am i expecting too much?

Question

on valentines day it was our 30th wedding anniversary,our daughter gave us 30 pounds towards a meal.because of no child minder we decided to either get a take away or i;d do a meal. so i brought everything for a home made chinese 10 pounds to get some wine and a DVD i used the other 20 for the meal and to make it extra special i also brought some strawberrys and cream a bunch of flowers and a card . i really did need this to be special as at christmas my mother died i was with her for the last 9 days of her life she passed away in my arms s my hubby did not attend the funrall with me as he had other obuligations and hes never been keen on my mum any way so as you can see i really needed to feel his love,when he came home from work he had the wine and dvd, was it wrong of me to be so upset that i recived no card or flowers in fact nothing that would have come out of his own pocket. i told him i felt upset so he went out and got me a plastic flower some chocks and a mag ,

Answer 1

No, you are not expecting too much at all but I really think you should have this conversation with your husband. Neglect is usually a result of a lack of communication. I know these things are difficult to discuss but difficult is better than leaving it to brew. Just tell him everything you have told us, I am confident he will realise he owes you more than this, especially considering your recent loss, my condolences by the way.

Speak to him, tell him you really wanted it to be special and it would be nice if he showed more thought and paid more attention.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Some men are romantic and then others are not. Your hubby seems to lack in the romantic department. Has he always been this way? If so, then maybe with a little hint ahead of time he will be motivated to be more romantic. In other words, the day before a special occasion you can say, "last night I had a romantic dream of you and me, wow, I cannot get the images out of my head! Honey let's plan something romantic tomorrow? I would love to start off by seeing my handsome man walk into the door with a beautiful rose in his hand just for me! I can hardly wait."
Try saying something similar to this and see what happens. Also, make a big fuss and show how happy you are with him whenever he does do any thing romantic no matter how small the action, this will motivate him to do more.
If he has been romantic in the past and all of a sudden he has not made an effort to do so, then I would say there is an under lying problem going on. Maybe he is carrying around some kind of resentment or anger towards you. If this is the case, you have to think this over and see what it is that he is holding in and not telling you. Once you know what it is he is angered about then maybe you two can start by talking about it and hopefully be able to clear the air. Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

No your not expecting too much. But after 30 years, maybe it 's time to stop expecting and start accepting. You will just get worked up and it will not change him one iota. Forget the flowers and card. If you want to feel his love, you need to tell him step by step what you need him to do. Sometimes a heart to heart will work wonders. Some men have no idea and it sounds like you've got one like mine. Condolences for your mum's passing. Good luck with your hubby.

Answer 4

You are not expecting too much. Has he been this way all along or just this one? Talk to him about it. Maybe he thought since your daughter gave you the money, that was all you were doing. Especially since you did not get him anything either except what you got for the meal (at least you do not say you did).

Answer 5

Was he romantic in the past? If he was then he has become lazy and self absorbent. If he hasn't , well then what did you expect? A big change? No, old dogs rarely learn new tricks. I feel very bad for you and even though you have put a lot of years into this relationship, is it one you want to continue? You have my sympathy

Answer 6

SOME MEN JUST DON'T GET IT! No, you have every right to be upset, I understand what you're saying, but you need to let him know what you're feeling, and what exactly it is that you need. MEN NEED THINGS LAID OUT FOR THEM, PLAIN BLACK AND WHITE!

Sorry for you're loss! Good luck with hubby!

Answer 7

he should of thoughth about you before you said anything and he should say something to coffort you you lost your mom i know how you feel my mom died beside me in bed when i was 18 im 58 now

Answer 8

he didnt go to the furneal does he know what its like to lose your mom god what a jerk and he got you a plastic flower