My boyfriend of 18 mths broke up with me on Sunday over the phone. He obviously couldn't tell me face to face. I was lonely at times when he would go home for weekends, and I often said he didn't call to me as much as I called to him. He said I was trying to get him to do things he didn't want to do, and that I was too bossy. I am not an over bearing person by any means. I just wanted to spend time with him as I loved him. He does have work stresses and family stresses at the moment, and was a bit picky with him this wkend. But I can't believe he called everything off.I was so good to him. I have met another guy since it's over as he was dying to meet me for the last year, and I was curious.It was nice to have someone to talk to as my boyfriend was a bit uncommunicative at times and I found that hard to deal with. But he was a lovely gentle guy and I would never have hurt him and called it off. I'd like to have a long talk with him,How soon should I cantact him, it's been since Sunday?
2007-02-15 00:00:22 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think it might really be over and I all that time, love and effort has been wasted.He might have been feeling like this for a while. He may have never wanted to get serious with me but the first year was great, so he was definitely interested in me.
It is tough.
2007-02-15 00:26:12 · update #1
I wouldn't contact him right now because you have to give him time to sort his feelings out. Maybe he prematurely ended the relationship due to the stressors you say he's been going through, being "picky" towards him last Sunday may have pushed him over the edge and he may have acted hastily. I'm sure he still loves you and is waiting on your call but, now you say you have pursued a new relationship, already! You should see how things will go with your ex before getting into a new relationship or "friendship" with this new guy that has been chasing you for a year. You don't want to hurt this guy either for I am sure he has feelings that have been growing for a while just waiting for you and your now ex to break up. It is not wise to tell another man you're attracted to about your problems with your boyfriend or husband and vice versa because, they can and will use that info to their advantage to gain your trust so they can "get in where they fit in". You have to question the motives of these types of people that prey on your weaknesses, mainly your emotional state at the time. This other guy could be a good guy but, personally I think it is to soon to get involved with "anyone". It makes it look like he's always been in the picture. Don't you agree? Take your time on the phone call to your ex if you can help it because it sounds as if you still love him very much and just want to know why he broke it off for closure so you can justify moving on to the new guy. Just my opinion but, I have experience in this matter. Good luck to you sista!
2007-02-15 00:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by saturn man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sukks to be dumped....and thats just what happened...for some reason woman get all crazy about WHY...like if we had a reason we could prevent it in the future....but I think its just the adrenaline talking....its a recent breakup....and this "cat on a hot tin roof" feeling will pass.... my suggestion is take the very best care of you right now....as a plan to look and be absolutely fantastic if HE decides to call you. Cause frankly, if you make this phone call you will spend the rest of the relationship wondering IF he loves you enough or as much as you and IF he would have ever called and IF he only wants the sex and IF he will do it again.....and IF.... anyhow--the fact that you feel his reasons are lame doesn't change anything. Which I wish I would have learned a lot sooner....most breakups are lame....something changes no one has the guts or the maturity to deal with it and lame stuff comes running at the jaw...doesn't much matter who is doing the ending.... (until you become an expert at it, and then what does that say about you? see its a loser either way).....break ups suck...rent a movie, call some girlfriends, have a good cry, play some sappy old music....get all your memories into a big ol scrap book and tuck him away in the back of the closet ....for at least 30 days.....if he hasn't called or contacted you, you've got your answer. Please consider it....
2007-02-15 00:13:51 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to some of the less then helpful comments. I'm afraid he's probably been thinking about finishing with you in his mind for months - hence the non communication about things & constant blocking you off. Here's the thing - its over. I know your probably looking for answers and can't understand things but if you just step back and look at the situation you know he's probably distant and has grown apart from you - he doesn't want a relationship anymore - and sometimes there no specific reason for that.
You will contact him, I know you will - but he won't be able to communicate with you at the moment just be dismissive. He want's his space. Unfortunatley you just have to wait for him to contact you for any meaningful conversation to happen. Good luck.
2007-02-15 00:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by D.W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him space. maybe he called everything off cos he was under so much pressure from family and work and then u tell him he doesn't call u often. he sees that as another form of pressure.
give him time. don't call him now cos its too soon. leave it for a week at least and when ucall him, just ask how he is, his work and family etc. don't mention anything bout the relationship. just build on a friendship, support hiim. with time, he may bring it up or u can mention it when u know that pressures at work and family are better.
2007-02-15 00:06:29 · answer #4 · answered by rambo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, I would leave him alone. Let HIM figure out that he was wrong and come to you. He didn't have the common courtesy to break up with you to your face - so don't you give him the time of day and don't let him see that you're hurt. TRUST ME. He will contact you and want to talk. Let it be for now and have fun being single until then. You may find that you like it better without him. Good Luck.
2007-02-15 00:04:59 · answer #5 · answered by Robby's Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would let it go.
i wouldn't call him b/c obviously he can't deal with his problems and "stresses" and keep up a relationship. if he's going to be uncommunicative and break up with you when things get messy, then he isn't the kind of guy who would stick by you through the good and the bad.
there is probably someone out there that he would stick by, but unfortunately, you're not her and it sounds like he's "just not that into you".
please don't take this harshly, but there are people that we don't mesh with, that's easy to take.
then there's people that we kind of mesh with, but not all the time and that's hard b/c we THINK they are special to us and we spend time and invest feelings in relationships, but when it comes down to it...they just aren't THAT person.
then, there's that person that everything works with. that person is out there...but it just isn't your ex bf. when you do find him, though...you'll know b/c he's there for you just as much as you are for him...it'll be easy.
take care:)
2007-02-15 00:25:38 · answer #6 · answered by joey322 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my bet is he read down your list of questions and seen you talking about babies and marriage !!!! crapped himself and ran a mile thats what blokes do when they aint ready for what the other half wants ! i'm sorry to hear that he has ended things with you but i think clearly you both wanted completely different thing out of life and think the fact that he chucked you via a phone call would say that clearly he never felt the way you did ! i don't think you should phone him at all i think you sound like you have a lot of love and time to give so go out there and find some one who wants and deserves it :) good luck :)
2007-02-15 00:22:51 · answer #7 · answered by Denise D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT DO IT
It's only been a few days, he may still be angry/hurt/upset and you doing that could make things worse. I know it's difficult to not reach for that phone as you're desperate for answers.
Distract yourself, spend time with your girlfriends, put a film on, sit in your pjs and eat your favourite food...
Give it time, if he doesnt come to you it wasn;t meant to be, but this guy has been under a lot of stress (as your question states) maybe send him a simple "i love you" text.? but please dont call yet.
we all say things we dont mean when we're upset, we all fight, but you can;t talk to him if he's not willing to listen yet.
2007-02-15 00:14:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not contact him, not yet anyway. One of the reasons he broke up with you is that you were too overbearing and made him do things he didn't want to. If you call him to persuade him to get back together it will not go over well. It will be like you are proving his point.
My advice is to give him a week. Then put yourself in social places that he may be. Try to show your good side, so to speak. Then, if he is warming up to you, start a conversation. What needs to be done is to put the ball in his court, so he has every opportunity to make this HIS decision.
I would not date or hook up with anyone else if you want to try to get back together. Of course, if it is really over for him, let him go.
Good Luck!
2007-02-15 00:11:49 · answer #9 · answered by Contessa 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he broke up with you... I would let him contact you first.
That way you know he wants to and is ready to talk.
If you cant wait for that send him a SHORT letter telling him if he wants to talk about things at anytime he may call you...You would like to when he is ready.
2007-02-15 00:14:45 · answer #10 · answered by ASDZA’NI 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋