This isnt easy.My best friend of 18years is involved with a married guy.(they have a child together)Recently it all came out about their affair. He promised to divorce his wife since they began their affair 5 years ago(he has 2 daughters).Now that everythingis out in the open he still hasnt divorced her. The wife also confirmed that she no longer wants him.I constantly reminded my best friend of the implications if she continues this affair.Now she is depressed, stopped going to work,sleeps the whole day and cries her eyes out.I want to be there for her and I told her that he is not worth her tears.She is living in this fantasy world that they will live happily ever after, Its difficult to support her when i know she is only gonna get hurt in the end.Im at my wits end.How can i help her get over him.She also wants to stop seeing him but then shes at it again.I know its her life,but she depends on me for support.She is the independant one in this friendship.How can I help Her?
2007-02-15 00:01:50 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What a sad situation! You really can't do much for your friend besides being there for her when she needs a friend to lean on. It would of been nice if she would of realized before getting involved with a married man can only be dissaster, not only for her but his family too! (the wife & daughters now her child as well!) Everyone gets hurt in that type of situation. She needs to realize he is a loser! Any guy that could cheat on his wife with her may end up cheating on her and IF he would end up with your friend, how secure is she going to ever be in that type of relationship? She needs to wake up & smell the roses. It's time she takes care of herself & her child! She is a grown woman that has to deal with the situation she got her self into. The best thing you can do is what your probably already doing...give her a lending ear to talk to & a shoulder to cry on.
2007-02-15 00:21:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way you can help her is to be with her through all the cr*p. Don't ever say 'I told you so'. She needs to follow her own path and learn her own way. You can give her advice but she will be the only one who can make any decisions. This guy sounds like a complete sh*t and isn't worth it at all. I think that she is an incredibly lucky person to have such a caring friend and that your continued support will, in the long run, be incredibly valuable.
2007-02-15 00:09:26 · answer #2 · answered by Jojotraveller 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is the one that has to make a decision. You can only be a doormat for so long. And that is what she is doing, she is being a doormat for him. But, she needs to get her act together, if she has lost her job, how does she think she will pay her bills, does she think that this guy will pay them??? Probably not!!! She had better start smelling some coffee and waking up!!!!
2007-02-15 00:27:23 · answer #3 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no helping people who wont help themselves - no ifs, no buts.
You have to let her make these mistakes - how can she truly learn if she does what you or anyone else tells her to?
You have been best mates for 18 years - i hope in another 18 years you will still be best mates and laugh @ what a fool she was.
2007-02-15 03:55:32 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just plain foolish, while your friend is drowning in self pity, she isn't doing anything to help herself to pull out of this situation.
Frankly, she made her own bed and now she needs to lay in it, and you need to just stand by and listen when she comes to you. Above all else don't be doing anything but listening, cause she has to make the descisions of what's she's going to do on her own. You can't make them for her. Cause if you do this for her and she ends up screwing things up again, she'll blame you for her troubles.
While i wouldn't cut off total contact from her i'd back off and be somewhat distant and let her fix this mess to her liking.
2007-02-15 00:17:02 · answer #5 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help her. That's the hard realization. What is quite obvious to you and what you see needs to be done in order for her life to improve is not obvious to her. People are creatures of habit, and get stuck in their ruts and their one track mind of things. The best thing for you to do is to try to look at her side of things, then, you won't be so frustrated in trying to help her. If the situation gets really bad, sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away, which can be difficult, but necessary.
2007-02-15 00:09:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can't really help someone if they don't want to help themselves. u can only advice them and they have a right to accept or reject ur advice. sometimes people need to go through a situation for themselves to realise what family or friends have been telling them. just be there for her and hopefully she will realise (sooner rather than later) where things are heading with this married guy and sort herself out.
2007-02-15 00:09:23 · answer #7 · answered by rambo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to say but you can't help her until she finally decides she has had enough of being made a fool of. All you can do is what you have already done and tell her what you think and be there when she needs you to.
2007-02-15 00:20:13 · answer #8 · answered by kazz06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
popping out on your individuals is a awesome theory, it may help relieve pressure and help you experience more desirable comfortable on your human being epidermis, it continuously feels sturdy even as your no longer hiding your self out of your individuals. As on your dad and mom, i might want to imagine lengthy and frustrating about this determination, did you recognize the way your dad and mom experience about gays, might want to they be accepting of you. in case you dont recognize the answer to those questions i might want to somewhat reccomend that you wait your dad and mom do not opt to draw close each and every intimate element of your lifestyles, in case you wait to inform them that you're bisexual that's is completely high-quality. in case you do ensure to inform all and sundry only be prepared for the aftermath some human beings received't opt to be your buddy, human beings might want to distance themselves from you, some will be very accepting. be particular you're comfortable with your self in the previous you commence telling human beings. ~alex
2016-11-03 12:31:45 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know ur prob hurting too seeing ur friend go thru this but im afraid she needs to pull herself together.....
Honestly men who treat women like this are totally not worth it.....
All I can suggest is that u r there for when she is ready to talk, which im sure u will be.....x
2007-02-15 00:11:45 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋