2007-02-15 00:57:14 · 27 answers · asked by SOJLO 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Why isn't it right? she can't spend forever alone, maybe she needs companionship to get her by. Your father passed away 10 years ago, i think she waited long enough, just support her.
2007-02-15 01:00:57 · answer #1 · answered by star-e 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are two different things here - one, the fact that your father is dead and nothing is going to change it, so accepting that is an important step in mourning and honouring him; and two - your sense that it was wrong that he died, and how this makes you aware of the unfairness of life. He isn't going to come back, so accepting his death seems to me the only way to go with the first bit. But I very much hope that your anger at the fact that he died may enable you to fight for other people. I don't know why or how he died, but perhaps there is something you want to take a stand about. But if you are saying you can't accept the existence of death, at least in relation to your father, then there is some important work to be done in accepting human mortality. You could choose to live your life without accepting this, but you're going to have a heck of a hard time - not just unhappiness, but an agony of meaninglessness. If this is the case, I strongly recommend you try psychotherapy - not to 'fix' you, but to enable you to explore what this is all about for you. My hunch is you will find some really important things, that give your life meaning.
2016-05-24 03:02:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to how you feel. My mother dies 11 years ago and my father took a new partner after just 6 months! This didn't last long but at the time I was gutted. It took me a long time to realise that my dad was just lonely he had spent his whole life devoted to my mum and when she was gone there was a huge void.
Your mum is a person too, with needs and feelings. You have to understand that she has the right to happiness just like everyone else. How would you feel if you had to spend the rest of your life alone just to keep someone else happy?
It is by no means a disrespect to our father I'm quite sure he will always have a place dear to you mothers heart but after ten years now is the time to move on.
I know this is not easy for you but you have no choice but to accept it or risk loosing your mother aswell.
I truly hope you can find it in yourself to look at this from your mothers point of view and gradually in time learn to deal with it.
Take care
2007-02-15 01:05:34 · answer #3 · answered by lisa_lee100 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't keep her from having a life of her own. Just because she is with another person doesn't mean she loved your Dad any less. Everyone has to deal with a loss in their own way, my Grandfather remarried 6 weeks after my Grandmother passed away, he married my Grandmothers sister. My Grandparents had been married 52 years and she had been bedridden the last 2 years before she died, my Great-Aunt helped take care of her the last couple months of her life, she knew how dependent my Grandfather was on a woman's help and companionship. We were/are so grateful that she married him, they were together 20 years before he passed away. We didn't want our Grandfather to live his remaining years alone, nobody should be all alone no matter how old they are, and I know you are there for your Mom but it is just not the same as a companion by your side. Be happy for her that she has someone else, not a replacement but another.
2007-02-15 01:18:24 · answer #4 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a simple answer, it's because you love your father, and you still miss him. That's perfectly fine and normal -- there will never be another father in your life, which is perfectly acceptable.
But you need to start to see your mother as an individual, not just as your father's wife. She's an adult with her own life and her own emotional needs. For her to move on with her life after 10 years is no betrayal to memories of your father, or to her life from that time. It's merely healing, adjusting, and moving onward.
Her new relationship does not have to be a father-figure for you. Establish whatever adult relationship with him that you choose -- but do it independent of your own past, and give him a fair shake. He's not a replacement, so don't treat him like an intruder.
Take the step to realize your mother's individuality, and try to support her as she makes choices in her life. If you take the time to understand her, your relationship will be better for it, short and long term.
2007-02-15 01:04:20 · answer #5 · answered by Jarien 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having lost my father in 1994, I can understand your resentment to having a new "father-figure" in your life.
Although a decade may seem long to some people, to others it may only seem like yesterday. Please understand that I felt the same way when my mother wanted to start dating again, and in the end I realised that although she is my mother, she was still a person in need of company and loving that can't be provided by just friends or family and, although rather begrudgingly, told her it was fine.
Another way of thinking about things is: If you were married and had kids, and lost your partner, would you live a monastic life of seclusion and celibacy? Or would you try and enjoy the life you have left, knowing that your kids were self sufficient?
2007-02-15 04:28:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt act like if she gets a new partner that you will have a troubled life, youre most likely at the age where you rely on your own emotion to get you thru. Dont get in your moms business just be happy for her. You dont want her growing old alone do you? Be happy that someone else sees the beauty in her that your dad once did so he has to have some characteristics like your dad. Moms have good judgement and if there are no reasons why you dislike him she wont give him up. So dont make her choose.
2007-02-15 01:03:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you ever encounter what your mother has gone through, then maybe you'll understand. At least she waited 10 years. Most women are back in the saddle within a year. Give your mother some slack. She has wants and needs too. And I'm sure your father would want her to be happy again. :)
2007-02-15 01:03:14 · answer #8 · answered by Gasman 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mother having a new partner will never replace your father but after 10 years you should be happy for and let her move on. I'm sure your father wouldn't have wanted her to remain single in honor of him for the rest of her life.
Imagine switching roles and if it was you. Would you want to be single for ever?
2007-02-15 01:04:20 · answer #9 · answered by zanoshi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother might have gotten tired of having to carry the whole load of taking care of everything herself and tired of the loneliness of not having a special guy in her life. nAlso you should figure by now you must be at least around 15 years old and once you are grown and go to live on your own or someone you fall in love with, who will she have in her life? If this guy is good to her then it is good she got him while she could because the way things go nowadays. If she passed him up she might never find another decent guy cause they are getting to be rare. You need to get over it and realize she can't live in the past memories the rest of her life.
2007-02-15 01:08:42 · answer #10 · answered by sapphire_630 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It IS right of her - the vow is "Til death do us part" - and it did, ten years ago. She has honoured your father's memory, but now she has a right to a new life. You should be happy for her, and I'm sure your father would too.
It doesn't mean she loves your father any less, any more than a mother loves her first child any less when a second one is born.
2007-02-15 01:08:22 · answer #11 · answered by gvih2g2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋