Wife admitted it was a mistake and is truly sorry for hurting their family. It was a one time thing only not an affair. Should he keep her because its cheaper, or loose everything and the kids plus 1/2 his paycheck for the next 12-14 yrs? He found a great new girl but wont be able to take her out often. He would rather be with the new girl. He loves the kids to death and doesn't want to loose the house for their sake, but can't afford to buy her out. If he stays for the kids, can he forgive? He's afraid to leap after the new love because he knows that means losing everything, and he wont be able to get it back if new love doesn't work out. What would you do?
2007-02-14 15:38:12 · 14 answers · asked by Hey-man 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow what a mess hey. My heart goes out to you, I don't know if there is a simple answer. I think your anger and bitterness will always prevail, betrayal is very hard to deal with. I think if you stay in the current situation with your wife because you are afraid of what you will loose financially you will actually be paying a much bigger price. It's obvious you don't want to be with your wife anymore and your heart now resides with another, but you will become more and more angry, frustrated and your heart and mental well being will be the one to suffer and pay the price. I think that you should do what feels good for you. Get yourself a very good lawyer and spend good money getting advice before you do anything, I think you have the advantage because she was the adulterer. Best of luck, take care of yourself.
2007-02-14 15:48:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow 10 years is a long time together don't you think? People make mistakes. Possesions are only possesions. So forget about those things. If you even make enough money for her to get alimony then you can get those things back eventually.
This is a situation in which it will take a lot of time to mend the feelings he is going through. If the wife is not willing to give him the space to deal with this with himself, then she is not worth staying with because she doen't love him anyways. If she does, and this does not mean he has a free "get some pussy" pass and actually deals with the situation then there is a good chance things can be fixed.
If he already feels that divorce is the only answer then don't go into the divorce with the attitude of she will get the kids. I got a divorce in TN, bible belt, and got custody of my 3 little girls. So it can and does happen. Just put the effort and show that they are worth every dime you have (thats what it took too). Your first mistake is worried about how much it is going to cost. This is a life changing event here and it will be expensive. YOU CANNOT PUT A PRICETAG ON BEING HAPPY! Forget about the money. Forget about the other girl! Either forgive the wife and move on in time the right way. Or spend every dime you have to get the kids and a divorce. You have to put them first in this situation. They are the most importnat thing in the world and their attitude and perspective on life will be based on your actions.
2007-02-14 16:08:50 · answer #2 · answered by sdo3lg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kids need a dad and right now I would say he is on the reboound and cheating, himself. No room to talk.
He did / she did is for little kids.
money is a sorry excuse to stay with anyone. Yes he can lose his shirt and more. Lets see 1 night compaired to the relationship he has obviously started and compaired to finances.?
He found a great new girl while he is still at home with the same family he is accusing his wife of destroying.
2 wrongs do not make a right.
No one forgets this kind of thing. It dosen't happen and only the spouse cheated on can know if they can ever forgive.
They need to talk to each other and a counseler not imediate friends who automatically take sides.
My ex cheated on me more than once.
and relationships do not flatline for no reason, all without warning.
Then there is my grandmothers old fave.
There is his side, her side and the right side.
Besides I think you are the husband and not the friend.
You are too bitter to be just a pal.
2007-02-14 15:58:35 · answer #3 · answered by andreamarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go with your heart. Do you still love your wife? or love your new girl? If you really still confused with losing money and kids because of divorce and afraid of new love doesn't work out? Afraid end of the day, facing everything alone, poor and 'no one' takes care. If I am you, I would also be as confused and sleepless nights thinking about all these. The only solution I may suggest is together with ur wife, go for a marriage counsel. Seek professional help. Work out a plan. If marriage can be saved, forgive her(with professional help). If can't, (with professional help), work out the divorce agreement and even a place for your kids to stay comfortable. I am sure there are lots of helplines around for you to seek professional advices(in low cost). Your kids will understand, you are a great father. As for your new found love, if she loves you, she will wait for you until you are ready. Try prompting her out, maybe you can get some insights for the love to you is truthful or fake. With new found love or not, think you should try to resolve family matters first. It is better for you, better for kids, better for the future, better for everyone to move on with their lives after all these hurts.
2007-02-14 16:16:51 · answer #4 · answered by ouch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
. Go joint custody on the kids let her pay rent for his half of the house. But if she is sorry then stay with her and let him bring his girlfriend over without the kids there of course or get a motel room and let his wife watch as he is performing intercourse with the other woman . This will make her think twice about cheating and even up the odds. This will give her the opportunity to see what she put him through. I see allot of people say forgive but can you really forgive will it not be in his thoughts every time he looks at her .And if you do forgive that's giving that cheater a ticket to do it again
2007-02-14 16:16:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is cheating, then i think u will have rights to the children and also allowances for ur children is a must bt no alimony to ur wife cos she cheated. Final words depending on who has the best lawyer. Am divorced, she asked for it, and i did not pay a single cent for anything..lucky no kids involve.
2007-02-14 15:51:42 · answer #6 · answered by DooGie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that a good question. but only you know how you feel but if you
truly want to work things out then get counseling to deal with
how you feel. it really is about trust,if you feel that you cant trust
her then do what is right for you and the kids, if there proof
of the affair then talk to a lawyer to find the answers. that you
need. but if you are with someone else then do the right thing
and leave her along until you fiqure what you want. good luck.
2007-02-14 15:45:17 · answer #7 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he stays for the kids he wouldn't be happy being with a wife that cheated i say go back show court she cheated get custody of his kids and worry about a women later
2007-02-18 08:30:19 · answer #8 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sell everything, buy a scaled down unit with room for kids, get the girlfriend. Otherwise, have wife practice unsafe sex with him and get over it.
2007-02-14 16:22:28 · answer #9 · answered by hoodwink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old the kids are, but I'd stay until the kids were old enough to be out on there own, meaning age 18+. Then decide.
2007-02-14 15:42:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋