What does this mean?

Question

I am so confused yet so sad. I have been dating my now boyfriend for about 5 months and the first 3 months were out of this world. Honestly, we got along as the best of friend, we laughed together and he was there any time I needed him for a shoulder to cry on. I am completely and utterly attracted to the guy. He is honest, sincere, loyal, TRUSTWORTHY, HOT, has a beautiful house, and I KNOW he would be a Wonderful father. If I had the choice of any father for my "imaginary" children it would 150% be him. He is completely real. Although 6 months before we started dating I dated a complete jerk for a year. He was abusive, he was a cop until he got caught for abusing me, all in all short story he ended up getting fired and he is no longer a cop, got caught for DUI, is 35 and cannot keep a girlfriend cause he is a player. Although, he was able to steal my heart my sweet talking me and I ended up very hurt when we broke up - I think he still owns a piece of my heart although I hate him at the same time.

So that being said, this relationship I am in is my 1st non dramatic relationship and I feel as though something is missing. I hate saying what I dont like about him cause it makes me sound ridiculous but I feel like his niceness is too much sometimes, I analyze everything he does. My ex could dress up in a pink tu-tu with one of my bra's and I would have just laughed but honestly if my new beau were to do that I think I would judge him based on it. I still enjoy spending time with him, I enjoy having sex with him and I enjoy relaxing with him but for some reason I dont feel like I love him like I am supposed to. I sometimes get frustrated with how much he kisses me or is all over me but I think I can over it. What I am asking is why is this happening. During the 1st 3 months things became very serious. We moved in together and I was 150% sure I wanted to start my life with him, now I question myself and I dont know why. Is my gut trying to tell me something or am I just not used to having a normal/healthy relationship. If there is anything in this world that I want to work it would be this relationship. I know I could have an incredible life with him. But I feel stressed cause I dont know if this is what love is supposed to feel like?!?!?!

Or could it be because for the past 5 months we have spent EVERY night together. Honestly every night?!?!?!

Answer 1

Sometimews when you get used to being treated with less affection and respect, you don't know how to take it when someone is better to you. You almost feel as though they are too sweet. As you get older you will realize that these are the ones that'll be there for you when you really need them. Not the ones that take you for granted, abuse or disrespect you. Enjoy it honey, good guys are very hard to find!!

Answer 2

You know, I think you are off to a great start to finding out what is going on. I read your comments in your question very carefully, & I observed something that is very important.
You aren't trying to figure out what is wrong with these two guys. Instead you seem to be questioning what YOU are doing, & WHY you are doing it.

I once heard it said that unless you can figure out why you entered into, or stayed in an abusive relationship, you will probably be destined to repeat the relationship over, & over again, only with different guys each time.

You are very fortunate to have found a more sensitive & caring individual. But there may be any one, or several explanations for the way you feel about your current boyfriend today.
Some of them you have already stated yourself, so I will suggest something else for your consideration.
You may have entered this new relationship too soon. Even though he is a great guy, you may be starting to realize that he was more of a "Mr Right Now", instead of a "Mr Right".

OR:

Instead of working on yourself, & your own issues, are you just hopping from one relationship into the next? Because if you are & this is your 1st experience with a non-toxic relationship, you may be rejecting it instinctively because it is so unfamiliar to you. As sick as it may sound, we all tend to gravitate to the familiar, because that is a place where we can more accurately predict the outcome.

You are with this wonderful guy, who you say you trust 150% to be a good father, husband, & partner.
What would it do to you if he suddenly ended it for whatever reason at the time?
I suspect that you would be devastated. Am I right?
If I am, then right now I think you are feeling quite vulnerable, because if you surrendered your heart to this new man & he screwed with it like all the other guys before him, you would be totally & completey crushed beyond repair.
So you are fighting for control over the situation the only way you know how.
Before it was a lot easier with the other jerks that you partnered with. This guy is a little more difficult because he doesn't give you grief in the ways that you are familiar. So you are trying to find fault in even the nice things he does. (remember, he's "too nice")
What may be happening here is that he's picking up the tab for all of the other guys that came before him.
Now there is a place that you can take control of. You can make the decision that what those other guys did to you has nothing to do with your new guy. It's all baggage that you are now carrying. So you can keep it, or lose it, it's your choice.

Now if it's a matter of personal space (every night together for the past 5 months) then that's no reason to end a relationship.
Just round up a few of your girlfriends for a "Girls Night Out" once in a while. Go visit your mom, or something just to take a breath of fresh air. If he's the right guy for you then he will be good with that, as a matter of fact he will encourage it if it allows you to be a healthier, happier person.

I just realized that I am starting the 1st chapter of a book here, so I will cut to the quick with a suggestion that you try a few sessions of councelling to get at the root of why you tend to gravitate to abusive relationships, & why you start to feel uncomfortable in a safer, more nurturing environment.
It may be an interesting, & revealing journey.
Cheers! :-)

Answer 3

maybe it could be because the last guy you were wit abused u and controlled you and this guy lets u do what ever. you get used to the stupid shoo shoo like that and you miss it when they are gone basically i think you are submissive and the guy u are wit is too and the last guy was dominate, and thats the type of person u want. and the reason u feel frustraited is because you think he is too clingy and not enough distanced from u if you get me u want something to go for and he dont offer it ....my oppinion
and there is such athing as too much time together you still need to do youre own thing honey do not revolve youre whole life arround a man because they will either run or become worse

Answer 4

we get use to something our bodies get adjusted ,we get use to a particular way of life but sometimes change is needed.he loves you,you have to accept change for the better.He treats you like a lady you need it.