Anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?

Question

My partner and I have lived together for a year-ish. Before we moved in we decided that since we both have full time jobs, we'd both do 50% of the housework.
He doesnt do any housework unless I tell him. I wouldnt tell him to do anything if it didnt affect me but if he doesnt do the washing then I dont have any clean clothes etc.
Everyday he tells me he's going to leave me cus the place is so messy and he cant live in mess. When I've done my housework he picks at things saying they're not quite right and tells me Im lazy even though his washing up is still there 3 days later and the bins are never emptied until I scream at him. He then says he's sorry and he loves me.
Sometimes he has a major clean up, tidying all the places he uses and moving all the stuff to places he doesnt use.
I dred coming home cus when I do, he's sitting on the computer demanding me to clean the bedroom when he's been home for an hour already!
Its my home 2 and I feel dirty and useless!!

Answer 1

no matter how much u both work housework should be shared 50-50! i have a 4 year old son,im 4month pregnant and work 25hrs a week,whereas my partner works fulltime.im in this situation coz he thinks in work less i should do all the housework AND look after my son! if iv gota day of he will come in from work and say wat have u been doing allday? and i say well i was watching OUR son this morning and its quite hard to get jobs dun with him under my feet,then i took him 2 school,came back and went in the bath(which is a luxury,as my partner goes in when he wants but my son crys wen i leave him so i have to go in wen he at school or out)then i tell him i went to pick son up fromk school then came back and made tea! my partner seems to think i sit on my **** 24-7 and doesnt realise that being a mother isa full time job,moreso coz im gonna have a newborn in a few month! men r just ignorant.why dont u tell him to do his own washing and you do yours however still do 50-50 of housework!! sure he will sharp get a move on! good luck!

Answer 2

Been there, done that - got the battle scars to prove it!

Same prob - my first girlfriend and I moved in together and she was a lazy cow (works both ways) I was at work all day - she worked part time - came home everyday and the house was a pig tip! Never lifted a finger to anything!

Once a lazy git - always a lazy git - got round my problem by just doing and tidying my bits and pieces! Left her washing, ironing and everything else - after two whole weeks she realised that she had nothing to wear to my company party - I went on my own and had a great time - went home and told her to move on!

By all accounts (22 yrs later) she is still a lazy cow!

He isn't going to change - will in short term but not for long - been to long at home with mummy looking after him!

What you do about it is up to you! Put up or shut up is the term commonly used! I'd consider geting out coz you have already realised what your future life is going to be like

Answer 3

don't worry yourself... i've been in pretty much the same situation but a lot worse my ex gf refused to leave my condo... almost every day i'd come home to new damage from ciggarette burns in the floor, slopped and uncleaned beverage on the floor from where she was drinking and made a mess, ripped a plastic cover from the light socket out of the wall, in an argument threw something at me as I was walking away from her made a nice pie plate size hole in the drywall, and the worst is when we had an argument I walked away and she decided to kick the bedroom door until it broke. All while she didn't pay a dime to live there or pay anything towards utilities even. We weren't even together but I didn't want to go through the legal system to have her removed and I couldn't date anyone else for a long time because I didn't want to put that stress on a relationship.
If he's a reasonable person sit him down and talk to him about how you feel he's been slacking and how you hate his picking at things when you clean.

Answer 4

Been in a similar situation myself, except in my case i was the full time mum at home all day and my ex thought that cause he was working all day he didn't have to do anything at all in the house or with our child i did everything. He sounds like he expects you do it because your female and its our job. Have you told him how you feel about the arrangement? As for him having a go cause the house is a mess, tell him that you work too and if he's complaining then get of his bum and do something. Or you could write up a rota of your jobs and his, do your own jobs then if he complains then it's his own jobs he's complainin about. All else fails do your own washing and ironing and leave him with the dirty clothes and cook your own meals and let him starve unless he makes his own!!

Answer 5

Sit down and decide that it's best you both live separately. It's obvious that you both see housework in a different light and it's aggravating the both of you. Living in separate places is the only way you'll stay together as a couple.

Answer 6

Hi
Me and my parten we agreed on the same as u, its been 2 weeks since we stay together but i tell u that i do most of the house work and i am also working, I actual never stress on it thou i know what our agreement was cause my friends told me that once i move in he's going to change, they always do, man who stick to their words are often scarce to find so we only have two choices, to accept the situation, do almost everything your self or leave.

Answer 7

living together is hard work

i live my girlfriend too, i go to work but shes at home, so she tydys up house and i go off to work, however if i didnt work then i would have to help,

but as a man, if your not told then you probably wont bother, so i think hes like me cant be bothered after a full work day

if the place is messy then what is the mess and whos is it? im not at home all day so most isnt mine anyway

i would do a rota on pots and house work if he wont help that way he knows that he will have to do

think you also have to do things together, its not as much hard work then?, like making the bed, one washing pots one drying etc etc

if he wants to go wud let him, some poeple dont know when they have got it cushy,

i go to work on Thursday mornin and put the wheelly bin out LOL

We have a tydy house i normally tydy up after myself, but she always tydys again anyway LOL

think you have to make somethings enjoyable, turn the music up and enjoy tydyin

Answer 8

Lay down the law with him! tell him you arent putting up with anymore excuses off him. If push comes to shove then make a rota in your home, refuse to have nookie with him or just simply unplug his pc! My fella doesnt get his washing, ironing, cooking or cleaning done unless he helps me. He once decided to play on his pc one weekend and had no clothes to go in work on Monday morning as I refused to do them, it was his own fault for not helping me over the weekend. He tried washing his work gear, his shirts came out pink and he burnt his trousers with the iron! He appreciates me more now needless to say and does help out more!

Answer 9

Remind him of what you agreed i.e. that the chores would be split 50/50 and draw up a rota. If he doesn't oblige then turn the tables on him and say you will leave unless he pulls his weight.

Answer 10

living together isnt easy it sounds as though when you said you would do 50 50 what he actually heard was that u would do 100% dont let him get away with it start just cleaning your stuff if you keep doing it he will expect it