Trying to Get The Trust Back?

Question

I have been having gut instincts about my husband cheating.He says that he is not and for the life of me I just can't find it in my heart to believe him.I'm not insecure nor is my self esteem low.All I know is;is that I have this weird feeling in my gut that would make any wife suspicious.As always he says that he is not doing anything.And that I need to trust and believe in him more.I am to the point where I cannot trust nor believe anything that comes out of his mouth.I know that this may sound sad but it's the truth.He doesn't want me to leave him and I really don't want to leave him either.If things dont get better soon I am going to pack up and leave him.He says that I need to seek some professional help because I am losing my mind and he doesn't know why I would think that he would cheat on me.He say he loves me and he want me to believe in him & his love for me.How or what can I do to get the trust back that I once had for my husband and my marriage? we have been 2gether 25yrs

Answer 1

I don't know about professional help but you may want to talk to someone. You need to find out what things are making you think that he's cheating and an impartial third party to bounce ideas off of can help you figure things out.
The gut isn't always right but shouldn't be ignored either. There has to be something or many little things that are making you get this feeling and you need to find out what they are and if they are valid. If you're right then it will make it easier to confront him because you'll have more than just your gut feeling and if you're wrong then at least you'll know and maybe then think about seeing a professional to help work through it.

Answer 2

I am certainly sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. My heart goes out to you, as living in this state of questioning and fear is not a desireable place to be. There are some questions that come up that would be helpful to have answers to.

Is your husband doing anything different now than he has done in the past? Does your husband have a healthy seperate life from yours? Are you taking care of yourself physically and emotionally? Suspiciouns like these often can came as a result of a emptiness within and right now your relationship is on very precarious ground.

Are you going to mairrage counseling? If not, I suggest you book an appointment today. If he is not willing to do it, go alone and see what you learn. It certainly can't hurt.

I feel that packing your bags and moving out after 25 years of mairrage without any proof that he is doing anything wrong would be a bad call.

A feeling in your gut is just that- a feeling in YOUR gut. Take control of what you can, YOU. With a little work you hopefully will come to see things a bit more clearly.

Answer 3

I believe in gut instincts. If you can afford to hire a PI as suggested above. Don't listen to the moron who said you are menopausal. Women know these things, we just know. If you feel this strongly then you'll need to take action. Either you rent a car, buy a wig and sunglasses and follow him around yourself or hire a pi for a few days to see what he's up to. Check his cell phone records. What is it that has made you feel this way?
If it were me I'd follow my gut and look into it. Don't just leave him unless you have proof though, throwing away 25 yrs for nothing wouldn't be good. If you do find out he's not cheating you should seek counseling because there's some reason you're not trusting him suddenly.

Good luck and take care,
Tori

Answer 4

You know that old saying, "follow your heart?" I think that is the best advice possible for this scenario. There is a slight possibility that it is all in your mind. OR maybe you're having these feelings for a reason. If you've been together for that long, I think you know him well enough to tell if something "just isn't right." One should never stay in a relationship that is unsatisfying. It never works out for either party involved.
Look at it this way. If you were the one cheating...what would you do? I would definitely deny the allegations. But then again, if he truly isn't cheating, this makes you the bad guy.
Do your homework honey. Screen his calls, come home from work early, look through his phone. Its probably not right going through all his things....but if he has something to hide...better safe than sorry.

Answer 5

I had the same thing going on in my marriage. Everything you man is saying is the same thing my husband said to me. Without him knowing it get the phone bill and look at the #'s called and the #'s that come in. Any #'s on there that you don't know call. If there are #'s on there that you know and they were called while you were out or at work. Keep them. Show him only after you ask if you could look at his emails. Say something like I just want this feeling to go away so if nothing is going on you won't mind. Check it with him there. If you know his password go check yourself. My husband was having an affair for 4 months before I found out. I had the same feeling you are having. Its a woman intowishing. When I found out I told him its over and if he really want to make this work he could not talk to the person any more and he had to co to cousling as long as we needed. Your not lossing your mind. Check up on his a**.

Answer 6

You haven't really given any reasons here as to why you would doubt him. If nothing has changed in his behavior or in your relationship...then he is probably right. You probably do need to seek help and talk to someone about why you're suddenly feeling so paranoid. Don't get me wrong, I believe in gut instincts, but I think there has to have been something that happened to give you that feeling. Maybe there is something happening inside your mind and heart to make you feel like you're not attractive to him anymore. Just remember...if he's really not doing anything wrong, then you may be causing your 25-year relationship to end over nothing.

Answer 7

Has he cheated on you in the past? What makes you think he is cheating on you now if I may ask? is he acting differently then what he was before? What is he doing or saying to make you feel this way? Seek counseling and help for how you are feeling. You may also need marriage counseling as well/

Answer 8

Has he done anything that would make you distrust him? If he hasn't you need to consider that maybe you're looking for a reason to leave.
If he's done some shady things, trust your gut. If not and you don't want out, get some counseling. It could be leftover issues from a previous relationship. Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, usually a woman's instincts are right about this subject..so trust them and look into it further. there are very subtle hints..that's why you are feeling this way..could be he is gone at times with no explanation to where..or he keeps his phone too close, or..he is different in bed..his behavior is changing..so that is why you are feeling this way..now once you investigate it farther...do this investigation without him knowing..check his cell phone printout bill..if he doesn't get it printed out..ask phone company for one..check the computer, show up at his work unanounced for some reason..just start looking, keep your eyes open. .if you dont find anything..then maybe see someone for help. Trust yourself on this..dont ignore your instincts...good luck and i hope it works out for the best.

Answer 10

From souces other than myself, I've heard that when a woman thinks or feels tha a man is cheating on her-he most likely is. The only job you have ahead of you is to catch him cheating. It's not hard to do because men aren't as kniving as women, and we know our way around! Get busy girl and get the goods on him!