My wife and I are experiencing some tough times - she is going through some changes - is discovering aspects to herself for the first time and we have been married for seven years. I betrayed our trust by looking at her email accounts. She lied to me about two guys, telling me they were gay (To protect me, because I would freak out) when they were not. Now we are barely speaking to eachother and I am giving her as much space as our family of six can. I am wondering what I can do to help make the situation better for all involved. I know that any pressure I put on her will make her just want to run in the opposite direction. Help.
2007-02-15 01:50:29 · 8 answers · asked by findingselflove 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My wife has started a new business, had breast augmentation surgery, complete wardrobe change, started smoking and hanging out with friends more all within the last 6 weeks.
2007-02-15 05:53:25 · update #1
Don't worry. You will soon get over the phase. Just don't stop talking. Keep communicating without being angry, acting as a good friend only. There are times when you need to keep you patience. There are mistakes that we all do and we must realize that even husbands and wives may occasionally have secrets from each other. Don't take it to heart. Just remember that even you cannot claim to be totally guilt-free. It happens. After all we all are humans. Soon you both will fall into place and forget about all this.
2007-02-15 02:15:24 · answer #1 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sometimes - for a short while, silence can be good to let you get past the emotion.
It is never good to snoop in other people's things but when you do not trust someone than it is hard to have a healthy relationship.
Clearly - If you want your relationship to grow - you have to talk about the issues. The fact that your wife is having other "relationships" and the fact that you are threatened by them or other issues that can't be seen from here.
In the end you have to own your feelings and action and take care of them first.
You might want to seek some counseling - It really can help if both people want it to work.
Good luck
2007-02-15 09:57:32 · answer #2 · answered by Bob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife is going through tough times why is she adding more fuel to the fire by being involved with other guys. She must be falling out of love with you and has decided to look else where. This is sad since she isn't trying to help your marriage by what she is doing. To rebuild trust in each other it takes both of you to do that. Both must be honest with their feelings for each other If I were you I'd sit her down and begin to ask her questions about your relationship. Ask her if she wants a divorce or meet you half way to work on the relationship. Time will tell by the input she gives you! Actions are louder than words, so watch what she does. Hope this helps. Cocoa
2007-02-15 10:06:22 · answer #3 · answered by cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK so you caught your wife talking to other guys on the Internet. You need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how you feel.
Tell her you want to get past this and move on to better times. Do little things to win her back. Why was she talking to another guy? That is what you need to figure out. If you love her you need to tell her and see how she feels. Its seems to me that you sensed something going on and that's why you looked at her emails. Talk about this and maybe you can turn things around. Good Luck.
2007-02-15 10:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by jjeano661 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard to rebuild trust but if you really love the person, you have to commit and get done with the business, confront her but not in interrogation, she will be humiliated, so tell her its ok if you are talking to a guy or guys on the net. Tell her about your fear about losing her for other guys, tell her how valuable she is to you, instead of mocking her or pointing fingers. Trust is very hard to talk to someone you love, very sensitive topic but if the communication done in gentle way and serious too, tell her how you love her so on so fort. If you did this, she will be guilty if she is not, i think you have to give her liberation. goodluck!
2007-02-15 10:20:03 · answer #5 · answered by sure_whatever_29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I am not understanding the problem. You looked at her e-mail account? BIG DEAL? If she was not doing something to feel guilty about, there would not be a problem. There is nothing on my computer, e-mails, purse, journals or anywhere else, that would be a problem if my husband look at them. When you are married, you share things. There has to be something else going on since just looking at her e-mails is not something a normal adult would have a problem with unless there was something else going on.
2007-02-15 09:57:21 · answer #6 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Space is good to rationalize any trust issues you might have, but you can only avoid this issue for so long. You two need to reevaluate the situation, but space is also a way of avoiding the issue as well. Eventually you need to confront it. Your love for her will allow you to forgive, but it will also allow you to compromise your beliefs. To make the situation better for you, you just need to be brutally honest with her. You need to tell her what she NEEDS to hear, not what she WANTS to hear. You might hear things you don't want to hear, but for a relationship to work there needs to be honesty. You can only control your actions, and if you want it to work, start with your end.
2007-02-15 12:20:48 · answer #7 · answered by Need Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find the cause without making her feel guilty as to y she thought abt somebody other than u .mayb u r not giving her enough time/attention/love /support which she is trying to seek elsewhere. b thankful there r 2 guys which means she is not seriously involved with any one of them and she loves u but is expecting somethig which u r not giving her. b patient forget yr own pain for a while and try to understand her. gud luc
2007-02-15 10:01:09 · answer #8 · answered by ng2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋