If you grew up in a home where your parents argued a lot?

Question

how did it effect you and does it, still, now?

(I grew up with both parents, they never argued and are still happily married; my husband and I argue constantly and have a 2 year old son.)

Thanks

Answer 1

When you argue in front of your children you forever change who they are. Is being right worth that? Can you live with that knowledge? I know I couldn't

Answer 2

I too grew up in a happy home. My husband didn't. Our marriage is great. We don't argue and are truly in love. Been together 8 years. Communication is so important. Have to talk before the argument. I wonder why some couples have trouble? Maybe they aren't meant to be together. Or they married for the wrong reasons. Whatever the case.. Your married. It will take some work. To get it back. Communicate and always be honest. Try not to judge. Don't speak out of hurt or anger. Don't hold grudges against him. Express your concerns ask him What he needs to make a happy marriage. What is it you argue about? is it major things or silly stuff. Figure out what is important to you both and put those thoughts into action. Remember why you married him and tell him. He may feel somewhat attacked and want to start a fight. Give him some space and let him think. Don't pressure Just show that you care. I hope this helps. hard to answer without more information... take care

Answer 3

I grew up in a home where my parents argued alot, and i would say this does affect me yes. I can loose my temper quite easy with my husband over nothing and it dos'nt take much to get into a really big argument. We've been together for nearly 12 years and im only 27 now and we've always been the same. Sometimes i dont even remember what we're arguing about i just get more and more angry i have no idea why. I beleive that this is because i grew up watching my mum and dad argue over silly petty things and i spent most of my time trying to put things right between them. Eventually they split up when i was 12 and this hurt me lots at the time. I have a younger brother who is 9 years younger than me so he was only young when they split up. As my parents both remarried he grew up in a happy loving environment with my mum and her new husband and as a result he is totally opposite to me, hes very laid back and never has arguements with his girlfriend and is very secure in himself. I feel that maybe if i had grown up in the same environment as he did maybe i would'nt be quite as quick to argue with my husband!

Answer 4

It depends on whether it is healthy arguing. I'm a strong believer that if you have constructive arguments in front of your children it will show them that agruments are a part of relationships and that they don't have to end badly, that they are just a process in communicating differences
I grew up in a family where my parents had very destructive un healthy arguements. They would often belittle each other loud enough for the children to hear. This effected my older brother and I in different ways;My brother refuses to marry his long time girlfriend(he has children with) because he's afraid they'll end up like our parents. I married a man exactly like my father and doomed myself to repeat the relationship my parents had( I refuse to have children and put them through this).

So as long as you and your spouse leave out hurtful, demeaning and manipulative patterns from your arguments you will be raising children with a healthy outlook on thier own future relationships.

I wish you well.

Answer 5

I grew up with an alcoholic father that was a wreck and made our household miserable. I took all that he showed me with the constant yelling and screaming and decided that I would not be that way. Some people think I am far to mellow and I need to get upset more often. So I guess it affected me in a positive way, I learned how to argue without yelling and how to communicate a lot better.
BTW TY for answering my "enough" question

Answer 6

As someone who grew up in a family with both parents raging alcoholics who did nothing but argue and fist fight...I will just say this: If you can figure out what's wrong with your marriage now...DO IT. My parents fights have lasted thru my mother passing away, and not talking to my stepdads anymore. Luckily I married a man who has no want to argue or fight, and doesn't drink. I got lucky. In your situation I would say go to couples counseling or another route to take care of your issues. I will never forget watching my parents fight, and seeing my stepdad break my mothers nose. It stays with you, haunts your dreams, and makes you really grateful for what you have later as an adult. I have a 16 month old daughter, and we NEVER fight around her. I swore as a child that my child would never know my life, and I will stick to that.

Answer 7

I was in the same boat as you. I never saw my parents argue. They have been married for 30+ years. The only way we, my sister and I, knew they were argueing was Mom wouldn't talk to Dad. But, it was rare.

My ex and I argued constantly. Her parents are also still married, and she had the same situation as me. She never really saw her parents argue either.

So, who knows, but I understand where you are coming from.

Answer 8

Yes i did grow up with this and it made me very insecure and scared at times. BUT they stuck it out and never divorced and at times things were good. My dad had a temper he could not control at times and my mom was this quite timid little woman. If you and your husband argue constantly seek counseling and help for this. I have learned from what i saw growing up and have not brought that into this marriage. We have chosen not to argue or fight. We choose to talk about things calmly and to work through things and differences together. It is about choices and if you choose to not argue and fuss back at him BUT instead choose to think before responding and talk to him in a calm collective tone he will not argue more then likely he will talk too. When you are upset and angry do not talk then. Wait til you are calm to do the talking.

http://www.drphil.com

Answer 9

It is very hard on a child to grow up in a house were the adults are constantly arguing.It can make the children nervous wrecks.No matter how young they are.You should make sure you never and I mean never argue in front of the children.Find a more constructive way of communicating your feelings then yelling and arguing.

Answer 10

I grew up in a house where my parents argued alot and it was terrible! I hated it, and feel like I am still scarred from it. I would resolve your issues soon. You may not think your 2 year knows what is going on, but he does!

Answer 11

My parents argued a lot and lead me to do the same with my husband for years, I wasn't able to just agree to disagree with my husband. I never learned how to argue constructively until a couple years ago.