we have been married 18 yr he once cheeted on me and now some sex thing on internet he keep saying he want his private thing and i should now trust him it has been 7 yr since he cheeted but he still hide thing from me his cell phone in alway on his body he talk to girl on internet and tell me its not real people we in middle of fight ever other day but then he want to have sex with me and said he love me he also make appointment with marrage consouler and went only 2 and cancel one day he love me next day im interfering in his private live ???????
2007-02-14 14:07:51 · 15 answers · asked by onmeweekend 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband is a control freak and won't change by the sounds of things! You've been with him 17 yrs? Do you have kids? Regardless if you do or don't...I think your marriage is not a marriage, but a puppet-master and a puppet show, and guess who the puppet is? Right it's you! I should know, I was married to one for 15 years myself! The only thing you can do is die inside, or get out, and believe me you are at the end of surviving your so called marriage. A couple more years and you won't have a spirit left to fly away with. It's hard at first, but in the end it will be the bravest thing you ever did! And the best thing for both of you! That's just my thoughts, anyway. Good luck on whatever you choose. Even broken winged angles can fly!
2007-02-14 14:26:23 · answer #1 · answered by cindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as I would love to tell you that you should just ignore it and he's using you, I'm not going to. And the reason, is that I've been in your shoes honey and part of this, wether you want to accept it or not, is your fault. I know alot of others are going to disagree with me, but you are allowing him to treat you this way. So, maybe the counseling didn't work...then ask him why? If he didn't like the counselor, you try another one until you find one that works. On the other side of that though, is the fact that your husband may know very well that what he is doing is wrong and he doesn't want to change his habits. If that's the case, then you seriously have to start asking yourself the tough questions. Do you really want to live this way? I know 18 years is a long time. I've been married 18 years myself. It took two years worth of counseling for us, but it took the right counselor to get us to where we are today. And today we have no secrets from each other. We are the best of friends and I know it sounds crazy, but if the affair didn't happen and we didn't learn how to communicate with each other, I'm not so sure we'd be where we are.
Please don't think any advice you are going to get is going to be a cure-all honey. Life doesn't work that way. You have to do what is right for you and your family. All we can do is advise you on what we know. And what I know is that the path you are on right now isn't working, nor will it work if you continue to keep allowing him to treat you this way. You also have to realize that this takes two. I'm not saying your actions are causing him to revert to the internet, I'm simply saying that by allowing him to continue to do it, you're enabling a bad habit, rather than working to change it.
I wish you the strength of God sweetie...you are going to need it, this is really hard to overcome. One day things are fine, and the next day, it's like he cheated yesterday. I get it. I know where you are coming from. I also know that if you are on here asking for advice, you are determined to make this work. Just be sure, that in this process, you aren't the one making the changes to make it work....that, also, takes two.
2007-02-14 22:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With the way your husband is behaving, he is not committed in doing what it takes to save your marriage. Another wards, he doesn't care for you or how you feel. The reason why he canceled with his counseling is because he doesn't want to hear the truth about himself on who he really is and what he has become. I am not sure that this marriage can be saved, unless only if he is willing to want to change himself and make an effort to make things work with you.
2007-02-14 22:12:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an addict--either to internet sex or a sex addict--and he isn't about to stop. That's why he gets mad and defensive and won't give it up for you or anyone. If he is refusing to go to counseling, you should go without him to decide what your best course of action should be. You need to ask the old "Ann Landers" question: would your life be better or worse without him? Counseling will help you decide that.
2007-02-14 22:14:37 · answer #4 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and ask him why he stopped going with you only after 2 times. Seems to me he is cheating on you and being unfaithful. I would not trust him if it were me. If he is serious about you and making this marriage work he will go back to counseling with you. But if he is not serious and does not care then he will not go again and then in this case i feel you should leave him and file for divorce.
2007-02-14 22:15:24 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is obivious he is only concerned about no one else but him-----you should be able to be happy and I dont see how you can living with someone that is self centered and shows you no respect. I would get out of themarriage -unloess you enjoy having the drama and live in misery
2007-02-14 22:12:18 · answer #6 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many problems here. So many in fact that I am not even going to try and answer all of them. My only advise: GO TO COUNSELING. If your husband will not go, then you go by yourself.
2007-02-14 22:25:25 · answer #7 · answered by Brian C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him and find yourself a man that knows how to treat a woman
2007-02-14 22:31:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing...there's NOTHING you can do about him not going to counseling.
What YOU have to decide is when you're gonna stop letting him run your life as well as decide when YOU have had enough of his b.s. and leave.
2007-02-14 22:18:27 · answer #9 · answered by bundysmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can't face counseling because he is cheating on you and afraid they will detect it. We all have. Good Luck
2007-02-18 21:47:27 · answer #10 · answered by andyt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋