Has he forgiven me?

Question

I have been married for 6 years. Right before our 5th year anniversary my husband decided that he didn't love me like he used to and wanted a seperation. It really hurt and broke my heart. He told me to move on. 3 months later I met a guy and we hit it off and started talking. Well it went a bit further. My husband and I even filed separation papers. My husband finds out I'm dating another guy--says it's cheating and I'm having an affair. Well my husband decides that he made a mistake and wants me back and has forgiven me. Yet 6 months later he still brings it up how I've cheated on him. I thought we were on a break. Has he really not forgiven me. He says he wants to make things better yet he still seems emotionally distant.

Answer 1

You have to weigh the pro's and con's of both relationships. What do you really need. Sit your hubby down and have a heart to heart talk and tell him you need this because you love him and want him to understand you more. Tell him how much it hurts you when he says thoughs things because you understood that he didn't want you anymore and you were trying to follow his wishes even though it hurt you so much. Tell him you would never of cheated on him if he handn't of told you it was over. Ask him if he will go to marriage couselling and really try to make your relationship to work if he still loves you enough he will go. if this is not something you both want to do then you have to tell him about all the hurtful things that push you away and that if he wants you to open up your feelings for him he has to stop doing and saying things that push you away. Life is too short to live with regret. You have to have a difficult, but meaningful talk in order for the both of you to understand each other and know if this marriage is something that you both really want. Have the talk you and he will feel a lot better and tell him exactly what you want too. Ask him to work with you not against you and i know its hard but if he puts more effort into communicating with you that this is the key to a good relationship. Tell him you need him and if he needs you please don't push you away forgive you and you will forgive him for all the hurts to. Go from there Take care Heather

Answer 2

I feel that you and your husband should have looked at what caused the break up to begin with before making any decision of getting back together. A lot of marriages when in trouble it is always recommended for the couple to try and work on the issues before deciding that the marriage is over. Appears as if your husband did not do this and made a decision to move on. His male ego got bruised when you did just that and began to involve yourself in another relationship. You two are failing to "LOOK" at what has caused the problems in the first place. If you want to save your marriage then I would recommend that for now get off the subject of this other guy and get back to where it all began, when your husband first left. You need to know what caused him to leave and then he and you will have to be willing to find some kind of help with counselling in order to resolve what it was. After doing this, you two might have a better chance at working on his feelings of being betrayed. Hope I have helped, best of luck to you both.

Answer 3

I do think that marriage us complex. It is possible he was confused and dealing with some issues. We all deal with these issues from time to time. Its not easy. So did he want another woman? Do you know why he left? did he say? I'm surprised that after 6 years you can settle in with someone in 3 months time. Its hard not to be judgmental from both points of view.You had the right to leave because he filed papers. But Its possible he made a terrible mistake? Why did he leave? what was he looking for? i really need to know that to answer better. You must decide what you want to do? Is this worth working on? Or should you let this go. Their can be forgiveness if both agree on terms. You are both hurt and confused. Love is never selfish. LOVE isn't rude. It isn't boastful. Its never jealous or judgmental. Love can have no grudges. You must be patient, kind ,and honest. and communicate. You have both possibly been unfaithful. You can renew your vows and get it back. You both have to really want this... for it to work? If he keeps being judgmental and can't understand your view.. I don't know how this would work. I would like to know.....Was he cheating or just needing to think? It all happened so fast.

Answer 4

There is no such thing as a break in a marriage where it is OK to sleep with someone else. The fact that separation papers were filed would lead anyone to believe that a divorce was immanent enough to wait for. However, your husband is using it to gouge at you. He has not forgiven you and has found a way to blame whatever the original problem in the marriage was on you. I would suggest moving forward with the separation and let him be. He will only make your life miserable if you take him back.

Answer 5

I will bet that you husband wanted a "separation" so he could explore another relationship he had started or wanted to start with someone else. It obviously did not work out, so he wanted to come back. Ask him if he was celibate during the time you were apart - I will bet money he wasn't. He broke things off with you - you had sex with another guy now he is mad at you. Absolutely childish behavior on his part. If anything you need to forgive him not the other way around. I'd suggest a counselor because I think both of you have problems and need a referee, but it boils down to you telling him that if he wants to really get back together, he will grow up and NEVER mention what you did again - ever.....

Answer 6

He's not going to forgive you because he looked at it as cheating. You were actually on a seperation and once the papers are filed it's a done deal. I would've continued on with the new guy and not went back with my husband because remember, you said he didn't love you like he use to until he found out you were dating someone. You need to really get out of that situation.

Answer 7

Forgiveness does not usually mean forget. I am sure he will never forget, but what he is doing is not letting you and he move on. He told you to move on. What were you supposed to do? Wait in case he changed his mind? You had no idea. You are with him now, does he want you to suffer? You forgave him and he needs to forgive you. Talk about what forgiveness means to each of you. I think some marriage councilling might help you work out some of these issues together. Sounds like you really love eachother, just need some togetherness. Some councillors through family services are next to nothing and can be quite beneficial. Sending happy thoughts your way.

Answer 8

i had that problem also i didn't consider it cheating b/c we were seperated. The best thing that u could do is to keep assuring him maybe he thiniks u would do it again. He hasn't fully forgiven u even though he says he does he is jus saying that so he does not have to hear u argue about trust and love and everything else, i know i been through this before still comes up sometimes but i jus explain that it was not cheating and laugh then it goes away.

Answer 9

Go get a divorce I'm serious your husband is a nut case he tells you to move on then when you do he wants you back.Why did he take you back just to rub it in your face that you were not faithful.He's got issues ,and I would not be surprised if he told you to leave again.If you decide to stay keep an eye on him it sounds like he's hiding something.He's probably having an affair himself.
He's playing with your mind ,he needs to grow up already!

Answer 10

he is still holding it against u, and it is on his mind, but he asked for the breakup, he told u he no longer loved u, he basically caused it to happen, if he said he didn't love u, u thought he meant it, so anyone would want to begin a new life if someone said that to them, so it's his fault, u never would have considered this other man had he not caused it. maybe u should have stayed with the other man instead, they never forget and never forgive when they think someone has cheated. so what is he going to do, hold this over u forever, if he is u may not want to stay with this man.