marraige has gone downhill, still love him, but not 'in love' with him, if that makes sense?

Question

We don't speak much,if at all, but don't argue. Feel it's time to go, but unsure wat to do. Trying to find somewhere to live, but not easy. Any answers?

I guess marriage is not what it's cracked up to be.

Answer 1

Oh my do i understand your problem. That was completely my husband and I after 11 years together. I didn't think i would be able to do it on my own without his income. But i didn't want to move back with my parents and i didn't want to mooch off of friends. So i got a 2nd job part-time and found a OK little apt. It's tough sometimes but you have to be strong you can do it. If you can't stay with family or friends to get on your feet look for some low income housing for single women. Not sure if you had kids but you may qualify for assistance. Marriage is never what it's cracked up to be. GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

This question sounds like you are willing to let your marriage go from inattention. What a truly sad commentary.
The reality of marriage is that there is really no difference between "love" and" in love". Relationships chance in time. It begins with that warm giddy feeling and changes in time to the deep caring that the long time married couples have.
If you buy into the love/in love thing you will be doomed to jumping in and out of relationships because you are always looking for that new feeling. Understand that a marriage can not exist on courtship.
As for your situation today, ask yourself what you have done to improve your lot. Have you attempted to make it better yourself or have you left it up to him to continue the courtship. There is the big question. That would be the sourse of your inattention.
Based upon your scant information alone I would bet you are sitting at home thinking why does he not persue me like he used to? From that you do not feel "in love".
There is a big maturity check required here.
You and your husband both desrve some effort to rekindle your relationship. To think that you might want to seperate before you have tried to improve your own lot indicates a total lack of input on your part. I will suggest that you will be forever sorry that you let this go without some effort. There has been no good reason stated here for you to throw away your marriage. It is quite possible that you will not find another guy who loves you and treats you with respect like your husband. You both may be just a little lazy here. That may not feel good but it is no reason to seperate.
Do the work, go on a date. Start the conversation. Maybe once in a while you can take him to bed without being asked. There issome effort required here.
Did you think marriage was going to be a cakewalk with no input required from you?
To let it go without without effort would be sad indeed.

Upon further review, I see you are an empty nester now . Are you having a hard time going from the Mom back to the wife. Even greater evidence of inattention. You really should rethink your own vision for yourself.

Answer 3

You are right! Marriage is not the fantasy you might have thought it was. It's a partnership. A friendship. Not thunder and lightning, all exciting and emotional...

Life gets in the way. Work, children, everyday stresses. You can loose what you got at the start way too easily if you let it.

You need to put your imagination to work. He's as bored as you are and may have already taken the first step to get away from you into another's arms. Didn't think of that? Get excited again, plan a trip, move to a different place, go on "dates" again, Light His Fire!...buy a new nightie, dress up like a hooker...rent some movies...get that man to notice and enjoy you again if it takes every effort you can think of.

There are all kinds of articles on the internet about saving relationships. Boredom is NOT a reason to say goodbye, it's a common happening in all marriages.

You may never get the thunder and lightning back, but the love will grow stronger and deeper and you will be glad you didn't jump ship.

Answer 4

If you feel it is not good any more there is no reason to stay in it. I have been married to my wife 20 years and am still happy and love her very much. I think the term "in love' is a euphoria found early on in a relationship when it is driven by lust. When the lust wears off people say they aren't "in love" any more. If sex was all you had in your marriage it is already over. If you have other things together then there is hope. You will probably never feel that intense lust for you husband again, so you need to look for a deeper love and build on that.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear this. But there is a reason for this. THIS reason needs to be addressed. NO marriage is perfect by any means. I don't care if you are told that there are perfect marriages out there. These people are either not married or they don't have a clue. ALL marriages have a few problems. BUT these need to be addressed. If you haven't already tried to address it or them, then maybe it is time to move one. As far as finding a place to move to, do you have any family near you? Even in another state, Moving is always an option. Are there kids involved? This could present a problem or two. Do you have any friends near you that might look at letting you move in (even temporary) Maybe you can clean their house or apartment for them, do things to earn your keep. Just a few thoughts, Hope I have help you even if only a little. If you have question drop me a line. Take care and good Luck.

Answer 6

If you tried counseling and nothing changed or it got worse, then you can be a little less miserable by divorcing.
It is painful to never quite connect with the person in the other room. When the hope for reconciliation is dead, so is the marriage.
I can love my former husband but can no longer desire him because I don't have the strength to handle the pain.

Answer 7

Don't go. Stay. You two have let your marriage be on auto pilot too long, and now you're in a rut.
That old cliche about still love him, but not "in" love with him is just a poor excuse to bail out.
Renew your marriage! Start all over again. Date like you just met. Rediscover each other emotionally, and physically too. Find ways to refresh your lives together.
If there is still love there, there is still a marriage, and that's way too precious to give up on.

Answer 8

when problems crop up in a marriage, we can sometimes feel we don't love them anymore. we always think when it ends we will feel relieved, and happy, but not so. when this happens we need to try to start some kind of communication, and find out where his heart is at. it isn't easy to try to get back what is lost, but we should at least try, so when and if it ends we won't have any regrets, we have to try that one last time. and than if they don't respond, or things don't get better than we can leave knowing we tried and did our best. divorce is never easy no matter how we do it, we should try to save it, even if we have to put our ego's away and be truthful about what is really in our hearts.

Answer 9

I understand what you mean exactly. There is a big difference between loving a man and being in love with him. Once the feelings of being in love are gone, they're gone forever. I suggest you casually tell your husband you feel the two of you rushed into the marriage and you want to go separate ways through divorce. Good luck. I'm in the same situation!

Answer 10

I don't know enough about your situation to offer much that is useful. But I do know this, if you feel like you are acting and you'd have to fake interest in your partner and your marriage to continue, then it probably took a lot for you to reach this sobering realization.

I'm not going to judge you harshly for taking steps toward ending this marriage because we all make mistakes. What is important is that we learn from our mistakes, so I hope you take some time to understand and explore how you arrived at this point in your life and then become a better person from the experience.

Good luck to you.