he has started doing volunteering work for a childrens hospital radio these hours are 4 hours on a thursday night (straight after his job) and 4 hours on a sunday (his only day off)
this means that sundays which was family day is now rubbish without him and on thursdays i'm on my own with 5 kids all day
I feel really cruel asking him to stop but it dosen't seem fair I also know he would not let me do anything like this.
I've just had a big row with him about it and all he says is that I've won by stopping him going or that we should split up
does anyone have any advice ?
2007-02-15 01:25:10 · 11 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
good grief.......splitting up is on the table just because he does volunteer work???????? there's way more to this story than meets the eye.....he doesn't "let" you do anything like volunteer......he is only your boyfriend and you have five children??? No doubt you have heard lots of advice from your friends and family over the years related to your situation and you haven't listened to them....what makes you think you will suddenly listen to strangers' advice? Do some volunteer work one day a week on your own.......join a church program and sign up for the Mommy's day out....if he's at work it shouldn't bother him that you have a day a week to yourself......
2007-02-15 01:34:55 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Crunch time. The first thing you have to ask yourself when you've calmed down, is are you happy overall with your relationship. Sure he does spend a lot of time away, but what is the cause of that. You say you have 5 kids, maybe after work he needs time to himself just to escape from the turmoil. Or it might mean that there is no longer anything he feels towards you.
Get a child minder in for a night, go out for a meal and try to relax a bit. Then talk to each other, open up and ask him why he feels he needs to stay away. You might not like the answer or it might be one that can be solved. The key word is communication.
Listening as well as talking.
It might seem unfair that it's left to you to raise the kids on your own, while he is away. But, you have to consider your alternatives. If you cannot solve the rift between you on your own then there are help groups out there which both of you can go to, to try resolve this crisis.
Deciding what to do is not going to be easy for you, especially with 5 children. But there are families out there who live there lives together in a worse situation where they shouldn't be together. Consider what you have compared to those in other relationships. It is hard being a parent, especially if the other partner doesn't seem to want to contribute. But as your children grow up. things will get easier.
2007-02-15 09:48:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it. If he is to have any sort of home life with you, he will have to compromise a bit. what does he think you have won? something he was trying to take from you in the first place - quality time.
What do you mean, he would not let you do anything like this?
I hope you have some outlet that is exclusively yours; something he and the kids don't come into - even if it's only window shopping on a Saturday .
It sounds to me that he's not too keen on the whole family bit in the first place; he has gone to a lot of trouble to make himself absent as much as possible; and then he threatens you with splitting up because you object to that?
How much do you really need this guy in your life?
2007-02-15 15:41:02 · answer #3 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off are all 5 kids his? If they are maybe he should find sometime with them. Still do his volunteer work but maybe do it for two hrs each day. You really should be proud of him though. Not most men will do volunteer work. I know it does get lonley when its just you and the kids but hay why split up over volunteer work? Keep your head up and maybe see if you can do volunteer work with him, make it a family thing. Well Good Luck
2007-02-15 10:17:18 · answer #4 · answered by chip d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are the kids his? If they are has he never heard Charity begins at home? No good doing charity work and neglecting your family. If they are not his children puts a slightly different angle on the problem. Five children,despite loving you could just be too much for him and he needs his space. He may really like the kids but LOVING them as a dad can be very hard. Try and sit down and calmly sort it out.
2007-02-15 18:24:28 · answer #5 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi commitment to you seems pretty shaky. Its really nice of him to do volunteer work but it sounds as though you could do with some help and his responsibility lies with his own family. Compromise - ask him to just do Thursday night and leave Sunday for family activity.
2007-02-15 09:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by LillyB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in the same boat husband and son going out every sat & sun on their motorbikes for me to be left home dong the housework and a roast dinner on the sunday. i thought sod this so i got a motorbike and go out with them now its great all the family doing something together and even better a take away meal because we are usually home to late to do a roast.
so why dont you have a go on the radio good luck!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-15 09:37:45 · answer #7 · answered by SOJLO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have your hands full thats for sure. i am one of 5 boys my mom was busy too.
i dont know what to say except you might be wise to let things cool off before you mention this topic again .
sure it would be great if he was more of a help i have to wonder why is not being more helpfull. are you sure he is doing what he says he is doing when he goes out
2007-02-15 09:31:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop being selfish. It's not going to last forever and in the meantime, think of the good he's doing.
2007-02-15 09:38:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Split up, he wants control and doesn't want to compromise.
2007-02-15 09:30:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋