Why can't I relate to others?

Question

I've had some bad experiences in the past, and now find it almost impossible to relate to others. Hence the nickname. How can I get out of this and start feeling/ showing more emotion for those around me? I have feelings, but they are deep inside- what releases them?

Answer 1

I think just the fact that you know what your problem is and that you are trying to do something about it is a good sign and a step in the right direction. Leave yourself open to feel and express yourself more, it wont happen over night but something your just going to have to work at. You may need to go to some counseling it could help you out and resolve passed issues until then it may be difficult to be open to new feelings and experiences.

Answer 2

One useful step in relating to others is to listen to what they have to say - & I mean really listen, not just a cursory 'yeah, yeah, heard it all before'. When you display a genuine interest in others, they will be more interested in you.

As to releasing feelings - here's a zen trick I once learnt.

When you next have a good feeling in your body which isn't buried deeply, mentally examine it. Where is it? What shape is it? What colour is it? Does it make any sound?

Then when you have a deep feeling, locate where it is, the shape, the colour and the sound.

Compare the two. Make subtle changes to the deep feeling, one at a time so it's like the surface feeling. If things get uncomfortable, stop and go back. By careful manipulation you can bring a deep feeling to the surface and let it out. It may feel strange at first, but once released you will begin to feel different and your life will become better

Answer 3

Trust releases emotions in a relationship

I know exactly what you mean, because I went through the same thing a year ago. It had evolved through two years, and ended very badly in depression, which I first thought was some sort of social phobia

But I got out of it on my own, although I don't really know how. I guess I just decided taking much initiative to social activities, to get to know people. And then I kind of picked out those I felt most comfortable with, and I did my best to work on those relationships until it was enough trust between us to be open and vulnerable

It does mean a lot of hard work at first, but the good news is that if you go throught it, and work hard on it, you can get out!
My best advice is to not isolate yourself, it will only hurt you, and make it even harder to be social. If someone invites you - go there and also invite other people to your place (you might feel most secure on your own familiar grounds)

Just don't isolate yourself, and think about that it has to be hard work at first - it will become easier

You might also find support in telling your closest ones about this, so that they can help you, and support you. Fine one or two people you feel you can rely on, and take them with you when you go.

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 4

I think guilt and self-incrimination keep the barriers up. The thoughts that claim I could have, should have or must have done this, that or the other do more harm than we credit them. Isolation (for self-preservation) as a coping mechanism can be very addictive especially if adapted at an early age. Cognitive therapy works well in this instant because it helps clarify cause and effect without necessarily digging up the past until you are comfortable enough to translate feelings into words. I hope this helps. All the best.

Answer 5

For me it was finding someone to trust. I still have a hard time relating to others and rarely find people that I have anything in common with. Knowing that there's at least one person in your life that usually gets you and will be supportive no matter what is going on goes a long way in helping you release bottled up emotions. I wish you well and I wish you a good friend!

Answer 6

Alcohol might be an easy answer but it doesn't help in the long term.
Try and smile its a good way of uplifting your mood. Surrounding yourself with people who have a positive outlook on life and who are a bit more emotional.
Also being able to talk through or even write down what you are feeling helps.
However admitting to not being able to express your feelings is a step forward as it sounds like you wish to take action on this. That in its own right is a very positive thing to do.

Answer 7

Maybe your own bad experiences have caused you to put up barriers and isolate yourself, as a form of self protection.You have to remember that we are all human and none of us perfect, including people whove hurt you in the past.Try learning to forgive and know that we are not all the same.When you do feel emotion, dont push it aside, but feel it and go with it and try to show the same compassion to others that youd like others to show to you.By shutting yourself off you are denying yourself the opportunity to relate to people.

Answer 8

~"Bad experiences in the past" The past plays a part in who we are today. You don't want to forget, but learn to deal with those issues that are eating at you. You don't show emotion because you don't want to get hurt again. Don't use alcohol.
Try counseling, it can do wonders.
Good luck.~

Answer 9

By using the nickname you make me think that you don't think highly enough of yourself, there fore you are coming across as 'stuck-up' instead of uncomfortable or shy.
Just be open with people, but remember that they have feelings too.
Good luck.

Answer 10

tough one, but i guess this is cheaper than a shrink. umm id say just dont think about it too much, get out there and have some fun, life is a short party so enjoy it.