Valentines Day -- are women selfish?

Question

I was listening to the radio a few days ago, and they were talking about how men usually don't like Valentine's Day, because men usually have to go the extra mile for the woman and the woman does almost nothing for men in return. Then I watched Leno tonight and he mentioned the same thing, stating that back in the day Valentines was about men and women exchanging gifts equally, but now it's more about what women get and what they want. She asked Beyonce, and of course the misandrist Beyonce (Bugaboo, Bills, Independent Woman, Irreplaceable) would say "women deserve it" and had no objection to the fact that men get little to nothing in return.

So is this a result of the feminist/man-hating movement designed to ostracize and emasculate men? Do women want everything? Are women these days too "proud" to do anything romantic for the man? Are women selfish?

wendy:

actually, my woman and i shared a wonderful valentine's together. i will not be with a woman if she feels everything is a one way street designed for her benefit.

baba yaga:

well, i wouldn't want to move to korea -- i already stated it should be equal exchanges. anyways, look at baba yaga's history of posts -- she is always attacking the questioneer, especially if that person is a male. she's a bitter man-hating misandrist.

baba yaga the man hater:

you're wrong again. i would like to live here in the u.s., not korea. secondly, how come you couldn't even answer the question? instead, you attack the questioneer personally, and you post a irrelevant example of something happening in korea -- clearly sidestepping the question. did the truth and facts brought out in the question hit too close to home, you bitter, selfish, man-hater?

wendy:

the reason why i'm "complaining," is because i am conerned with the masses. my woman represents the minority of women, and not the mainstream -- she doesn't represent the women that want to be pampered and spoiled, and she isn't selfish.
is it wrong that just because my woman believes in an equal valentines, that i should sit idly and not say anything about society saying that valentines should only be for the woman? are men not to be loved and cherished, and taken care of by their woman? just because it doesn't effect me directly doesn't mean i shouldn't speak up about the issue.

wendy g:
actually, you initially asked me why i was "complaining" (if i'm not with a selfish woman). i answered. but to answer your latest question, for proof and statistics, all one needs to do is turn on the television, log on to the internet, flip through a magazine, and simply access any form of mass media to see that generally valentine's day has been targeted mainly for men -- usually only men doing something for the woman, and very little to nothing done in return. open your eyes and climb from under that rock.

baba yaga the misandrist:

at first i asked you why you never answered the question -- then it dawned on me -- you stated you are 46, and you don't have a man! LOL! how was that lonely v-day of yours? LOL!

anyhoo, yes i do volunteer work at a children's hospital, but that is irrelevant to the issue. you constantly say men here "whine" but in fact we are making valid arguments about double-standards that women overlook (when in their favor). by your logic, we can presume that all of your man-hating rants on this site are acts of "whining" and "moaning" (which they are). when a man brings up valid complaints about misandry, man-hating, and anti-male double-standards, you call it "whining." when you and the other man-haters do the same thing, along with male-bashing, you pretend that it's merely standing up for ones rights and seeking equality.

you are a hypocrite and a fool.

baba yaga the lonely man-hater:

Looks like a struck a nerve! Revealing that you are a 46-year-old, bitter hag without a man, because most men don't want a vile, angry, man-hating dramaqueen has really hit too close to home with you.

Baba Yaga has been reduced to rambling on in ALL CAPS and childish name-calling. LOL! Baba Yaga is defeated!

Also, correction, this is not "Yahoo Women's Forum." This is Yahoo Answers, which is divided into numerous categories. I happen to post this in the Women's Studies subcategory of Social Science.

As far as you allegations of being "uneducated" -- I'm a young man that attends UCLA, one of the finest universities in the US -- and will be graduating next year. Thanks for your concern.

How did that lonely V-Day of yours go, that you spent on the internet bashing men? LOL! It's pretty obvious you're jealous of me because I'm with a woman and enjoyed Valentines with her, while you're 46, menopausal, and without a man in sight. Sucks to be you

Here are just SOME of the sources that support my claim that Valentine's Day these days is geared more towards the wishes and appetites of women:

"This year, like every year, men will spend more money on Valentine's Day gifts than women."
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/14/BUGU9O44C61.DTL

"Men are told they must get something of the candy/flower variety, and women, while they may get something for their significant other, ARE TOLD TO EXPECT PRESENTS."
http://www.athensnews.com/issue/article.php3?story_id=27340

honorable mention:

http://www.nbc10.com/news/11004288/detail.html?subid=10101521

(written by a woman)

Baba Yaga:
Congratulations on being able to post questions I've asked in the past. Yes, those questions are obviously in jest, and are more-or-less an experiment to see what reactions are incited as a result of these shock-value questions. I post many questions like that, and it's funny that you didn't list the shock-value questions that didn't pertain to women at all. Secondly what I observe in the gym as disgusting behavior from women is my own right. I also go to the YMCA, which used to be a men's only gym, until the man-hating movement demanded that women to be let in -- while simultaneously creating women-only gyms. I have every right to be bemused by public obscenities at my gym.

Then there are questions like this one, that are actually serious topics. You continue to side-step the issue because you have no facts or counter-claim, and because you also lack experience in this topic as that you are lonely without a man. I honestly can't blame a man for not wanting you.

Baba Yaga (continued):

Secondly, you keep harping on the television issue. Although one can argue that the television is filled with mindless dribble (which it is), you'd have to be a fool to claim one can not be educated from watching it.

Also, it's amazing that you'd associate working out at the gym with being something a "non-intellectual" would do. By that notion, I'm willing to bet that you're overweight, and that doesn't surprise me at all. Having a steady work-out regimen is a and really REQUIRED for a healthy mind, body, and soul. A true intelligent person realizes that physical activity enriches the quality and state of their psychological and physical well-being. A fat, man-hating fool thinks only books, wikipedia entries, and internet postings are the only things necessarry for one's personal enhancement.

Baba Yaga, the cellulite-ridden, menopausal, bitter man-hating hag is defeated! LOL!!

tanks:
i agree with much of what you said. and yes, baba yaga is a moron for saying "working out" is for dumb people.
many of those questions (unlike this one) are in jest -- for example, the question regarding blacks being loud in the movie theater -- i not only have black friends that i talk about this to, but i'm also mixed with black myself.

iridal:

i agree with much of what you said.

in closing, i am a "feminist" when you define feminism in its purest form. i am against discrimination against women and i think there should be equal rights for both men and women. what i AM against are man-haters who have hijacked the original meaning of "feminism," and have used it as a cover to bash men, emasculate men, employ double-standards against men, try to ruin men financially and psychologically, downplay the importance of fatherhood almost to the point of insignificance, and try to be "superior" to men. that is not feminism. that is misandry and femi-naziism. misandrists that have hijacked feminism are similar to terrorists whom have hijacked Islam.

Answer 1

Personally, I think thats CRAP. Times have CHANGED. Its time women start understanding that if women want to be treated as equals, they need to not be so stuck on the fact that "men are supposed to pamper the women", which I think is bullshit. Yah, its nice when a guy does something nice for a girl, which he should, if he cares about her, but its the same for the woman. If she cares, she should also do nice things for her man. I personally do a lot for my boyfriend, because I love him and because he deserves it. I bring him food at work, take him places and even pay sometimes. For Valentines day, we made it a mutual thing. We kept the gift amount [in dollars] to less that $10 and we made dinner TOGETHER and set up a romantic candle lit dinner table. Then we rented a sappy movie and watched it together. He paid for the food, I paid for the movie and the candles for the table. He did most of the cooking, and I set up the ultra romantic dinner table. It was a team effort, and in my opinion, it was the greatest Valentines day I have EVER had, with or without him. The thing is that guys aren't really all that good at truly expressing their feelings, or most aren't anyways. Its not that they don't care, they just aren't good at it, and I think its unfair when women put so much pressure on their man to have the "perfect" Valentines day. I don't think it has to do with women being to "proud", I think it has more to do with the fact that since the dawn of the ages, men have been the "stronger specimen", making more money, being the great protector, yadda yadda yadda... So women expect that to carry on. I think its more to do with being old fashioned than anything. But like I said, times are changing, women should buck up and be romantic for their man!

Answer 2

I'm not really agreeing with your strong statement about Valentine's Day being like a conspiracy-theory by the feminists, but would have to say for the record that I think the holiday has become way over-commercialized and especially geared towards the man buying gifts for the woman (see all the jewelry, flowers, etc. ads that pop up right around the holiday). Which is why I do agree with your original point that it seems like the man is having to do most, if not all of, the work, while if the woman does nothing she is pretty much off the hook. Even though it started out as a pagan tradition and its orginal purpose(s) has changed, I think by today's standards it should still be considered a holiday for both the man and the woman to be celebrated and appreciated.

And in answer to your question, there are still some women who do get or do something for their man/significant other. My husband and I try to treat Valentine's Day as a day when we can show our appreciation for each other and the fact that we have somebody in our lives that loves us unconditionally, supports us and is a good husband, wife, parent, lover and friend. And usually the best gifts we have given/received were hand-made and thoughtful, not expensive. My favorite gift so far has been two CDs my hubby stayed up all night to make, that were filled with love songs that described how he felt about me and us. I guess that's why even though it has become very commercialized, I still regard it as a holiday worth celebrating, because in this day and age we tend to underappreciate those people in our lives who do the most for us, so it's one extra day we can say "Thank You". Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I don't think women are inherently selfish. Human beings are, no gender discrimination needed.

I think that the commercial machine has marketed V-day as a day for men to get things for women. If a woman is going to get something for a guy, she probably already has exactly what she wants to get him (whether he'll like it or not isn't an issue LOL) picked out well in advance. Guys on the other hand stereotypically wait to the last minute, and these ads on TV prey on them sweating for the "perfect" gift. Which they are all too ready to provide.

You see it at Christmas too. The ads for "gifts for her" are glitzy jeweled things designed to make men feel guilty if they don't measure up to what the commercial says women are expecting. On the flip side, the "gifts for him" ads are filled with sales and price cuts that will appeal to women who can't pass up a deal. It's all about the dollar.

My boyfriend and I tend to do things together for Valentine's Day. We cook dinner together because we enjoy cooking, I like to get him chocolates 'cause he loves sweets and he gets me flowers. I feel that is equal. Our time together, and each other's undivided attention, is a gift!

So interesting point, but I think a lot of it is media hype, and I have a big problem with the way the market takes advantage of nervous young men.

On another note, I can't support the other questions you've asked, even if they're just to "get a reaction". That doesn't make them right or moral. I support your push for equality, but please start by not posting any more disrespectful questions. You can't really stand beind opinons about wanting women to own up and be equal on things like Valentine's Day when you spend your time reinforcing anti-women themes with your other questions.

Answer 4

You're going to spend a lot of time arguing with other answeres. This is Y! Answers, you don't have to argue continuously with other members.

To answer your question:
Yes, nowadays the MAJORITY (not all) of women expect their men to give them something but they do not give anything in return.



I'd also like to say two things:

1) Nice one on completly destroying Baba Yaga (If you work out you're stupid? What the f***?) and Wendy in an argument. Also I think it was pointless since they have a head but nothing in it.

2) I have to somewhat agree with some of Baba Yaga's points. Some of the questions you asked were kinda descriminatory.

Answer 5

I don't know about other women, but I took my SO to Red Lobster yesterday--we decided to celebrate V-Day a day early so we'd beat the crowds--& the bill, with tip, total $60. I also got him a couple gift certificates that totalled $55. I also got him a nice card. I made him sugar cookies today for V-Day--homemade, not the store-bought crud. Maybe I'm an anomoly, but I'm an equal opportunity woman. Now my SO paid a lot more for the stuff he got me, but he makes a whole heck of a lot more than me.

Answer 6

Good question. Many women these days are not "feminist", although are still paying for those very sad days of the 70's with burning the bra and putting down men. Women are generally very easy to please and don't ask for much, although do enjoy feeling special from time to time - perhaps Valentines Day is just an excuse for many !! I certainly enjoy time with my partner and buy him a small gift on 14th Feb - the truth and the proof, though, is in the ongoing relationship. There will always be takers and givers in life and it depends who you hook up with and what you expect out of your relationship.

Having said this, I agree that men deserve to special too !!

Answer 7

I think its a stupid holiday, which should have no bearing on a normal relationship. Why do you need a national holiday to express love for your partner? I think a woman who expects jewelry on valentines day, is way to self absorbed, and should probably get dumped, especially since we know she wont be getting him anything equivelent to that. Thats why there are tons of jewelry commercials on TV aimed at womens stuff, rather than mens. Even the industry knows that men dont get crap. In answer to your question YES, I believe the woman is selfish if she expects more than she is willing to give.

Answer 8

Not all women, just the ones that believe the bullsh*t ads about the products being sold for Valentine's Day, and how it's always made out to be about women only in those ads. Personally, I don't care either way about V-Day, I just think it is another overblown, over-comercialised holiday. Why do people need a day to be reminided that their loved ones are meaningful?

Answer 9

I wouldn't really say that, I don't expect anything on Valentines Day. The only thing I ever expect is to spend time with people and not money on them. I'm sick and tired of holidays where people are wanting to spend too much money for crap that is going to be either thrown away or given away later. The holiday is generally when I get dumped and ignored as well. I don't want any presents, I just want to be loved.

Answer 10

now that's and understatement. It's to the point it's out of control. Not that I don't like to do things for women, it's just more expected, and when it's not done; well you did something wrong.

Men are definetly getting the short end of the stick, but it's just payback for the last 50,000 years of male dominance. All in the last 30 years..... ouch.