I used to never have problems with my son. If I did I'd take is playstation away or whatever and it's be fine. But now it's not. He's always made straight A's now that he's in honor classes (6th grade) He's just stopped doing his work so I'm having to punish him and it's sooooo hard to stick to it. He's sitting here crying and I hate it. I know I have to. Part of tough love huh? Any advice will be great. He's just not motivated and just doesn't care. I know he can do it if he'd just do his work.
2007-02-14 14:17:23 · 9 answers · asked by Nette 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
About him being picked on and stuff like that at school. No that's not it. My son is tall and big for his age and he has a black belt. So that I'm not worried about. I know that's not it. I know that the problem is he just doesn't think its fair that he has so much work and his friends in traditional classes have 1/3 of the work he has to do. He wants to take the easy way out. He thinks that if he does bad in the gifted program then they will put him back in the traditional classes where it will be a breeze for him. He is just being lazy and I don't know how to make him motivated. I have talked to him about his future. He wants to be a chef and we've talked about how important that is. I think what's finally opened his eyes is that now he knows that we do not live in that school district so if he does not do well in the gifted program not only will he be put in traditional classes but he will have to change schools and will not be with his friends at all.
2007-02-15 13:59:16 · update #1
You cant give in. If you give in now- youll always give in, take away everything, make him do what he has to do, make him come straight home from school till he gets the message, dont let him leave the house at all till his grades approve. No phone no TV no computer no video games no nothing till his act clears up. BE STRONG or he will end up a looser.
2007-02-14 14:22:15 · answer #1 · answered by cats4ever2k1 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is something more here going on. A kid will not just quit doing things for no reason at all. It might be the onset of puberty which can really mess with a kid's mind or it might be problems at school. Maybe bullying or something of that nature. You need to get to the problem of WHY he is not doing his work. You are addressing a symptom, not the actual problem here.
My son became sullen and angry last year and didn't care about his schoolwork. He was being bullied both physically, mentally and emotionally. If we had just punished him he would have just gotten worse. It took a lot of work but we got him to talk to us finally. He kept saying it wouldn't do any good and we would just make it worse. He was scared to death of the other kids.
He is most likely crying because he is hurt and angry and upset and doesn't know how to explain why. What you said "just doesn't care" is pretty telling. WHY doesn't he care? He sounds like a good kid if he is an honor student. So what is different right now? It is your job to find out, not just punish him.
Not that I am against what we call consequences in our home, rather than punishment. We also tell our kids that they need to be responsible for their own actions. Each action has a consequence and it is their choice what they do or don't do. We take it off our shoulders and put it on theirs.
If you can't get him to talk, make an appt. with a counselor. Get to the bottom of what is wrong with him. Adolescence can be a horrible time for a kid and they can really use some help getting through it.
2007-02-14 16:01:53 · answer #2 · answered by mnnorthernlight 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know how hard it is to punish your child when you are not really really angry (when I'm really mad, I don't have a problem at all!) But if you react to his tears with sympathy and you know he is not suffering, just unhappy about having to do schoolwork which he is capable of doing, then he will use those tears more and more until you relent.
So hang tough! One thing that helps is to help him with a study plan so he can show you what he is studying and what he has done so far. Then he can take short breaks with the understanding that he's going to go back to studying. Also, have him study in a semi-private place in the house; the dining room while you are cooking dinner, for example. That way, he doesn't feel shut away with a load of work. Just don't talk on the phone and play music and the TV loud because they will distract him.
2007-02-19 11:51:51 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps the answer is in trying to find out what he wants to be able to do in the future, then sitting down together and working on a time line that will help him be able to make his dreams come true. This also might be a good time to have a meeting with your son's school counselor. Your son and you need to be able to talk to his counselor so that you can make sure that he is getting whatever prerequisites in as well as ideas to be able to jump start your son into seeing what colleges he might be interested in. Some colleges, for example, like to see extracurricular activities or volunteer work. As you help him makes his plans, find out if there are any other "fun" dreams as well that your son has that you can help make plans so that they can happen. For example, does your son dream of having a certain kind of car when he's old enough to drive, help do the research on cars, then help with a time line on what he will need to do, and when to make this happen. He's turning into a teenager and adulthood will be just around the corner. If you can teach him at a young age to make goals and follow through with them, there is nothing he can't do!
2007-02-21 11:57:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
School can be overwhelming. I remember in my Freshman and Sophomore year, school was extremely easy for me. I got A's in everything without much effort. But then come Junior year, things started to get a little harder. There was a point when trying seemed hopeless. I was not doing well on my AP US tests. I was not doing as well as I wanted to in Chemistry and Pre-Calculus. I began to get test anxiety. I couldn't be motivated, because I was so scared that I put off studying to the last minute. It sucks really bad when all your life you been getting all A's without really trying and you know. It's hard when things don't come easily to you. Sometimes, it makes you feel really stupid. The good news is that I figured it out eventually. It took me quite awhile but I began to get better test scores in US History. This semester, I am aiming for an A.
2007-02-14 14:58:03 · answer #5 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey,
I understand the feeling. I am sixteen, and I went through a similar phase in sixth grade. You should sit your son down, and have a talk about college and the future. Talk to him about his goals, and what he wants to do with his life. Then drop the bomb (correct phrase, I don't know...maybe the ball.) remind him that to do whatever he wants to do, he will need to have good grades. Remind him that colleges look for good grades. And tell him one last thing, it is him, and only him that will decide his future. Good luck, I wish you and your son the best.
Keifer
2007-02-15 01:15:50 · answer #6 · answered by keiferalbin 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I never punished my daughter, I used discipline, consistency and patients. I also used the behavior/reward system. when she behaved she would EARN priveliges such as time with video games, television etc. When she didn't behave she didn't get any of her priveliges. There was no need to punish her. By the time my daughter was in sixth grade her schoolwork was HER responsiblity, if she did it she did it if she didn't do it she didn't do it. I already did my time in the sixth grade it wasn't up to me to do her work or fret over her work.
2007-02-14 15:32:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
im having problems now with my 13 yr old. i need to take his games away too. he doesnt really have much else to take away.... but i break down all the time because i feel bad. or he whines at me unitl i give in. he can beg for hours and hours. it really gets on my nerves...... sorry i couldn't be more help
2007-02-15 03:30:50 · answer #8 · answered by Cornell is Hot! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol i know mine dont! :P
2007-02-14 14:20:17 · answer #9 · answered by sambucca 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋