so, i'll try to make this short
my husband is a great dad.
he is military and going to deploy soon. before he deploys he is taking a leave (vacation days) tomorrow and all next week. normally, our son is in daycare b/c we both work f/t.
he still wants me to take the baby to daycare everyday and "if he gets done what he needs to get done that day" he'll go and pick him up early.
the only thing he has to do is put up a fence in the back yard, which will be time consuming and nearly impossible to do while watching the baby, i get that, but if he's not working on the fence, then why should the baby be in daycare??
the "other" things he wants to get done are things i would be able to do while taking care of the baby. you can make dinner with the baby. you can read and do homework for an online class while taking care of the baby....
i feel like he's slacking on daddy duty....
how would you handle this??
i already started the discussion, but it wasn't going well....
2007-02-15 00:16:00 · 9 answers · asked by joey322 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
am i overreacting?
am i trying to make him do what i want him to do and maybe not what's right for him??
but, then, what about the baby....he'll be at daycare when he could be home with his dad...
thanks for any help!
2007-02-15 00:17:22 · update #1
I seems to me that you are expecting your husband to care for the baby the same way you would. But you are two different people -- and it is not fair to expect him to do everything the same way you do it. He knows himself and his limits, and I think you should respect HIS choices for how to spend HIS time.
You may be pleasantly surprised to discover how many days he ends up getting the baby early if you allow him the freedom to choose for himself.
2007-02-15 01:05:24 · answer #1 · answered by not yet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think that you are overreacting. Building a fence takes concentration with measurements and cutting lumber, installation and painting. Taking a class on-line also requires concentration. Just be thankful that he's the type of father who realizes that he can't accomplish these thing and let the baby roam around the house getting into things. You say that he's going to deploy soon, why not lighten up on him before he leaves. I'm sure that he's not trying to slack off. Good Luck
2007-02-15 00:30:36 · answer #2 · answered by Cheryl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can completely understand why you would feel the way you do. I am a military wife also. You just want your husband to spend as much time as he can with his son before he leaves. I always want the same thing from my husband before he goes away for our boys. Sometimes I wonder if they don't start feeling like they are trying to adjust to not seeing their children. Or if they feel guilty for having to go away. Or if it is simply that they are not good with the emotional aspects of leaving so they deal with it the best way they know how. It is a tough situation to be in but you have to decide to accept his decision or to keep getting upset over it and ruin the last few days you have together. Best of luck to you. Tell your husband I appreciate his service to his country. And from one military wife to another know that your sons and your sacrifices are appreciated also.
2007-02-15 00:31:40 · answer #3 · answered by navy wife 1996 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, think about this. He's about to be deployed away from you and your baby. Maybe he needs some alone time and wind down time. Remember, once he is deployed he will have no down time, no personal space, no opertunity to just hang out. I know as a soldier and dad myself that these things are extremely important for his mental wellbeing. I think you should cut him some slack. If something were to happen to him while he's active, could you forgive yourself for not allowing him this small amount of time to himself?
2007-02-15 00:27:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Other than doing the fence, he should WANT to keep your son home. I used to do daycare and I was always surprised by the number of people that left their kids there even though they were at home.I always managed get stuff at home done while the kids were there, I just think some people are too lazy when it comes to parenting. which is sad for society as a whole.
2007-02-15 00:25:22 · answer #5 · answered by Angela C 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He is doing things around the house trying to make it better for you before deployment. He also wants a little time off to relax, before going. Concider yourself lucky. I have seen many husbands didnt do anything before deployment. He is not slacking in the daddy duty, you dont know how good you have it.
2007-02-15 00:29:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not overreacting. Men can be lazy when it comes to caring for a child- the most challenging job. They can't multi-task like we can. You're better off just putting the baby in the daycare or your husband will be a most rotten mood in having too many distractions.
2007-02-15 00:22:20 · answer #7 · answered by Teddy Bear 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm not really sure how you should handle it, but I don't think you are overreacting. He is the father. That is not a part time job. You can't just pick and choose when you want to take care of your own child. If he is being deployed he should want to spend every minute he can with his son. I know my husband would. That is pretty selfish of him to only want to take care of his son when he wants to.
2007-02-15 00:23:28 · answer #8 · answered by bad_kitty213 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
if he is in the army maybe he dont wont to spend a lot of time with baby it might make him sad to think about this but he does need to let his child get to know him more because ,well if something happened to him over there its a hard call to make
2007-02-15 00:24:34 · answer #9 · answered by mountainchowpurple 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋