14 month old still not sleeping though night - CIO not working - NEED HELP!!?

Question

I'm exausted - DD is 14 months and still wakes at least 2 times a night minimum and usually needs to be held, rocked, a bottle or something to go back to sleep. My ped believes in the CIO method - it is NOT working with her. Each time you go in to comfort her it just sets her off crying harder. Its been over a year since I've slept more than 4 hours in a row and I need a solution badly. Anything that has worked for you please let me know. I would co-sleep as that seems to get me the most rest but DH doesn't support that so that option is out. And even then she still gets up - I just don't have to get out of bed to comfort her so I guess its not a solution anyway. I feel like we've tried everything - I am desperate for a solutions and need some support from other moms who have troubled sleepers. I thank god right now I SAH but I actually am looking to go back to work something that I cannot do getting 4 hrs of sleep a night. Has anyone had DC this old who still didn't sleep though???

Answer 1

It sounds like your daughter needs more hands-on nighttime parenting. What are your husband's concerns about co-sleeping? Maybe you can address his concerns and share with him how you can help alleviate any potential problems in order to help you all get a good night's sleep.

Major DH concerns seem to be safety and sex.

SAFE CO-SLEEPING HABITS EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW: DO'S AND DON'TS

No matter where you have your baby sleep, be sure you provide a safe sleeping environment. If you decide to share sleep with your baby, and this arrangement is working for your family, observe these precautions:

DOS:

* Take precautions to prevent baby from rolling out of bed, even though it is unlikely when baby is sleeping next to mother. Like heat-seeking missiles, babies automatically gravitate toward a warm body. Yet, to be safe, place baby between mother and a guardrail or push the mattress flush against the wall and position baby between mother and the wall. Guardrails enclosed with plastic mesh are safer than those with slats, which can entrap baby's limbs or head. Be sure the guardrail is flush against the mattress so there is no crevice that baby could sink into.
* Place baby adjacent to mother, rather than between mother and father. Mothers we have interviewed on the subject of sharing sleep feel they are so physically and mentally aware of their baby's presence even while sleeping, that it's extremely unlikely they would roll over onto their baby. Some fathers, on the other hand, may not enjoy the same sensitivity of baby's presence while asleep; so it is possible they might roll over on or throw out an arm onto baby. After a few months of sleep-sharing, most dads seem to develop a keen awareness of their baby's presence.
* Place baby to sleep on his back.
* Use a large bed, preferably a queen-size or king-size. A king-size bed may wind up being your most useful piece of "baby furniture." If you only have a cozy double bed, use the money that you would ordinarily spend on a fancy crib and other less necessary baby furniture and treat yourselves to a safe and comfortable king-size bed.
* Some parents and babies sleep better if baby is still in touching and hearing distance, but not in the same bed. For them, a bedside co-sleeper is a safe option.

DON'TS:

* Do not sleep with your baby if:

1. You are under the influence of any drug (such as alcohol or tranquilizing medications) that diminishes your sensitivity to your baby's presence. If you are drunk or drugged, these chemicals lessen your arousability from sleep.

2. You are extremely obese. Obesity itself may cause sleep apnea in the mother, in addition to the smothering danger.

3. You are exhausted from sleep deprivation. This lessens your awareness of your baby and your arousability from sleep.

4. You are breastfeeding a baby on a cushiony surface, such as a waterbed or couch. An exhausted mother could fall asleep breastfeeding and roll over on the baby.

5. You are the child's baby-sitter. A baby-sitter's awareness and arousability is unlikely to be as acute as a mother's.
* Don't allow older siblings to sleep with a baby under nine months. Sleeping children do not have the same awareness of tiny babies as do parents, and too small or too crowded a bed space is an unsafe sleeping arrangement for a tiny baby.
* Don't fall asleep with baby on a couch. Baby may get wedged between the back of the couch and the larger person's body, or baby's head may become buried in cushion crevices or soft cushions.
* Do not sleep with baby on a free-floating, wavy waterbed or similar "sinky" surface in which baby could suffocate.
* Don't overheat or overbundle baby. Be particularly aware of overbundling if baby is sleeping with a parent. Other warm bodies are an added heat source.
* Don't wear lingerie with string ties longer than eight inches. Ditto for dangling jewelry. Baby may get caught in these entrapments.
* Avoid pungent hair sprays, deodorants, and perfumes. Not only will these camouflage the natural maternal smells that baby is used to and attracted to, but foreign odors may irritate and clog baby's tiny nasal passages. Reserve these enticements for sleeping alone with your spouse.

Use common sense when sharing sleep. Anything that could cause you to sleep more soundly than usual or that alters your sleep patterns can affect your baby's safety. Nearly all the highly suspected (but seldom proven) cases of fatal "overlying" I could find in the literature could have been avoided if parents had observed common sense sleeping practices.


NO PRIVACY!
Will trying the family bed ruin our sex life and leave us with no privacy?

It has often been said that "a baby should not come between husband and wife, in bed or otherwise." As parents of eight who have practiced the concept of sharing sleep, we can say that our babies have not come between us. The whole attachment style of parenting, especially sleep sharing, works best in the context of a fulfilled marriage. Yet, it is absolutely necessary that a husband and wife find private time alone.

Since babies under six months have limited awareness of what's going on, lovemaking with your baby asleep in your bed is seldom a problem in the early months. As baby gets older, parents seldom feel comfortable enjoying lovemaking in the presence of a sleeping child. If you enjoy sleeping with your baby, yet want some couple time, be creative. Remember, the master bedroom is not the only place where lovemaking can occur. Every room in your house can be a potential love chamber. Another option is to put your child to sleep in another room while you have your couple time, then bring baby into your bed when he wakes up. Or, carry your sleeping child into another room. A child who's in a deep sleep doesn't awaken if gently moved to another bed in another room while you enjoy some time together.

When children get older, we feel it's important they get two messages concerning the parents' bedroom: the door is open to them if they have a strong need to be with their parents, yet there are private times when mom and dad need to be alone. You may employ the traditional "go watch cartoons" as you kindly but firmly request that your child leaves your bedroom.

While certainly lovemaking in front of children in the family bed would be uncomfortable and unwise, don't be afraid to hug in front of your children. It's healthy for children to see a show of affection between their parents.

Answer 2

I just got my 3 1/2 year old to sleep through the night about 4 months ago and we have tried everything short of sleep meds. We tried ferber, no cry, locking her door, co sleeping and even putting a bed in our room..nothing worked and I spent years in tears and sick from being so tired and frustrated. We bought the book "Good Night Sleep Tight" as a last resort because our second baby is on the way. The "sleep lady" gives a blow by blow plan for every age group and we followed the program to a T. It took us about 2 months to train her to sleep but OH MY GOSH it WORKED!!!!! I can't believe we waited this long, we now read her 3 stories, leave the room and don't hear from her for 12 hours. It is simply the most amazing thing I have experienced, letting your baby cry and co sleeping are both incredibly stressful. Try this book, follow the steps and you will be so glad you did. Good Luck, know what you're going through...

Answer 3

It sounds like you are having a tough time. My dd is also 14 months old and doesn't sleep through the night. However, I am OK with the night wakings as I do co-sleep and we just nurse for a couple of minutes and then go back to sleep. She's happy b/c she's getting what she needs (comfort at night) and I'm happy b/c I'm getting plenty of sleep (most nights...) Could you talk to your husband about why he doesn't want to cosleep? Maybe you can explain that you really need your sleep to function well as a mother and wife and perhaps you could try cosleeping for a couple of weeks and see how it affects the whole family.

I would also recommend that you ready "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She talks about gentle (non-CIO) methods to help your baby sleep better. Her advice covers families that co-sleep and those who sleep seperately, so there's something for everyone in the book.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Try making bedtime a little later, maybe eight, and a bath before bedtime. Also a child's book read on an audio CD helps a lot, try the library, they usually have some audio children's books available. Also lavender scents and chamomile tea help a lot. My Mom mixed my nephew's formula into chamomile tea at might to get him to sleep well at night. He was only seven months old and it worked well, it is not a drug and it is not in any way harmful to babies. Singing, telling stories, and rocking work too, some people use car rides to get them tired. Almost any baby will stay asleep as long as she's in your arms, they love to sleep with momma, or even Grandma or Aunty. Your heat and heartbeat will comfort and relax them and your voice will reassure them.

Answer 5

Try reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - it has several techniques to solve sleep problems rather than just one. I bought it when my 5 month old was waking every 2 hours. He still wakes once or twice, but the doc who wrote the book says that is acceptable for his age. (I also like the fact the book doesn't assume there is one way all babies/children should sleep or have the sleep problem solved.) There are chapters especially dealing with every age group through adolescents.

I chose one method and it worked in a few days. I am using it now to nap train him because he is used to only sleeping in my arms. It is difficult, but I am hopeful for similar good results.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Of course cio doesn't work..she's crying her head off and it's very traumatic for her. My 15 mo old doesn't sleep through the night. I have 4 kids and a full time job so whether my dh likes it or not, I cosleep because nursing keeps my baby from waking up a gazillion times and allows all of us to sleep better. If we didn't cosleep I would be exhausted. My dh doesn't like that we cosleep but that's just too darn bad. He can go sleep somewhere else..I need my sleep and so does my baby. I won't lose sleep because a grown man can't handle it

Answer 7

I let my girl cry it out. However I would go in and comfort her. However, and here's the important part, DO NOT PICK THE BABY UP!!! You can talk to them but don't do anything that you normally would have. Only stay a few minutes and then leave even if they are still crying. It took 2 and a half weeks before my daughter starting going to sleep alone.

The reason they cry when they wake up in the middle of night is because things aren't the same as they were when they fell asleep so they feel as though something is wrong.

Answer 8

My son was like that. First don't give the baby milk at night, instead give the baby water. It is only habbit. Also tell the baby ok you are not going to get a bottle just go to sleep. Eventually she will understand that you are not going to give in and she will start sleeping a little more. My son started sleeping through the night about 18 months. Good luck.

Answer 9

There are some kids that just don't sleep all night till they are older. My son was almost 2 before he slept all night, his son is the same way but he actually didn't sleep all night until he was over 2 yr old - I tried everything with my son and my son & daughter in law tried everything with their son.
good luck to you

Answer 10

Lack of sleep in children can cause serious
health problems.If parents follow some simple
techniques for making their children sleep,
it can be avoided. I found useful information
at http://nosleep.in/sleepchildren.html

Answer 11

I highly recommend you pick up the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley (see link below). I'll give you an idea of what she says here, though. Here are two excerpts that are included in EP's book:

Dr. Paul M. Fleiss and Frederick Hodges in "Sweet Dreams" (Lowell House, 2000) have this to say about the cry-it-out method:
"A child cannot comprehend why you are ignoring his cries for help. Ignoring your baby's cries, even with the best of intentions, may lead him to feel that he has been abandoned. Babies are responding to biological needs..."

Kate Allison Granju, in "Attachment Parenting" (Pocket Books, 1999) writes:
"Babies are people, extremely helpless, vulnerable, and dependent people. Your baby counts on you to lovingly care for her. When she cries, she is signaling -- in the only way she knows how -- that she needs you to be with her...When your baby cries -- for whatever reason -- he experiences physical changes. His blood pressure rises, his muscles become tense, and stress hormones flood his little body. Babies who are subjected to cry-it-out sleep training do sometimes seem to sleep deeply after they finally drop off. This is because babies and young children frequently sleep deeply after experiencing trauma. This deep sleep shouldn't be viewed as proof of the efficacy of the [cry-it-out] method but rather evidence of one of its many disturbing shortcomings."

Elizabeth Pantley goes on to give a lot of very helpful suggestions for how to teach your child to self-soothe and learn to sleep, be it in a crib or next to you in your bed. You can also email her through her website. She most likely will respond to you (she did to me several times), but I would try reading her book first. I think you will find it contains exactly what you are looking for!

Personally, I prefer to co-sleep with my babies. I slept with my daughter in my bed for the first 10 or 11 months of her life before teaching her to sleep in a crib. I am still sharing my bed with my 13-month old son. As a breastfeeding mother, I found it much easier to feed them in the middle of the night when they are sleeping next to me, instead of disrupting both of our sleeps by having to get up. Co-sleeping isn't for everyone, and you have to follow certain precautions, but you might want to consider it.

Don't let your baby cry for you anymore, she needs you and doesn't know why you won't help her!

Oh, and I think it's time to switch pediatricians. Just my honest opinion.

Good luck!