Ok, she was my best friend for several years and we both loved eachother very much. She went away to school and we drifted apart, and ended up with diffrent people. Now that I am single she has started calling me again and wanting to hang out. And seeing her has braught all my old feelings back. And I am getting the feeling that she may still have them too, and no we HAVE NOT done anything innapropriate.
The problem, fo rme, is she is married. I went to her wedding, danced with her, told her how beautiful she was and how happy I was for her. Which I wasn't, because it wasn't to me. I even signed her marrage license as a witness.
I don't know what to do, I love her but I know that I cannot tell her that. But she wants to be friends with me still.
Sugestions?
2007-02-15 03:12:26 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are in a real dilemma here. The love you have for her, looks like it's not returned in the manner you want it to be. She regards you as a friend, and well, she is married.
I think that the best thing for you is to gain some distance. Do not hang out with her at all for now. You can come up with some repeated excuse, (you don't have to confess your love for her) so that you might gain some prospective, clear your head, and hopefully meet someone new.
It's best to remove yourself from this poisonous and potentially volatile situation. You need your wounds to heal, and to see her is just a sad way to have them sprinkled with salt, if you get my drift.
Leave her to her life and marriage, go out there and live yours.
2007-02-15 03:40:11 · answer #1 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you NEED to do: Tell her that you two can't be friends anymore because of the feelings you have for her. That you're smart enough to realize that it's completely inappropriate for a man to pursue a married woman, and just as inappropriate for a married woman to spend time with a man that she knows is in love with her. I feel badly that you have feelings for a woman that is already married, but if YOU end up being the cause of her divorce then it's something she might eventually blame you for should she have any regrets. You need to move on.
2007-02-15 03:20:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the best thing you can do for everyone right now is back off. If she wants you then let her end her marriage and come to you. If not you could tear apart a marriage she may really want. Don't destroy a marriage and the lives of innocent people on a feeling you have. You aren't even sure that she wants you in that way. She may just want your friendship and that is all. If you love her then give her a chance to make her marriage work. Give her space without feeling pressured by you. Tell her you care about her friendship but that you need time to yourself to get on with your life.
2007-02-15 03:21:19 · answer #3 · answered by navy wife 1996 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. But marriage is important and good, and no one should be responsible for breaking one up. Stay away from her and let her marriage run its course. Maybe they will work it out and stay together,and maybe they won't. But that should be between her and her husband and should have nothing to do with you. Since she is married you two should not be spending any amount of time alone together, or talking on the phone.
Involve yourself with new people. Take a class, start a hobby--but get out of this situation you are in. Get busy and involved in your own life and drift away from this woman again.
2007-02-15 03:21:38 · answer #4 · answered by Sari 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen carefully, this will save you a lot of grief and speed the ultimate ending along.
First of all you have done something inappropriate.... allowing her to continue to contact you without her husbands knowledge. (I am assuming her husband does not know about her little chit chat with you
You have got to tell her that you do not want to have any more contact with her. However should she ever become legally available you would like to date her.
You must do this, for her sake and yours. This will tell you exactly where she stands. You do not want to get involved with a married woman that just wants to have a little fun on the side.
Believe me, this is exactly what you should do. Although this may be hard the alternative is harder.
2007-02-15 03:25:20 · answer #5 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have two options, tell her how you really feel and see if she feels the same way or keep your mouth shut and move on. If I were you, I would talk with her openly and honestly, see what feelings, same or not, she has for you. Don't do the cheating thing because that is just a waste of time and guilt for everyone. Tell her how you feel and get her response. Then, if she feels the same way about you in her heart and mind, she can take the necessary steps to be with you. If not, then you'll have your answer.
2007-02-15 03:19:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her, then you need to deal with these feelings by loving yourself more. She may be great and all but she is married and as long as this is the case your duty as her long time friend is to not cross the line with her. If you do you are going to break one of two things and neither is good: -Your friendship will break OR you will break up her mairrage. The fact is, you have been good friends so she feels safe with you. Acting out will only serve to remove the safety net and if this happens, look out!
2007-02-15 03:18:42 · answer #7 · answered by findingselflove 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get over her. You can't be friends with a married woman , esspecially one that once loved you. Your teasing each other and if you had an principles you'd get away and stay away. Don't be the jerk that broke up a marriage.
2007-02-15 03:20:18 · answer #8 · answered by Oppna to tal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to cool it off. Things will get out of hand very easily. You need to ask her why she is pursuing you when she is married. If she says she is unhappy, you need to tell her that she needs to work on her marriage and not to look elsewhere.
If a divorce is filed, you don't want the husband to name you as the reason for the divorce.
I recommend you cut off ties and communication with this woman.
2007-02-15 03:17:38 · answer #9 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel bad for you but the fact is she's married. move on and get past it. I know you don't want to hear that but it's true. Things happen in life that we need to deal with and get passed. Mrs. right isn't her, so get out there and find her and don't dwell on what you can't have.
2007-02-15 03:18:05 · answer #10 · answered by sonart1999 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋