How do you know when it's over? My wife had an affair a few months ago and we have been trying to work it out. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's really bad. I know I still love her but I think she just wants to run away and start a new life.
We have been married for 14 years, how much time do I spend trying to work it out?
2007-02-14 19:10:04 · 14 answers · asked by S J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to demand the truth. If she doesn't want to work this out and you do, she might just go with it because you provide security. It's not about time you've spent together. You shouldn't force yorselves to stay with each other even if you've had kids together.
It's not about time, its about honesty. You have to have a truthful conversation with her and aske her if she wants to leave and if she thinks she'll be happier not being with you. If you force it, it may only make your life more miserable. Good luck buddy.
2007-02-14 19:16:17 · answer #1 · answered by mmatthews000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her how committed she is to making it work, her answer will let you know how much time and energy to put in it. Ask her if she still loves you because w/out her love all of the work in the world won't make it work. 14 yrs. is a long time and I know it's hard to walk away, but if you have to it will hurt far less than staying in a one sided marriage. Life goes on, you can be happy again. If she wants to continue the marriage and she's fully committed than I say stay as long as it takes for the two of you to get it together. I hope it works out for you, either way.
2007-02-14 19:18:31 · answer #2 · answered by Jay K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to work it out then you spend as much time as it takes until it improves, or your wife decides she is actually going to leave.
You can't put a time frame on these things, you have already dedicated at least 14 years to this relationship, don't give up on it yet.
2007-02-14 19:15:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
14 years is a lot to let go down the drain i think you should keep trying ask her what made her have the affair that might give you a point to start with
2007-02-15 00:58:14 · answer #4 · answered by mountainchowpurple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To fix a problem like this, it take determination from BOTH parties to solve this conflict and through time all the wounds will be healed...I come from the thinking that once you are married no matter what happenes you do everything in your power to make it work...so my answer to you is keep working at it untill death do you part.
2007-02-14 19:23:24 · answer #5 · answered by Jane_Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
S J,
Did you see a marriage counselor? If not, I think it would be a good time to think about seeing one. If you want to save your marriage, I would ask your wife what she thinks.
I have always told my husband that I don't believe in divorce; however, if the spouse cheats, then I COMPLETELY believe in divorce. That is the whole reason to get married - to be with ONE partner for the rest of your life. I firmly believe that "Once a cheater, always a cheater" If they can't stay faithful to me, then they don't deserve me!
2007-02-14 19:16:44 · answer #6 · answered by coconutnoodle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk with her nicely, try to work things out... ask her why she did that? and maybe you could ask yourself what's wrong with you that can make her having an affair. If after both of you talk together and STILL there's no way to work things out... then just let go... 14 years doesn't guarantee that everythings will run smoothly... Me, myself always trust that 'anything is possible and always try not to regret anything what already happen.' and i did good...
“Continue even when it’s hard to go on, release when it’s hard to let go, endure even when it’s hard to bear, this is how we build our character.”
Gud luck...
^_^ SunshiNe
2007-02-14 19:21:41 · answer #7 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about your wife, but when a relationship is over for me, i start acting very annoyed by the man and don't really like to be with him much.
2007-02-14 19:13:54 · answer #8 · answered by Miranda C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just ask her straight out if she wants to leave & go from there
go have an affair of ur own to even things up and see how she likes it. alls fair in love & war
2007-02-14 19:17:49 · answer #9 · answered by hsvxclr8r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pre-emptive strike. Dumper her a*ss and take her to court. Sue her for ruining your life.
If your wife had an affair, it's over. She doesn't deserve you and she doesn't respect you any more.
You need to get out and start dating again.
2007-02-14 19:24:36 · answer #10 · answered by Sax M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋