My husband and I have been married for 8 yrs.and it has been a roller coaster ride. I guess we have a love/hate relationship. I work full time, cook, clean, do laundry, help my kids with their homework, and keep up with our finances, not to mention do all the grocery shopping. He never offers to help and the rare occassions he does things are not done correctly or left half undone. We also never go out for dinner as a family, if we do go out some where it's always me & my kids. Sometimes I wonder if he is just embarrassed to been seen with me in public. ( I am educated, always presentable, and pretty) Oh, and for Valentines, Christmas, or birthdays, or anniversaries he never buys me anything or says a simple complement. I've asked him if we could go see a marriage counsler and he says he won't.
Help!
2007-02-15 03:42:07 · 51 answers · asked by T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
force him to go
2007-02-15 03:44:11 · answer #1 · answered by juanramoz2 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well after 8-years it sounds like one you got what you bought. A boy.
You work full time. Stop, if he's not going to help with the domestics then split the roles. That would be fair. A lot easier on you, better for the kids, and he wouldn't have a nagging wife (you are nagging him even in the event you are right so this comment is not aboutwhoo is right but about how to resolve the issue in a way YOU control, and maybe he'd be more or have a chance to be a better MAN. You and your kids both need that. At least he'd have the responsibility of a MAN for bringing home the bacon.
That would be fair.
2007-02-15 03:52:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You seem to have taken your husband out of the mix. You do all the housework, all the shopping, you handle the finances, you handle the kids ("my kids," not "our kids"), you're educated, pretty, and ALWAYS presentable. Wow! So, what about your husband? Is he an attractive man, or have we skipped over him? And what is he allowed to do (that he doesn't do correctly, or that he leaves half done)?
If you keep running the show, you're going to be the only one in it, lady. Let go of the reigns and start sharing the load. And stop complaining about your husband. He's not as perfect as you are, so there are going to be mistakes. And if you want your man to go out to dinner, start acting like his wife, instead of his warden. How often do you and this guy make love? Maybe that's why you don't get any gifts. Wake up, girlfriend!
2007-02-15 04:26:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I just went through much of the same thing you are speaking. I am sure that he does certain things that you don't put much importance on. Yard work, fixing things however minor you may see them. As for him not doing anything right, that statement alone is an indicator of why he won't do anything anymore, he'll just screw it up.
My ex put all of her efforts into the children/house/work/chores and made everything else more important or a higher priority. I am in NO WAY saying that is all wrong, as children are the most important aspects of life, but what I am saying is that now that we are apart, and she is living life for herself again, I can only stop and wonder if she had only done that with me, how different life would have turned out?
The house is messy, dinner is almost always late, bills sometimes slip through the cracks, but she is out living life, so how, how is that bad? Its bad for me because she realized it too late and lost me in the rubble.
Explode back into his life again. Get a babysitter. Take a couple days off. No more "sex only at night, in the dark, after the kids are asleep" romantic interludes. Call him at lunch and have a nooner. Call him in the afternoon and tell him you're not wearing any underwear! DO SOMETHING!
I promise you that if you let this all fall apart, and blame him for everything...all of this work you are doing now to "keep the family working effeciently" will be for not, cuz you'll be sleeping alone, with the kids crying at night.
I don't just miss my wife now, I missed her while we were married, but it didn't matter. There was too much laundry to do, too much homework to do, there was never time for us. Now there is nothing...
...so you choose. Good luck
2007-02-15 04:11:28 · answer #4 · answered by Tyerant 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry to hear about that. When you try to talk to him about how you feel make sure that you don't sound like a nagging wife. Other wise they might not be listening. Have you ever asked him what makes him uninterested in helping out around the house or why he doesn't want to go out in public with you? Make sure you let him know you want complete and brutal honesty...hold your breath too if what he says makes you mad...other wise he may never open up to you again. I would try telling him how upset that makes you. Let him know you want to make the marriage work but he needs to meet you half way. If he still is unwilling to make it work then girl you are much better off with out him.
There are plenty of great men out there that are more than willing to help you around the home, love you and let you know it! My husband is a great example of that. We communicate about everything and we never let a argument stubbornly go on for more than an hour or so. We share the responsibilities at home and express our love daily. Hope you work it out! Take care and God bless!
2007-02-15 03:56:32 · answer #5 · answered by Starr 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well most marriages find the worst in each other. They don't look on the bright side.
When my marriage was in trouble, I wanted to find out if he really wanted to be with me or not. I started to kiss him more and long kisses too. He didn't want to do that. So I figured we were going down the drain, because I put an effort in.
Try to kiss him more and appreciate him by saying, "I'm so glad your home" Give him a big long lingering kiss and say "You must have worked really hard to support your family, Lets go out to eat" or have something cooked for him. Make an effort to do something different and if it doesn't work, you know in your heart you really did try! He didn't want it, and doesn't want it with you!
2007-02-15 03:49:03 · answer #6 · answered by DrPepper 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you parent your husband. I left my x because nothing I did was done correctly. In counseling, he admitted his way is always better so he would rather do it all. That left me in the role of the looser and no way up. Too bad if its not your correct way, are the kids still alive when he's had them. Does it hurt if he byes the wrong groceries. GET OVER YOURSELF, if he was not that way when you married him YOU MADE HIM THAT WAY! After I left, even his friend/family told me how badly they felt for ME! You should go to counseling to reflect on what you have been doing to you children's farther. I wonder why he's stayed.
2007-02-15 04:48:45 · answer #7 · answered by lg 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
listen honey if he starts to do like that it means maybe but not 100% that's he seeing someone else but be careful don't accuse him till you be sure because in these days a husband never forgets his wife only if he is bored from her and searching for a new flavor or if he is in trouble and don't know how to solve it.
so he is in his mind busy thinking about that trouble.
so think and try to find out in your own way what is the reason and if that's does not work then face him that's the only solution what ever the result may be.
2007-02-15 03:55:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is definetly something wrong with your husband
you need to say that you will not take it anymore you just won't put up with it and if he doesn't change his way you are going to have to do something very extreme about it because its just not fair on you
2007-02-15 03:48:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband is the same way! We married jerks! The sad part is that there are soo many other good traits that it keeps us with them. I've noticed that guilt works best. Whine, complain and guilt trip until you get his help. Not in a nagging horrible way, but a way that will make him feel just guilty enough that he'll want to help Your guy may be different though. I hope you find something that works for you. Good luck!
2007-02-15 04:12:31 · answer #10 · answered by Ruby Tuesday 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry dear ur stuck in a rut with an insensitive man well do the opposite be extra nice i mean it like for two weeks no dont smother but do a little extra smile a bit more then after the 2 wk trial period pliz attempt throw a hint a major hint at him that he should take u n the kids out smile alot not fake smiles its a marriage u gotta work it then does he read buy him those man books that give hints about how guys should treat a woman but a subtle book i suggest hemotions a bk by td jakes even if u aint religious it could work wonders who would mind if their man treated them right
2007-02-15 03:49:23 · answer #11 · answered by ladyluck 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋