I'm not sure it's entirely intentional, but it has always seemed to make him feel good to make other people feel bad. It seems to be a character trait that runs in his family. His father & brother exhibit this same behavior. For a long time I've done my best to ignore it, but it really bothers me. I've tried to talk to him about it , but he denies it, and then says he'll do better, but never does. I love him.Sometimes he is a good person. We have a child together, and I really do not want to leave him, but he's making me unhappy. Does any one have any idea what might help?
2007-02-15 03:00:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only way he'll stop that behavior is if he wants to change and he's willing to go into therapy to change his behavior. If not, he's going to stay just like that - and you have to ask yourself, how long are you willing to tolerate emotional abuse? And what message does it send to your kid for your husband to be emotionally abusing you and for you to be tolerating that abuse?
2007-02-15 03:08:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk again about it. Tell him that he promised, but still he keeps on doing it. Then suggest that even you two try to correct the problem by your selves, or to get help from an outsider (marriage counseling).
If he accepts counseling, then go ahead, just make sure you both are willing to try. And yes, when I say both, I mean both because even when you think you have nothing to do, they might ask you to change some things too.
But if he doesn’t want to go (I bet he is going to say a big NO), then you can try to get him every time he does anything to you. You have to tell him that you are going to tell him every time he does something bad to you. And you are going to keep track of it too. But at the same time, you are going to keep track of everything GOOD that he does as well to you, and try to thank him very well whenever that happens (including some good time alone… ehem).
You can also ask him to do the same with you, but he will probably think is a waste of time. You never know.
Whichever way, after a month or so, sit down, and compare good and bad, and see if he is actually doing that bad or if is just your imagination (like I said before, you might also have a problem). If you think there is a problem with you, then try to correct it. If you think he is the problem, then sit with him, compare charts if he has one, and always stay calm. This is not to bring back in his face something he did to you a month ago. This is only to trace problems, and see why they happened, and how to confront them in a better way next time, and try to avoid them if possible.
Communication is the key for a healthy relation, love is not enough. Don’t forget that. You two might find a way to get over those problems and stay together forever.
Good luck.
2007-02-15 11:22:26 · answer #2 · answered by Dan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think that yr hubby might be clueless like I think mine is, if sitting down w/ him 1 on 1 is not getting things answered then I would definitely get counseling or at least get the Dr Phil book on relationships b/c it does help & you would not want the worst sceniaro to happen. I been through some hard times w/ mine b/c he does not have much of an outlet for his own life meaning hobbies that he can involve himself to make him happy w/his life. He only fills his time w/critisizing others for things that don't work like he might like life to run.
I've been through lots or problems w/my hubby even if I have been married 10+ years. I hear alot of my friends or family mbrs through there headaches,divorces & heartaches, so I would definitely get help.
2007-02-15 11:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by lavdr88 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing. last night on valentines day ,I finally left him. It is not easy to leave the one you truely love but sometimes we have to let go in order to make the other spouse
realize that it is not right tomake other people feel bad,to put people down or to hurt the feelings of someone who loves them the most.I am not telling you to leave him,stand beside him till you cant take it anymore then.... leave ....if he truly loves you he will go to you and say he will change and he will truly change. If he does not truly love you.....he wont come after you. I will go back tomy boyfriend only if he changes.Im waiting for him as i write this :(
2007-02-15 12:12:18 · answer #4 · answered by molissa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what are the particular things he does to make you unhappy? You see me and my family does things that makes other people unhappy (at times). such as, we joke about everything from our personal looks to others and so on and so forth... We also make fun of our own failure in life as well as others (cause we view things positively). We do things that our partners hate (our way of showing we love them, hehe.. a bit weird right?) but later on people around us learn to adjust and ride on our joke all the time... honestly, my brothers fiancee is a bit shocked yet find it cute, cause this is the way we express our love... she did learn to adjust and ride on our joke all the time, and few months after she's always the one starting to create he own joke and criticism... if she had learn to adjust and learn to adopt, i see no reason why you can't. i had thousands of friends and who finds our character amazing and view our perspective and expression as talents... just try to be more open minded and don't put jokes or things he does in your heart... you only live ones make it a point to enjoy it as much as you can... By the way don't think we're freaks (haha...) its just the way we are... we meant no harm..
2007-02-15 11:16:16 · answer #5 · answered by *Pretty Pink* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband likes to put other people down..then he feels 'taller'..he is pretty pathetic. His Dad is like that, so he learned it from him. I feel sorry for his Mother. Your child will copy his father, so you have to protect him in some way. Your hubby needs psychiatric help...if he refuses...then decide what is best for you and your child. Can you see yourself living with this man for the rest of your life? Can you live with seeing your child grow up to be just like him? It's your choice....good luck..
2007-02-15 11:11:37 · answer #6 · answered by HENRY M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ya, i got an idea! Dump him! He thinks it's normal if his folks are like him. Poor boy, he will never find what he is looking for. There are more than 1 fish in the sea! Find one with love and trust, then you got a winner!
2007-02-15 11:10:56 · answer #7 · answered by cprucka 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
when he is putting u down he is lifting himself up, he may have a low self worth, and it makes him feel better when your feeling bad. therapy would help him if he were willing to do something about it. he saw this growing up, he learned it from parents. so its a habit he may not even be aware he is doing to u. u need to explain to him how this hurts u, just a bad habit he needs to stop.
2007-02-15 11:12:43 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are talking about is spousal abuse. He probably doesn't understand how serious this is to you. Remember, he learned how to be a husband from his father. If his father was verbally abusive, your husband thinks it's the way to be. Try to get him to couples counseling. If he won't go, go to counseling yourself to learn some better techniques to deal with his abuse.
2007-02-15 11:08:47 · answer #9 · answered by SA Writer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
seprate till you sort thing's out and take your child if you decide to divorce you'll do ok raising your kid
2007-02-18 17:50:51 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋