My husband has been having an affair for 2 years. When we talk about their relationship and him ending it, he closes him self off and feels like I am nagging him. I told him yesterday that I am at my wit's end and am tired of everything. I told him that I feel myself emotionally detaching myself and not caring about him any more. He says that he is sorry for the way he has treated me, but he needs more time. He said that he didn't know it would be this hard to end things and that the girl would hang on so tight to him. He said he needs to "emotionally prepare" himself for the break up.
I was an emotional rollercoaster yesterday. It went from me not caring, to saying I love him and then back to "I'm done. I quit." He told me to not quit and to calm down. He said we can go out for dinner tonight, but I don't even feel like seeing him. I'm so hurt and he just doesn't get it. How can I make him understand what I am feeling?
2007-02-15 04:34:05 · 29 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are the sick one in this relationship, not your cheating husband. I say that in all seriousness and not unkindly. There is something very wrong with you if you tolerate this situation for one more day.
Unless there is something in it for you, being such a martyr and going around feeling "hurt" all the time, with only the prospect of more "hurt" in your future, you must not waste another day of your precious life feeling bad.
The fact that your husband is so forthright with you is a real red flag to me. It sounds like he has you completely where he wants you: He gets to confess, tell you how hard it is, get your sympathy and understanding, even get you to go out to dinner with him---and YOU'RE expecting HIM to understand what YOU'RE feeling?
Leave this toad and go directly to the office of a good counselor,therapist, priest or whomever you might trust to help you.
YOU are the one with the problem...not him!
He's got it made.
2007-02-15 04:54:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been ALLOWING your husband to have an affair with some other woman for 2 YEARS?!? Girl, please! What on earth is wrong with you? First of all, shame on you for letting your husband take advantage of you and disrespect you like this. Your life and your feelings are worth way more that this. Secondly, people DON'T change. Ever. Your husband obviously doesn't care about anyone else but himself. How you feel doesn't even factor into his decisions. STOP PUTTING YOURSELF THROUGH THIS MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE!
You want to make him "understand" how you feel? Fine. Start today. First, transfer all of the money in any joint bank accounts into a new bank account that is in your name only. You have been supporting this cheater for way too long. Second, get a lawyer. Now. And make sure you get a really mean lawyer who's not afraid to go for the throat. And tell your lawyer EVERYTHING. Third, pack up all your husband's stuff and leave it on the front steps. Then change the locks. If you don't think you can legally remove him from the home, then pack up all of your stuff and go stay with relatives, and don't tell him where you're going so he can't call you. You need to get yourself out of this situation because all you are doing is injuring yourself by continuing to stay. Good luck and God bless.
2007-02-15 12:48:56 · answer #2 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's procreastinating and he doesn't really want to break up the affair. He likes the attention he's getting from her. You don't have to put up with his crap.
Go to counseling, even if he won't go. But it would be better if he would go too. He may refuse, because counseling usually will force him to be honest and reveal some stuff he may not want to reveal to you.
He's not being honest with you. Be firm and try to sve the marriage. Divorce is a last resort. Make sure you have tried everything to save the relationship. If nothing works then do what you have to do.
You will also need assurance that he's done with affairs - more than just a promise from him. Affairs are sneaky and deceptive.
2007-02-15 12:41:25 · answer #3 · answered by jimmyjohn 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's been having an affair for 2 years, you know about it, he won't end it... and you're still there? Have some respect for yourself and get out of this marriage, if you can even call it a marriage. If you think he won't do it again, you are wrong. This isn't some casual thing he has going.
This guy is a loser, you can do better. Find someone who will treat you the way you deserve.
2007-02-15 12:38:20 · answer #4 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Him saying he needs more time means he likes having his cake (his wife) and eating it too....(his girlfriend).
Why should he change, he doesn't have to, you're making it too easy for him to have everything he wants.
My first husband did this and for years I begged him to change. We went to counseling, I cried, yelled, he begged for forgiveness, and promised to change, and in the end.....it was miserable on both of us.
Today, I know what love is....love isn't about trying to change the person you're with....it's about changing yourself, because you love another person.
You're on an emotional rollercoaster, because you're scared. You're like a drug addict and you can't or don't want to kick your habit yet.....trust me....kick it....kick it hard, to the curb and be strong.
There is truth to that tacky saying...if you love something, let it go...yada, yada....but what isn't said is that if he loves you, he'll change, and fight to get you back.
Go out to dinner tonight, with a list of your demands. Tell him that he doesn't have the same address as you, until the top 5 are met. He can move back in, and you'll both go to counseling to accomplish the rest.
By the way....he just might be impressed with your new set of balls. Men don't really care for sissys....
2007-02-15 12:46:18 · answer #5 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do you have any kids?
If not, then you MUST leave him! Once a cheat, always a cheat!
Trust me, Im a guy, I know.
You should NOT have even put up with this once. First time, his mistake, second time your mistake. He has no respect for you and will walk all over you. Drop his sorry @ss like a bad habbit. He will come crawling back, when he realizes what he lost, but dont take him back, make him suffer like he is making you suffer.
If you would like more advice send me an e-mail. I'll help you out.
Good Luck
2007-02-15 12:39:58 · answer #6 · answered by The Date Doctor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sooner or later you need to make the decision. Have you tried counseling for both you and your husband. If he won't go then maybe you should go alone. If you feel like you are nagging then change your wording and be firm. Cheating is cheating. He has already chosen not to stop. You can not change his mind with anything. Is this how you want to live your life? The choice is yours.
2007-02-15 12:41:10 · answer #7 · answered by whitehairblueeyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you can't MAKE him understand or change. He has to want to understand and to change on his own. There's nothing you can do that will make him change, he has to want to change. My wife and I a couple years ago were going through problems, I was being quite selfish and was hurting her by putting myself before her and the kids, and we seperated for a while. It really helped, because it opened my eyes to what I was doing wrong. And I sought help. Because when she left I realized that I just drove away the best thing in my life, and I was determined to turn things around and change myself so we could get back together and make our marriage work.
2007-02-15 13:01:22 · answer #8 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To begin with - he needs to want to change - its about him changing himself, not about you changing. You dont like it then leave! HELLO! A 2 year affair! He isn't gonna give up this affair for you - wake up girl! He has the best of both world right now, her and you. You both are giving him what he wants, he is just getting his way here - so if you dont like it then leave him, other wise quit feeling sorry for your self, cuz you are the one allowing it.
2007-02-15 12:45:00 · answer #9 · answered by Rosie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kick his sorry butt out, take all his things, drop them off on her doorstep, and tell her he's all her problem now. Then get a fine lawyer and take him for every cent he has! Why are you letting him decide how your life goes? Take charge! Don't wait for him, he'll never change. Life is not greener on the other side, and he'll find that out. Living well will be your best revenge, and he'll be in the gutter wondering where the heck his life went wrong.
2007-02-15 12:39:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋