swingers lifestyle?

Question

what % percentage of people that swing end up divorced?

Answer 1

Nobody really knows since there is little data specifically on this segment of the population, but most educated estimates are "less than 15%". Of course this is those that are in the lifestyle, not just playing with it. These are the people that swing as an extension of their sex life and relationship, not as a replacement for it.

Those people are the ones that end-up divorced, and some wrongly blame swinging. But, when you dig deeper with them you find that they tried swinging to "fix" their failing relationship. Their marriage was on the rocks already and they thought that having sex with others would magically fix it. What they found was that it just adds one more thing for them to argue about.

Some hard facts about swingers: The average swinger has been married 10.5 years and has been swinging for 5. So obviously swinging doesn't harm a good relationship; those that do it for the right reason: to fulfill your partner's fantasy while fulfilling your own at the same time.

And the reason they don't get divorced is because "they can have their cake and eat it to". It's because they've moved beyond petty jealousy and insecurity in their relationship. I can tell you from personal experience that swinging clearly defined the reasons my wife and I are married to each other and not others. We have great sex together. We've both had great sex (both past and present) with others. What all our ex-lovers didn't have for us was everything else that holds a relationship together.

We are each other's best friend. We are companions and partners-in-crime :-) . We know everything about each other. EVERYTHING. All our deepest, darkest secrets, and we still love each other. We love who each other is, not just what each other represents to each of us. I don't love my wife because we have great sex, I love her because of everything except sex and all that stuff makes the sex better between us then between anyone else.

I can also tell you from personal experience in the lifestyle over the past years that we know of only two couples out of hundreds and hundreds that have ended-up splitting-up. And both of them had trouble coming into the lifestyle. They were using swinging to try to "spice-up" and "fix" their basic relationship problems. But, as a non-swinger friend once observed about swinging:

"Swinging is like the icing on the cake. But if the cake underneath doesn't have all the ingredients to make it solid, all the icing in the world won't keep it from crumbling."

From a 2000 study of swingers done by Bellarmine University, when asked the question "Among all things in life, how important is being married?" 56.7% of swingers answered "very important", 28.9% answered "somewhat important", and 14.4% answered "not to important:. Compared to the general societal survey the answers were 50.8%, 22.1%, and 27.2% respectively. So you can see that marriage is slightly more important to swingers than to the general non-swinging population.

How happy are swinger marriages? From the study:

"How happy are the marriages of swingers? Table 14 compares how swingers and the G.S.S. sample of married persons rated the happiness of their marriages. Significant differences were found between the two groups, with swingers showing higher levels of happiness than married couples in the general population.

Among swingers, is there a relationship between swinging and marital happiness? Two questions on the survey – one which asked about their relationships before swinging and the other about them after swinging – are cross-tabulated in Table 15. As the data shows, 62.6% of swingers found that swinging improved their marriages/relationships, 35.6% said their relationships stayed about the same, and only 1.7% said they became less happy. Even among those who said their marriages were "Very Happy" prior to swinging nearly half (49.7%) said they became happier. Among those with the most unhappy marriages 90.4% said their relationship became happier after swinging. It appears that, at least among the sample of swingers used in this research, swinging tends to improve the perceived quality of the couples' marriages regardless of how satisfying it was before swinging."

I hope that objectively answers your question.

Answer 2

Holy hell, Dizzy. My reply to your question? Just forget I said anything. You guys sound like you're beyond hope.

Mr. and Mrs. Dizzy are pretty good examples of people who probably should NOT be in the lifestyle. When I answered his question a bit ago, I mistakenly thought they were already divorced or separated. I didn't realize that Mrs. Dizzy was being that pushy about it.

Anyway...

The number of people that swing... That's pretty open-ended. Are we to assume "once a swinger always a swinger?" Because some people consider it but never try it. Some people foolishly try it, but don't think about the consequences. Some people have just always been non-monogamous and happily find someone else who shares these same ideals.

I can't give you numbers, but I think that a LOT of people fantasize about it, about a 1/4 or 1/5 of those actually go through with making fantasy reality and (my guess) about 10-20% of those who HAVE tried it are able to do it successfully. And the other 80-90% end up divorced or otherwise scarred somehow.

So, "How many swingers end up divorced" is a kind of trick question. Cheaters aren't actually swinging...they're just cheating, no matter what line they feed you. And the couples for whom swinging doesn't work stop swinging (or they really, really should!), thereby making them non-swingers. So all that's left are the swingers who CAN make it work. And of those, the odds of divorce are slimmer than in the "vanilla" population. If they DO get a divorce, successful swingers won't be getting divorced because of anything swing-related. It's just completely unrelated.

Answer 3

Common Sense's response is surely innacurate.

There are a LOT of couples that occasionally experiment with their relationship and experience no problems whatsoever.

The key to the whole matter is talking it over at length beforehand. All too often, it is a matter of the man trying to talk the woman into it - not the other way around.

Both people have to be "on the same page" and discuss all the possible problems.

One of the most common problems is jealousy. People enter the situation thinking they're cool with it, and find out that they're not comfortable seeing their partner with someone else, or that their partner seems to be having "too much of a good time" and they experience feelings of jealousy or inferiority.

Another common problem is simple performance anxiety.

This should ONLY be attempted by a couple that is rock solid with their relationship and not likely to feel "threatened" by seeing their partner with someone else.

The risks FAR outweigh the chances for fun, but many couples get through it with some great experiences and memories.

Let me put it this way; it's like sky diving or bungee jumping; NOT for everyone.

Answer 4

Look at it this way, you can have experiences other than your spouse without the risk of being in trouble with them since you already have their consent. In essence you get your cake and get to eat it too so why would you want to even think about divorce unless they were a substance addict, someone who can't be trusted or abusive. The people on here who are saying that it will cause divorce probably have no experience with that lifestyle at all. Divorce is caused by loosing trust and giving up, not by an agreed upon lifestyle that is different from the main stream.

Answer 5

If both people agree to swinging and embrace the lifestyle, why would they end getting a divorce because of it? If both partners are in love but enjoy the variety that this lifestyle brings, then the percentage should be very low.

Answer 6

I can't tell you what % but it actually isn't as high as you think. I am a swinger and the group I belong to have about 100 couples that have been doing it for years and nobody has thought of divorce.

Answer 7

As long as both people are on the same page in terms of expectations and they're honest with each other, my guess is that percentage is probably a lot lower than in conventional marriages. It's when people are dishonest, deceitful, and who do things behind each other's backs that things get ugly.

Answer 8

I always love to see ignorant people make assumptions based on fiction. Do some research. The people that swing are generally happier than those that stick with one person.

Answer 9

I haven't seen stats, but from my experience it's not as many as you'd think. People that get involved in the lifestyle separate sex from love, and typically have 'rules' about interactions with others.

It's definitely not for everyone, not even for most, but for those who have a very solid relationship, where jealousy and insecurity aren't factors, but they both want to add a little spice to their sex lives, then it can definitely be a positive experience.

Answer 10

I don't know about divorce, However my wife started swinging with some old dude that she found at the local bar, He took her to FreadomAcers & had her over for sex & 8 months later, dumped her.....

You have to be able to separate love and sex. There may be a girl that you want to have sex with or a your wife is into*. I guess to them its just sex!

Now how one could let someone they don't know go at it with there wife & do what ever & then take her home & make love to her I don't know.....

Maybe after she takes out the High Pressure Hose set at 1600psi & some Hevy Duty Cleaner!!

I know I ****** up by cheating on my wife, However for her to start swinging & sleeping with other people & then say she is BI so she could have some Tuna & do this now for a year is just ****** up. I have brought up divorce several times but she just wants to make up for never really getting a chance to date etc...So the kids are in Limbo because mommy wants to whore around!! Oh & she wants to see if we can start over but at the same time wants to do her Myspace & go on dates & thinks I should go on some dates to...Na **** that I'm sick of this **** & I could see if she was with 2 people over the course of a year, But when you move out to moms house just so you can play online & spend all your money & get our brand new Van repoed & do this just to make up for **** you should of done before you had kids is just BS!!

Sorry got way off topic there...

Hope I could do some good