I am 19 and have been with my partner for 4yrs, i really want to have a baby but he doesn't...what do i do?

Question

My partner wants to wait till we are old enough, got money etc. but i really think that i am ready, what are you views on this?

Answer 1

Wait. You're young. I had my first when I was 19 (a surprise) and it was hard. Even though I had a supportive family and I was in love with my son' s father, it put a very big strain on our relationship.

Take your time, discover who you are, what you want to do with your life, discuss parenting styles, life rules now BEFORE you decide if you want to have children now. Also figure out if you can afford a child at this time in your life. Diapers, food, and daycare are expensive and if you are making minimum wage then you will be in big trouble. Check prices next time you go shopping (babies go through 5-8 diapers a day), call around the local daycares.

I think your partner is pretty smart for wanting to wait. There is no hurry, you have many reproductive years left. If you are absolute set on a baby then I suggest you get a puppy first and see how you handle that responsibility. Not much cheaper once you factor in the vet bills but remember that a puppy is a fraction of the work that a baby will be.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Wait until you are both ready. I am a mother of two but I didn't get married until I was 30 and had our first 11months later. It is tough at times. I love my kids and so does my husband but they don't help a relationship they strain it. So you both really need to be ready or you will end up doing it all by yourself. I also am from the old school and think you should get married first. Make sure child has a really stable home. If you think your relationship is strong why not take the next step. Then you have something to get excited about; planning a wedding. Good luck in the future. Rember now you can do what ever you want enjoy; once you bring a child into it your life it isn't about you and your partner anymore. It's all about the child and their needs.

Answer 3

No matter how old you are ...if he does not want a baby def. dont trick him. But what I would say to him is honey if people waited until they thought they had enough money to have a baby there would be no babies....the more you make the more bills you find you have. There are several families making it on low incomes. Really if you waited until he thought ya'll were ready ya'll would probably be too old to conceive. Im 19 as well and my hunny didn't wait one either but I got preggo on birth control. He story changed once I got pregnant. Then I lost the baby and he wanted to try again so here I am now 16 weeks. We may not have a lot of money but I tell you what we have never been so motivated to make money. I actually enrolled in school and he is busting his tail. We have grown so close I never will regret this. Good luck

Answer 4

ok so I have to weigh in on this.
When you are 20 you will be a completely different person than you are right now. When you are 22 you will be different again. There is no rush for a baby, believe me. Think about how much you earn a month and how much you spend, and then factor in as much spending again for the baby - financial stability seems like a better and better idea.

But if you are set on it, ask your boyfriend what he wants to do before he has children. It may be a year overseas, or a degree, earn x amount of money or simply lots of late nights out. But agree that you will both make an effort to see that he does those things or reaches those goals and then you will reasses after that.

Now is not the right time because you're not both there.

That's my 2 cents

Answer 5

You are way too young, when I was 18/19 years old I wanted a child so bad, I was with my boyfriend for about 4 years as well and was desperate to have a baby. Now when I think back, I was so naive and was not at all prepared for parenthood at that age, right now you may think you can handle it and its not a big deal, but it is. I think you should wait when you are older and more mature. I waited and now expecting my first child, and with maturity and a life of stability, I believe I will enjoy being a parent now rather than then.
IN OTHER WORDS... WAIT

Answer 6

I know that desperate feeling but if he isn't ready then I don't think you have much of a choice. I think you have some things to consider:
Does he want to have a baby with you someday? Are you willing to wait for him until he is ready?
Do you have plans to marry and spend the rest of your life together?
Why do you want a baby now vs. later?
How would you afford the baby?
Have you finished all the schooling you need to have a career that will provide a suitable lifestyle for a new person?

Answer 7

Ok well you may very well be ready but if he says he isn't do not push it. Ive wanted a baby for a very long time and we tried and had a miscarriage in June. I wanted to keep trying as soon as possible. He said he wasn't ready because he couldn't deal with it all. It was to soon for him. I pushed it any ways and he said ok to get me off of his back but we started having ALOT of problems. He started pulling away. So we put it on hold for a while and i didn't mention it any more. About a month ago he came to me and said he was ready. So we are trying again. My point is if you push him you will regret it. He will pull away from you and you may not have a relationship at all. Be patient. You BOTH have to be ready. Remember it not only going to be your baby, it will be his to so respect his feelings about when and how he wants to bring his child in this world.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

Babies are a classic unanimity vote. Both people have to be 100% sure about having a baby before bringing a new life into the world. Maybe your partner is wise or maybe he/she is over cautious. Either way this is not something to pressure and not something to convince. It is to important a decision to have your arm twisted over.
in the meantime enjoy your life. Go to a movie, out to eat (even to fast food for an ice cream), for a walk after 7pm all things that will be hard to do when your little one arrives.

Answer 9

You have to decide which you want more, your partner or a baby. Your partner is smarter than you obviously, it costs a great deal to raise a child and I don't blame him for wanting to wait until he is not only emotionally prepared but financially as well. So you have a choice, either stick with him and wait or move on to someone else who will make you pregnant but won't be able to support a baby once it is born.

Answer 10

i think that your partner is being very sensible. i got pregnant at 19 and again at 21. believe me i wish i had of been using my head like your partner is right now. live your life for awhile, have fun, go to college have a life first - get a good job, a nice place to live and make sure the one your with is really the one you want in life. believe me - things can change - your young -good luck.