bring it up in casual conversation...."dont let her come to my funeral because I dont like her and if she doesnt like me in life, then she aint allowed to come to my death" or if something comes up in a movie....I will say something then. We try to make it a light discussion because nobody wants to think about death...its a tough thing, but we deal with it by not making it so serious.

Answer 7

I try not to think about when that day comes but my husband and I have talked about it but you cant stop that day from coming the only thing you can do is live life and be happy and share all your moments with the ones you love.

Answer 8

Yes you should definitley talk about the possibility of death with your wife someday. Yes you both should make wills as well . Also get plots next to each other so that is taken care of as well. Planning ahead is key. Also do both of you have life insurance policies?

Answer 9

you should discuss it with her within the parameters of making the will. there is also the possibility that the two of you could die at the same time, and you need to discuss what will happen to your things then (esp if you have children! or even pets.)
communication is always a good thing in marriage.

Answer 10

I would discuss it. My husband and I have told each other that if we were to die, we would want the other to meet someone new. It's important to go into all aspects of life and death with each other. What if you died soon, and she had no idea how you would feel about certain things? You want her to know how you feel, don't you?