Why didn't my husband get me a valentines gift? It hurt...?

Question

It's not the first time either. For years he has neglected to get me ANYTHING on holidays, even my birthday and christmas.

When he sees I'm hurt he's all like, "I'm such a schmuck" or whatever and then just waits for me to get over it.

I never asked for or wanted anything fancy...even just a card would be nice. In the past I have cried, gotten mad, and everything. This time I just said nothing and later I was crying to myself. There was nothing he could say. I just didn't understand it. I don't ask for much from him ever. A note, a thought, a kind word. Anything.

What can I say or do? I know guys aren't into all of that. But it means something to me, and he knows it.

I didn't get him a gift, but I had a fabulous dinner, little valentine cups with handmade treats in it, and a balloon centerpiece. Just thoughtful stuff.
Any advice?

Answer 1

Girl ive been delaing for that for 3 years, my husband always says that we are married now and he already got me that;'s why he doesn't give me anything. I tell him now that i'm his wife that is all the more reason to give me something cause i have to deal with his sh** everyday! you'll get over it, just don't give him anything!!

If you want to talk more about our non-giving gifts husbands email me!!!

Answer 2

Stop allowing this behavior and start thinking like a woman. First, have a talk with your husband. Tell him in a loving way that it hurts when he doesn't give you a gift. Also, say that you would at least like to receive something on your birthday and Christmas (don't worry about Valentine's day, because that can come later). No matter how he responds, don't get upset. Just be sure he understands that you expect a gift on Christmas and your birthday. Then, wait for the next gift-giving occasion.

If he doesn't give you a gift and you guys use credit cards, buy yourself something nice and charge it on his credit card. If you want flowers, call the florist and have them delivered in his name. If you don't use credit cards, either use your own money to buy yourself something and deduct it from the grocery money, or give him a bill for the gift, with the receipt of purchase attached. OR, if you'd rather get the money up front, simply tell him you need $100.00 (or however much you need), and buy yourself a gift.

Continue to fix the fabulous dinners and such, but also make sure he either gives you a gift, or that he pays for one. Some men are slow learners, and others are just plain stubborn. Either way, stand your ground on this one. If he doesn't mind paying while you do your own gift shopping, you've hit the jackpot--you'll always get exactly what you want! And don't stand on sentimentality. It doesn't matter if he buys the gift or if you select something nice for yourself. Wise women know it's about the gift, not who picks it.

BTW: If you have sons, you might start expecting a gift from them as well, even if it's just a homemade card. This will help prepare them for adulthood, by teaching them to remember the woman in their life. As for your husband: understand that in some cases, a woman only gets what she asks for, either in words or actions. If you don't ask for anything, you surely won't get anything!

Answer 3

Some men are just **** holes.... I learned there are GIVERS AND TAKERS in this world. I married a TAKER.... It has hurt me time and time again not to get a little something for my birthday or Christmas. They once said, "A MAN CHEAP WITH HIS MONEY IS ALSO CHEAP WITH HIS AFFECTION!!!" How true!!! Just had my 65th birthday and once again I didn't get anything!! So hard for me, as a GIVER to be married to a TAKER. People say do the SAME TO HIM, but I can't without feeling so ugly and bad. My marriage should have ended decades ago. I tried, but hit road blocks of cancer and almost lost my son to a horrible accident. Maybe, I am just a FOOL who can't break away from this CHEAP AND INCONSIDERATE MAN.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for you, and I know all too well how you feel. I absolutely dread any kind of "special" day....those day s are sooo disappointing, and downright, sad for me. I remember trying to explain why I wanted a small token on such occasions, and I was told that I was wrong for having expected anything at all....it's just society making us think we deserve gifts.

I still have this arguement with my significant other......he says its all about money for me. But it is not.......I want him to make me a bubble bath, or light candles in the bedroom, take the kids to a sitter so I can have an afternoon off, make me lunch (for once)....those types of things. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to wanting flowers sent to me at work once a year; I think every woman wants that. I don't know why he doesn't think I am worth that.

I wish I knew you.....I'd hug you and cry with you, and make certain you never had another empty-handed occasion. You'll be in my thoughts.........

Answer 5

I feel bad that you didn't get a card. I always give a card and flowers on Valentine's Day. It's the right thing to do whether you are a guy or a girl.

If this has been happening for awhile, you need to have a 'sit-down' with your hubby and put all your and his cards on the table. If he still doesn't even get a card for you (birthdays, anniversaries, etc) then stop doing it for him. Harsh thing to say, but it takes TWO people to make a relationship work.

Good luck and keep your chin up.
(sorry so long winded)

Answer 6

Well, he is what he is. I don't think you can change it.

Does he REALLY think he's a schmuck, or does he just say that you make you think he feels bad?

Some people are just like that. Most likely, he has always been like that.

Your choices are:

1. Get used to it.
2. Don't get anyone anything anymore. Just have a home without presents.
3. Make a really big deal out of it. This likely won't work - maybe he'll comply, but compulsory present-giving is kind of meaningless, isn't it?

What else can you do?

Answer 7

My husband used to get me gifts. The last 3 yrs he hasn't. He drives semi and claims he can't stop! It's been 15 yrs and I'm sick of it.

Answer 8

I think that 99% of men are idiots.

My husband for our first christmas bought me some clothes that looked like stuff an old grandma would wear. Now this valentine's day he bought me a chocolate massage - which may be nice to some people, however I don't like it at all. I have received chocolate as gifts from people and he has seen me re-gift it always - yet for some reason he would think I would want chocolate on my body - It feels like he is saying here get fat and have acne for valentine's day (that is how much I dislike it).


Maybe your husband like mine is just lame at giving gifts and rather than try and faulter he doesn't try at all.

Answer 9

(Beauty) Just Thanks God for your life, So much I was crying I had no shoes till I met someone without legs. So much is given to us on Earth, but it is apportion unto us by the grace of God. See it this way, you are not giving the grace to endure this and you can do it. This will not affect your marriage in anyway, this is because God has giving you grace to raise a family and love your children irrespective of your differences in the home. I thank God you took the responsibility to take care of your husband by showing him what it means to love and care. that dinner was God sent and it help to heal your wound also, do things this positive way you are already doing it, and you will see the end products of it. Such will bring good luck and fair future to you and your children. Please don’t feel so bad about this.
When you show love to your husband, it reflects to you also, that why you even had good time with him during that little moment of having dinner together.

Answer 10

Well....you'll not change his ways. BUT...you can buy yourself something nice, a new outfit, a diamond ring or necklace that you've had your eye on. Why cook him a nice dinner for the occasion? Slap a piece of bologna on a piece of bread, cut it in a heart slap and serve it on a paper towel to him and let him know that you have made plans to go to dinner with a few girlfriends. Don't wait for him to satisfy your needs on these special holidays. When he spends a few holidays alone or sees how happy you are with your new purchase of an outfit, new piece of jewelry, trip to the spa. He may just decide he needs to be more respectful of you and your feelings. Don't be hateful or resentful. Let him know, "honey, see my new ring/necklace I got for Valentines Day?" Happy Belated Valentines Day to you, I hope your hurt goes away!

Answer 11

Just by the way you described your husband and the way you described what you had "fabulous dinner" sounds as though you two are polar opposites. Opposites attract but when it comes to holidays, birthdays, etc. don't expect much of anything unless you give him ultimatums. But of course then it won't be as special now will it. Just know that you married someone that isn't particular when it comes to special events. If you were expecting more, that isn't his fault - it's yours. You should have realized that before you married him.