Is living with your husband almost only for your Kids Good in the long run or bad?

Question

Well with a 7 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl it is hard to cope with the responsibilities alone. My fear is to not be able to find a real relationship after divorving because of the amount of interaction my husband has with my kids. They are his life and he is thier life. I am afraid of the dangers of sexual predators against single mothers children. I not talkin sleezy one night stands turning into a home approved boyfrienf I talkin a nice relationship of time turning into horror. I love my children so much I feel no one would share that with me. Atleast we laugh about the beautiful things our children do and i am afraid to lose that. My hub is older than me, very bitter and is possesive, critic, and has lost his income level or our income expenses have gone up and eveery effort I try to do to help us is critizied by him. anyway you get the picture. has anyone had bad divorce experience and wish they rather be back with the old grunt?

Thank you for your answers they are interesting, I guess you are right I should not worry about who will be next in my life because it is not important. I guess I feel unsecure to see my self alone. any how for whom answered that I knew what I was getting my self into. I did not I was 17 when I met him and married him beacuse I was pregnant from him and thought i had to m arry him. He is 10 years older than me and I am finally discovering who I am and what I want. I want the best for my children and myself that is all. The best i can actually give them. I came from a very disfunctional family. I knew not better.

Answer 1

It is well known that children are better off being brought up in a happy family regardless of whether or not it is by a single parent or a couple.

Perhaps you could put your energy into counselling rather than thinking about who you would meet next. If after counselling you are still unhappy, then make a decision. Sometimes we need to get to know who we are first and what it is in a relationship that would make us happy before we can think about getting into a new relationship again.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Actually MP, to tell you the truth i don't believe in DIVORCE, that should be the last resort. However if you've tried everything possible to make your marriage work, like: speak to your husband, tell him how you feel, see a marriage counsellor and if all fails then maybe consider it. It's not healthy for the children to stay with someone you are not happy with because they can pick up on it & your first thought should be their happiness( which i know you have that in mind)He will always be their father and with the arrangements you have he can be apart of their lives. I can understand your fears but there are many single moms out there that do a pretty good job without even taking another man after divorce. (i'm speaking from experience, my brothers and i were brought up by a single mom and my father has always been apart of our lives). i hope this helps, all the best with whatever you decide.

Answer 3

Look at your relationship and then ask is this really over?

Chances are your just having an episode that runs counter to your marriage and if it's brought to life you might try and save marriage!

Save your family and yourself a lot of headache and stay celibate for a year and then find out what you want it just my be your husband and family.

The children deserve a mother and father and you made the choice of bring them into this world it your respectability to give them a happy family and not a happy step family!!!
Good luck

Answer 4

You're a wonderful mother. You're sacrificing your own happiness for others even that of your husband who is obviously uncaring and insensitive towards you. I personally believe that you will only suffer more in the long run. Dont think yhat by staying, you're doing your kids any favor. Coz kids can sense problems at home even if they dont show it. They may even grow to resent you later if you dont step up and take care of this before things get any worse. I'm not an advocate of divorce but for your own sake (and even your kids' future well-being), you should move on.
You deserve better, sweetie.
All the best!

Answer 5

Well you know, if you are unhappy - how can your children be happy? If you are not truely in love with your husband and he drives you crazy then maybe you should go. The choice has to be yours...
I know it is scarey going out on your own after being in a relationship for so long. Just learn to be happy with yourself first before you worry about any other man. It would do you the world of good to have time to yourself for a while - and just get yourself sorted out.
Best of luck to you, just do what you think best.

Answer 6

You can't stay with your husband just for your children. You will have a break down one day it may be soon or it may be ten years from now but you will break down, no one can stay unhappy that long. It's a wonderful thing that you love children and your trying to protect them its very wonderful. You can always have your husband in your children's life you don't have to hate your husband when you leave him you don't have to go through an ugly divorce! You have to be a strong independent women a strong single mother you have to tough this out for your children and do what your heart tells you to do, you can do this! You can make this happen if your truly feel you don't love your husband then you need to talk to him you need to leave him and you need to make everything as easy as possible for your children it's going to be a long hard road but it's possible, where there is a will there is always a way and you deserve to be happy in life.

Answer 7

Your problem is not unusual. Many marriages are sustained primarily by the children. The problem is, children can sense the tension in their parents' relationship. So, sounds like it's time for marriage counseling/therapy. Very important. Emotional problems in a marriage are just like medical problems, there are specialists who deal with these things. So go to a marriage therapist. If he won't go with you, then you go by yourself. Therapy will help you get along with yourself and, if he will join you, will help both of you get along with each other. The marriage can be saved if you want to...and if he wants to. In fact, you might put it to him that way.Tell him that you feel the marriage is falling apart and you wonder if he a) feels the same way and b0 wants to do something to keep it together. Good luck.

Answer 8

What will make you happy? - that's is your answer. Only you know what is best. Don't think of the past. Don't think of the future. Think now and think "I and my children deserves parents who is true with themselves, together or split up because it was the situation that is best. If he can unlearn his bad habits and love you again, that cause you to suffer, then stay. If he is a SOB, jet outta there.
Do you want your children to live with the lie?

Answer 9

You're the one that chose him, so you're equally at fault for not seeing this coming. I'm sure your husband was the same way before you got married. You probably had plenty of time to figure out that this was going to happen. Now you also chose to get married to him and you also chose to have kids with him. You made these choices. Now take responsibility for the stupid choices you have made in the past. It's not fair to the children. It's not fair that they suffer because you made bad choices in the past, and it's not fair if you get divorced and leave your children without a father. Maybe in your next life, you be sure to make better choices.

Answer 10

Mum, you do not seem to be in a crisis of any sort apart from having an over criticizing husband.
It seems that many times you forget to have any problems and enjoy the moment.
So in my opinion stay put and try to make your relationship between you and your husband better, because I am not saying you give up your personal happiness, Good luck.