me and my fiancee` live together, everything is going great except stuff in the bedroom, we made a agreement that she wanted to stay a virgin until our wedding night and i am cool with that. We have enganed in other sexual activities to hold us over. The only thing is that she keeps saying that she is in the mood, but she just doesnt want to do anything. i am wondering if this is a lack of sex drive, or what. And is it going to carry over to when we are married.
2007-02-15 01:25:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she is a virgin, and she does know what a orgasm is,
2007-02-15 01:47:10 · update #1
She's been trained by who ever told her to keep her virginity whether it be misogynists, religious leaders or abstinence only educators or some combination of the three. It most definitely will carry over to your marriage, but I'd need more details about why she feels like sex is some sort of forbidden burden before telling you what to do to help her become sexually healthy. Perhaps, you two should invest in a good sex therapist.
2007-02-15 01:33:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me that she's worried you two will go all the way before your wedding night. If you two are doing "other stuff" to "hold you over", women too have only so much will power. Sit down, at the dinner table, not in your bedroom, and have an intimate honest deep conversation about your current sex life, and expectations for the future. Tell her in a non threatening way about your concerns, and really listen to her reply, and her feelings too. I'll bet she's just worried about breaking the agreement, and/or hurting you and your feelings.
2007-02-15 01:46:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm confused... but all in all this might be risky.
Ask yourself this, did you know what an orgasm was when you were still a virgin? Yes? Well then why doesn't she know what one is?
But then when she says she is in the mood , does this not indicate a sex drive... or is it infrequent when she says she is in the mood????
Anyway... be careful not to marry into a sex drive mismatch situation. You will live in hell if you do.
2007-02-15 02:41:15 · answer #3 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you are approaching her in the wrong way. She might just want you to try a little harder to get her affections, or try something a little different. Men seem to get wrapped up in the daily routine of things, and can forget to be romantic. Try bringing her home some flowers for no reason, or making a nice meal, candles, music, etc.
OR, maybe she just doesn't trust herself with you. You said she wants to wait until marriage, that may be getting more and more difficult for her to do. You two live together and are obviously comfortable with each other, she may just be afraid she will get wrapped up in the moment.
So, try a nice romantic evening, if that doesn't get you anywhere, then you need to talk to her and see if she will tell you why she hasn't been in the 'mood' lately. If she is afraid of breaking her promise to wait until marriage, then you are just going to have to give her space until the wedding.
2007-02-15 01:35:31 · answer #4 · answered by cybereagle03 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay I hope i can help. I think what is happening is she is really really interested in you. She truly believes she must stay a virgin till marrage.Your previouse actions and involvements jepordize her wish. You are jepordizing her wish. So she is retreating. Shying away from you by sayin shes not in the mood. She may know if it continues she will lose control. She may question your actions as well as hers. and Think ? What is he doing ?..what am i doing?. Its going to lead to sex... I cant do this.... oh my god I have to stay a virgin . This is so important to me .May think she has already done wrong.
She does love you . Support her and hold her. Promise her you will never jepordize this wish... and don't. Make it as important to you as it is to her.This is something you must talk to her about. Dont scare her off. Tell her you are there for her no matter what. She is afraid to open her heart now with all her feelings and emotions. She may be afraid you may just take this and go,or that Its a gift she wants to give. A special gift form her ,one to her that she wants to share with you. If you love her. Be paitient and kind. Be true and honest. Not judgemental. Not rude. Not selfish. Love her unconditionally . Be Romantic and yourself. Feel free to read this to her. Tell her your concerns. Your Honesty and communication is so important now. She wants this gift to give you. Let the gift be special. Take it slow and you will do fine. Don't be afraid , She loves you. She will be there forever. Thats her plan. Happiness and true love. She has found the right one and wants to do it they way she thinks is right .
You really do have to communicate this to her and express you concerns but also support her. Very important. You have to support her. If NOT she will remember the pressures you have put on her. She may feel she has already gone too far. Tell her it is okay, that you will love her and support her. That you will do whatever it takes. And that you are not going anywhere. That your time togther is so special. That you want to share every moment and thought. Tell her she has done no wrong. You will be there for her. I wish you the best. good luck I hope this helps.
It is not true that this behaivor will continue after marrage. Make her feel comfortable and it all will happen. If she holds back after marrage .You must tell her again your thoughts and love for her. When her heart opens to you .... totally .....U will know...
2007-02-15 02:05:43 · answer #5 · answered by luvtopaint 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She wants to save herself for marriage which is very cool. She feels tempted and has guilt for that. I am not sure whether the decision to wait is based on religion or just morals but either way there is a book called Romantic Lovers the authors are David and Carroll hocking (I am not 100% sure on the last name but it is close). It is biblical based and may help you both. It is made to help young christian couples to understand that within the bonds of marriage there are no limitations to the pleasures you can give each other. I am 95% sure that once you are married you will find that your wife is a wonderful lover.
2007-02-15 01:37:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She probably doesn't know how an orgasm feels. A few years ago I was in the same position, every time my b/f talks about sex I just have no feelings, so he suggested that I try to play with myself so that I could have an orgasm and know how if feels, so I did what he suggested and wheeeew my sex drive was totally changed after that.
2007-02-15 01:44:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This gives a new meaning to the word HYPOCRESY.
Leaving in the same house, having oral and other s ex, having orgasms...
Well, she doesn't have too much like a pristine virgin to me....
2007-02-15 01:57:23 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you live together and do other sexual activities but not actual sex. Probably will carry over since she is nuts. and you too for putting up with it.
2007-02-15 01:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are planning to marry you must learn a very important lesson now. Communication!!!!! You won't know what she is thinking or feeling unless you sit down and talk to her. If you two don't talk then your marriage will must likely fail. So go talk to her.
2007-02-15 01:42:07 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋