Do you have an advice if I am married but I fall in love with someone?

Question

My boys and husband know about it, but they dont let me go, so I have to wait for my boys to grow up. If I get divorce now, I am afraid, they dont continue their studies. I love my boyfriend so much and he can understand my position and he is so patient to wait for me, while we are still seeing each other so often and they do not know about it. Thank you for your advice.

Answer 1

I'm sorry I can't agree with others in here. I do know how you feel and where this is all leading. I was there, but in the same position as your boyfriend. I met a great man, he has 2 wonderful boys I adored and would not hurt them for anything in the world. Dad and I fell in love, we made plans for a future together, we went on trips together as a family. The boys mother had her life, she had a guy she was seeing and the boys parents lived apart, why they weren't divorced was a money issue. The boyfriend of the wife's died in an accident, it hit the boys really hard and of course the wife was devastated. Her mental state was in jeopardy and the boys didn't know what to do so they called their Dad and asked him to come back home, pleaded would be a better way of stating it. We talked, him and I. I had just come out of a 20 year marriage and a very nasty divorce of my own and though I loved him dearly I could not imagine getting married again so soon, but I could also not see myself in a relationship with a married man that physically lived with his wife, I didn't want to be any mans mistress any more than anyones wife, at that time. I told him he had obligations he had to take care of and if a life together was meant to be then it would come when the time was right, this was not the time. When we said goodbye, it was the last time. He tried to keep in touch with me for a couple years he wrote to my email, even called my cell phone a couple times but I have stuck to my guns about not being any man's mistress and refused to reply or talk to him. The boys have emailed me their school pictures the first couple years, which I kept but never replied to them either. Because of my job I am on the road a lot and that has helped by not being available to any of them. Through mutual friends I have heard they are all together and do family things, as they should. Of course nobody knows what goes on behind close doors, but I do wish them the best in their second chance at marriage. The boys should be in High School now and I pray they understand the deep love their Dad has for them and respects the family life they have now.

P.S. I have been engaged to a wonderful man the past 4 years and have no regrets over the love that was never meant to be

Answer 2

Lets say you and your husand follow through and get a divorce. It seems like your already on that path since you've been talking to a divorce lawyer. I'm not here to judge and I dont think its right for anyone else to either. I do have a question though.. Why are you automatically contemplating on moving there to be with him. He couldn't come here to the U.S? How long have you been talking to this guy for? Maybe the lack of attention you were getting from your husband is making it seem like this guy is such a great guy and the one you were supposed to be with, when in reality he isnt, and your just that unhappy with your current situation that any sort of attention/ affection you get, you perceive it to be love. I would definitley get a seperation, clear your head a bit. Figure out what it is you want to do. Saving money is always a good idea, but dont do it soley for the purpose to go move to UK. This is irrational. Give it some more time. You obviously cant fight the way you feel. If you really love this guy and this guy really loves you, then he wont presure you into anything and he'll wait. Ask him to come visit you. Or you visit him.. but not now, wait until you settle things with your husband first and clear your head. For, going to UK is not a decision that should be made in a hurry.. its going to take planing/ saving( if you dont already have money set aside) and well some time.. get to know this guy a little more first.. You never know, there are some crazies out there that will tell you anything you want to hear. Be smart about it. Good luck

Answer 3

Mothers will make all the sacrifices for their kids so I can understand where you're coming from. But if you are unhappy with your marriage, then you have to start getting out instead of stalling and allowing all sorts of emotional blackmail. It doesn't make you less of a mom if you pursue your own happiness. Besides, if you are in a better disposition then you can perform better in your responsibilities as a mother. Muster your courage and all "mothers know best" techniques to explain to your boys the whole situation. The younger kids are, the more resilient they are to the changes in their lives. Staying might do them harm because you are installing false hopes around the house. Your relationship with your husband is not working and everybody has to face the music, even if the kids think it's offbeat. So, go and be happy.

Answer 4

.ummm damn the only thing i can tell you is that in Gods eyes you are no longer married anyway . I am not shore of your situation and why your husband would even wont you 10 to 1 you are from the Philippines and there are 3 woman to every man and your all running around with your pants down. Your husband has a couple girl friends so he really doesn't care what you do but he wont's you to take care of the kids .I suggest just go what do you have to loose

Answer 5

this is really bad. you should stay with your husband if you love him at all. if you are religious like me then you will understand that marriage is very sacred and you can't just throw it away. in the bible it says if you hand sins cut it off, if you eyes sin pluck them out. you should detatch yourself from this other guy and try to fall back in love with your husband. because you obviously had these feelings for your husband in the begginging. so who is to say a couple of years with this other man you won't feel the same way. i just think you should hold on with all you've got and remember things that used to make you happy, see a therapist, move to a different city and start over, revive your love for your husband and forget about this other clown. not only is it wrong!!!! but i really don't think you will be happy when it's all said and done. marriage isn't easy you have to really work at it sometimes you can't just give up because of a crush on someone else, you have to not go on your feelings alone but really your mind. because like you know obviously feelings fade away and what is real is a friendship and family you have. just please hold on with all you've got. don't ruin another happy home. that makes me sad. good luck with whatever you decide i hope you find happiness.

Answer 6

I would say you are not really in love, he just gives you what you are not getting at home. I call it "is there life out there" the guy is liking the free ride thing going on ...he does not have to commit because you will not leave and he knows that. He is just saying all the right things. Pray that God will take your feeling for him away.
Be happy in your marriage, get help if you need to. Work at your happiness it don't come easy. You are taking the easy way out.
Put your feeling down on paper for each man and see what comes out. You are worried about something...get it on paper and then read it.

Answer 7

Why would you even put yourself in this position? You have children, and once you have children, they come first. Why would you ruin your family and the people who love you for something that you're not even sure about? I mean, you are on a website for God's sake asking strangers what to do with your life! You know the right answer, now stand up and face the truth with courage.

Answer 8

Well first off if your married you shouldn't have a b/f and your husband sounds like a very understanding man if he knows about it and he hasn't divorced you By all means you should be very thankful to him and you need to forget this b/f and concentrate on whats in front of you

Answer 9

Your a slut and you are going to let your children think its ok for this to happen...and we wonder why their are so many messed up kids in this world...way to go you homewrecker.....I cant beleive you are dumb enough to post this question. I cant wait till you leave your husband and then your boyfriend leaves you...i hope your husband laughs in your face...it will happen its just a matter of time...and for your boyfriend...what makes you think he wont cheat on you....i guess a ho doesnt care about that huh

Answer 10

I suggest you make up your mind what you want. Do you want your marriage to continue or do you want your boyfriend. Do NOT use your children as an excuse to stay married. That is a LIE. Either YOU want to end your marriage or you don't.